Moving on with things

daisy_1571

Sorry I don't mean a cheap kitchen,  I meant getting the standard you want but for the best price.  I personally don't see the point of spending thousands when I could have something that does exactly the same technical function for hundreds however for you it sounds important to have something you have spent a lot on and thats entirely your choice of course.   

I was suggesting you have a challenge to find the quality you want at the best price.  The idea being gives you a new challenge to focus your energy on.

That would work if you had an easy to define standard/quality ie 'I believe brand xxx fridge is the best.  They normally retail at £x,xxx so I am going to try to find one/barter/use discounts etc to get it for £x,xxx.' 

It almost seems like the standard you aspire to is that your kitchen would cost £xx,xxx and if you got exactly the same kitchen for only £x,xxx you wouldn't want it?  

Might be way off.  I just find it fascinating discussing when people have such differing ideas on what success means/looks like to them   

Dxx

RelievedSheff

I hope at some point you change your mind about the NC500. It is a fantastic road trip. Some absolutely stunning scenery along the route.

We didn't find it to be an expensive trip either. 

Iamouttheotherside

Well, well, well - what a catch up - 117 new posts!  2 years clean - Huge congratulations

Alt sorry to hear about your ups and downs, I am also sorry to say its part of the recovery process, the panic attacks especially, I think I told you about my husband having them and me absolutely losing my 5hit, when the GP prescribed diazepam to an ex addict..  Things do get better I promise, it's all time.

A word about your son, my daughter turned into a spoiled brat when she started in year 7, we sat her down and told her the daily costs of the private school - 35 weeks x 5 days a week, then showed her how much it cost a day and what a person would have to earn before tax - I think it worked out around 55k at the time (7 years ago).  Then showed her job adverts of normal jobs, it was a reality check to how privileged she was and stopped her being a brat!  Maybe sit down with your son and do something similar.

I hope your friends have the finances to take their son to the end of the education, otherwise it could have a big mental impact on their son if they have to move him.  Also money for the very expensive trips coming up. Plus the very expensive designer clothes that he will want as he progresses through school to keep up with the other students.   I have just paid the final years upfront, the government gets enough money from our house, I will be damned if I want to give them anymore, not if I don't have to.

About your wife not wanting you to buy her things - as much as you get triggered with things that happen, I can guarantee that if you did come home with a lovely pair of Louboutin shoes, she would automatically think you were back on the drugs, paranoia would set in for her.  Go shopping together make a day of it, have lunch, treat her whilst she's there, trying on things herself,  change the whole memories about you buying her things.

Probably going to get slated by other posters for this, but why are you dropping your salary?  I don't get it, you've worked hard to be debt free, paying off around 2k a month as a minimum and now you plan on dropping your salary by 2k, you haven't gained any enjoyment from it.  Start getting some personal savings - put it in premium bonds - 2 reasons why - its tax free, also its not money you can easily access it takes around 3 days to withdraw, so no temptation.  

Sit down with your wife about the Range Rover and go over finances properly, you put down what you want - jobs doing on the house and talk about what you are going to do, without getting back into debt.  Communication is key.

Stay on the path 

vampirotoothus

We did the NC500 on a guided tour with Rabbies, which was great fun. May not be your bag Alt but I also know someone in Scotland who does that sort of tour for private groups, so if you don't fancy driving maybe do that and then the whole family can enjoy the scenery. A great experience though. V x

mark55man

congratulations on 2 years - epic

alt80

Off work tomorrow to go to the motocross day with my family. 100% shouldn’t be up at this time and shouldn’t be complaining it’s hot as the weather isn’t like this often but it’s !!!!!! hot, ha.

My Mrs has been busy with son today going through a load of his clothes that no longer fit. All decent brands and in saleable condition so my wife persuaded him to help sell them so he can pocket the money. I told him he's got lucky, if it had been up to me I would have split whatever they make proportional to the effort he put into it. That makes me the biggest !!!!!! in the world of course, ha. As it is he's done !!!!!! all towards helping and is just waiting for the cash to come rolling in. I love him to bits but how lazy he can be sometimes really !!!!!! annoys me.

@daisy_1571 I do like getting good value for money, I'm not sure what makes you think I don't. Although, to me, that doesn't necessarily just mean the cheapest - the quality of service (and after service), the buying experience and delivery matter too imo if we're talking about something like an appliance. If we are talking about my kitchen quality and choice of materials and the skill level of the joiner. Perhaps I'm just old fashioned as it does seem everyone these days just wants the cheapest deal. 

@RelievedSheff  / @vampirotoothus I thought it was as much about driving roads as anything else tbh I think it should be done in a sports car or GT tbf idk I haven't been. @RelievedSheff I assume you found it inexpensive because you stayed in your van? When I looked into it, with the hotels I would have liked to have stayed in it was an extravagance.

@Iamouttheotherside thank you! In some ways it doesn't seem two years, in others it seems like 10 ha. 

Yeah, things haven't been great with the anxiety / panic. I've taken diazepam in the past, never really abused it but no matter how bad my sleep or anxiety are I'm not readily offered a prescription for it anymore. Really, my wife is right, I need to be more proactive about doing what the pros tell me and basically put it before everything. There are times I question my ability to do pretty much anything, I really haven't been well and it is wholly unpredictable, that itself makes my condition worse. 

It's really hard to get my son to grasp how privileged he is. None of his cousins go to or went to private school, my wife and I didn't either but he's been there since nursery, it's normal for him. He doesn't seem to correlate work with earning, I genuinely do not understand why and do think he should at least grasp the concept by now. He seems to have decided he wants to be a stay at home dad when he grows up as he seems to think it'd be !!!!!! about all day doing all the things he enjoys and none of the things he doesn't enjoy. I don't think it helps that I'm always too whacked and don't have time to do anything apart from reading to him that he enjoys and my wife is a really active mum and sometimes too much of a mate tbh. She can't discipline him at all, so he seems to have equated work with being !!!!!! and being at home with fun.

I don't know and it is none of my business whether they are really in a position to send their son without worrying about being able to pay the fees for the duration of his education but I hear what you're saying 100%. The trips in the senior years are eye-watering enough at my son's school. My son has been label conscious for far too long without peer pressure, just influence from my wife really as she does like dressing him well but it'll come in time for other kids, did for all of us on one level or another, ha.

You are right about my wife, I managed to talk to her about it. She was worried I had slipped or was on the verge of doing so, probably didn't help I'd been at the office all day and was really !!!!!! anxious by the time she saw me. I never want to put her through that again. 

I don't want to enjoy it, I would like every penny in the most efficient way possible to go towards my wife's future when I'm gone. She isn't happy with me, thinks I'm just being miserable and like you say not gaining any enjoyment from clearing the debts. Your husband doesn't need to take care of you in the same way I need to take care of my wife. I want to fulfil my responsibility to her, I owe it to her.

The Range Rover Sport would be leased through the business in the same way as the EQC is now and there's £100 a month difference. See above why I'd rather the money not be spent on a second car. We can live with the EQE and just replace that later. Even if I did want another car I've had a lot of Range Rovers in the past and I can't say I would like another. 

@mark55man thank you mate.

RelievedSheff

You could always hire a motorhome to do it 😀

We will be up in Scotland again for a week next summer. Not doing the NC500 this time though. Will be exploring further south.

It's a beautiful country.

Lonelygambler

2 Years. 

Amazing because so many people will never know how hard and much effort that would have taken. 

EV - Have you looked at the BMW range through the business? 

alt80

Motocross day was epic, we had a !!!!!! brilliant time 100% going back. Son is asking for a bike now of course, ha. I did wonder how my wife would get on but she loved it. She's very steady driving on the roads, constantly watching out for idiots, safe but a very defensive driver. My son has said she's good when they go karting which I didn't really believe as I thought she'd be slow tbh but I can believe it now seen another side to her, ha. My Mrs is right, I need to work on the stuff the pros want me to work on to enjoy more days like yesterday and idk maybe right about having more of a life post debt, more stuff we can enjoy together, make the most of life rather than wholly planning for when I'm gone idk. Unfortunately I can get lost in obsessive and negative thoughts that tbh make me want to give up on life. Had a more relaxed day today than yesterday but it's still been nice, just been out walking with my wife, son and dog. I have spent an hour on work stuff but set a timer as I was determined to only spend an hour on it. 

@RelievedSheff Idk mate, I'll see if my wife is up for it and if so will have a look. I don't have any idea what sort of motorhome we would need and I don't think you can drive them all on a car licence can you? 

I would love to also go to the Scottish isles one day too.

@Lonelygambler thank you mate.

You've just made me have a look, ha. New i4 M50 looks well tbf. I like a fast BMW, had quite a few over the years.

Baileys_Babe

Pleased to hear you and your family had a brilliant day yesterday doing Motorcross and a completely different day today and it was equally good. It is great to read you seeing how great life can be and realising you need to be present for your son's life, for both of your sakes.