Moving on with things

alt80

Just finalised the month's finances with the provisional figures holding. 

@Willowtree222 I’m pleased that I’ve stuck to the financial plan. Pension is made up of a commercial property I’ve owned for years just put into a different vehicle now to get it paid for. I do plan to invest in the SSAS in other ways in the future too but that’s very much going to be guided. I know property as an asset class but other investments I need guidance with 100%. I suppose my residential portfolio is also a pension too really, especially as I now plan to pay down the capital. Before I was only interested in adding more and more units - it was vanity and driven by my state of mind. At one point I was absolutely obsessed with owning as many units as possible to the detriment of the overall portfolio and my finances- it was madness made even more ridiculous by the fact I deal with property and other people’s portfolios day in, day out. I lost perspective on the things in my life, !!!!!! shocking judgement over the latter half of my 30s especially. Idk I’d be in a lot better position had I been more sensible over my 30s. Lot of big regrets.

NHS and video GP really concern me and somewhat trip me off if you couldn’t tell haha.

@RelievedSheff you’re not the first to say something like that. Idk I have phases of trying to be kinder to myself, this is the latest push, suppose I see me for what I am so it doesn’t last ha. Don't want to carry on hurting my family which I was as I wasn't able to switch off from work despite all the chat pre Christmas, meeting up with someone who regretted all the time he spent away from family and encouraging me to adapt to a different pace. I also lost two people I was close to, much older than me great mentors in business. One I lost touch with due to my addiction and didn't want to know me after treatment. Idk why it drove me back to working a stupid amount really but think it factored.  

Yeah you’re right about my wife tbf as these things do have to be paid for. She has held me up for so !!!!!! long now idk it's not right, should be the other way round. 

@enthusiasticsaver thank you. I don't see our income as ours to spend as we want once I have cleared the cards - I need to make a real push towards making up for the lost time and getting our home paid for too although idswyacf. I try to priorise the holidays because my wife and son enjoy them, he won't be this age forever wanting to go on holiday with us and my wife and son deserve to have fond memories to look back on, likewise my parents do too and they are not getting any younger. Really noticed they have started to slow down. It's !!!!!! heartbreaking for both my sister and I that there is no chance they will ever come home even if either of them ever needs care - no where close to that stage thankfully but you don't know what's around the corner either. They have a really solid group of friends some of a similar age and some younger in Greece but we wonder if they will really be there for them if needed idk sister has more faith in them than I do, it is a different culture there still tbf. Anyway it's important to me they get to know their grandson face to face and important my boy gets to know them. They adore each other.

I wasn't in a great place the last time I had a scan tbf it did provide a bit of relief for a bit of time. Rather like an MOT on a car, it's a snapshot in time, I'm aware of that. I did go to see my usual private GP so did break the no spending on health rule. He reckons anxiety / stress too, idk. Yeah I basically have a !!!!!! medically diagnosed anxiety disorder that they reckon has been massively exacerbated by drug use. Not something I'm pleased about and certainly not one of my proudest moments to be told that. Could have it the rest of my !!!!!! life, they don't know. I still very much struggle with needing a  hit, have just learned to suppress taking action on it with the pros and put every effort into the anger management with the pros. I've had the ADHD tests, nothing significant enough to be given medication that tbf I think would be good for me to power through. They just think it's an anxiety disorder that I have wrong with me.

@MatyMoo it's easy to be amused about that but I know what it's like - !!!!!! horrendous when you're 100% convinced. Didn't happen until my 30s but I had an episode during that time when I was pulling all nighters to read medical journals, seeing the NHS and private GPs every week and paying more and more for invasive tests that tbh I was ripped off with. I was determined to find someone to test me at any cost and having looked back at it with the pros it was the point a poor habit became addiction and why I was so paranoid as to the intention of medical professionals.

To answer your question I didn't move NHS GP - we could move tbf just didn't bother as it's a small city and they've our new address. 

enthusiasticsaver

When the cards are gone I wonder if it would be a good idea to explore stocks and shares ISAs or SIPPs? It may be worth you seeing an IFA if you are not confident around other asset classes. Any investor will tell you diversification is  key to investing so having all your assets in property is not a good investment risk strategy. 

mark55man

Also my experience with my kids growing up was we did a lot of nice holidays when they were under 10 - then the 2007/8 financial crash left us short of cash and we tailed off to my regret. I think kids enjoy the holidays more as the get older and as they can do more adventurous things. 

lucielle

We couldn’t afford foreign holidays when our chaps were younger. Did take advantage of the £5 ones from The Sun. It’s only in recent years we’ve all managed to go abroad with all of them at the same time ( a bit easier as they could pay for themselves). They do actually want to go away this year and the youngest will be 24 and the oldest 29 plus grandchildren. I actually think they appreciate it more now. 

L

alt80

For the first time in a while, we have sold something we no longer wanted. Not exactly life-changing sums at £250, but it'll be a small additional amount off the remaining balance.

Dealing with the consequences of realising everything I once valued is worthless or pointless is still making me ill. Wife made me read some article about someone who had lived with too much stress for too long just !!!!!! breaking health wise. Related far too !!!!!! much. They got better though. I can't continue to throw good money after bad fixing what can't be ha.

@enthusiasticsaver I have dealt with someone well-versed in pensions to set up the SSAS. Not sure of the point in an additional SIPP really but idk. I plan to build a three-month emergency fund invested in an ISA after clearing the card balances. Ikwacf re diversification. Property is all I've ever known professionally and I understand from an investors point of view having both my trading business and investments tied up in the same sector isn't optimal. It has a little diversity through the different types of property I own and my trading business being quite diverse.

I just need to do what I can from here on in to ensure my family's future is better than it would have been.

@mark55man I'd not long set up when the financial crash happened, it was really bad for my industry but I was quite lucky it made me think outside the box a little to keep the business afloat and pick staff up. !!!!!! awful time for so many especially in my profession though. Yeah I think he will enjoy going on holiday with us these next few years tbf and I can definitely see your point, my boy is growing up fast now. This weekend he hung two pictures on his bedroom wall by himself, wife had shown him earlier this week but I didn't know. Other than to pay for things they don't need me. 

@lucielle my wife and son like to go on holiday both in the uk and abroad. Apart from going to London in December, as a kid, I never saw any of the UK as we only went abroad. Didn't appreciate it, we always went as far as possible from civilisation ha. My parents are really looking forward to going on holiday with us later this year, as is my wife and son. However, I'd not considered anyone in their 20s would enjoy a family holiday. Hope my son might like to do something like that when he's the age your kids are, it would be nice to think he might. 

ladyholly

alt80 said:

Other than to pay for things they don't need me. 

That is not true they do need you. If they didnt they wouldnt still be there. Children grow up and become independent. As a parent that is your job as you wouldnt want your son to be dependent on you when he is an adult. Encourage his inpendence he will thank you for it.

mark55man

Agreed - they keep giving even when they have left and are living independent - popping in - messenger banter.  We spent Sat afternoon watching my eldest on youtube livestream playing her hobby sport. Don't underestimate how much it means to them to have you about and vice versa.  eg I was in London on Tuesday and when I got back I found my son had parked next to me in the car park and sent me a funny tiktok - was very sweet 

Willowtree222

Any additional amount is progress. As you know we have these moments where we realise what we value isn't actually what we should and our mindset changes. You've paid off so much, but more than that, your mindset has changed. 

I hope one day you see what your family and the people on here see. 

alt80

I've been really struggling with some dark thoughts for a while and trying to bury them in work rather than doing what I said I would, backing work off a bit to spend more time with my family. I've found myself in the trap of telling myself that I am not worthy of my little family's company and I need to earn more to "make up" for the time, opportunities and money I have lost over the years. Idk I had a nice early evening with my wife and son today after being told by my secretary to log off and do what I said I would by putting my family first. 

@ladyholly / @mark55man I'm so proud of him and 100% want him to grow up to be independent. I've been having the he doesn't really need me thoughts as my wife is a brilliant mum and I'm !!!!!! 100% not the best role model ha. I really hope he does want to know us when he grows up, I know even when he's much older it will mean a lot to have us there all being well. 

@Willowtree222 absolutely re any additional amount being progress - this is stuff we'd have either thrown away or just left to be forgotten about in the past both dumb and wasteful really. My mindset has changed a lot though I still find it a struggle and unfortunately, there are times I wish I'd not embarked on this journey. I know that's just !!!!!! madness as I'd not be in a good position now at all I don't think had I not.

RelievedSheff

Make sure you get in more of those family moments Alt. They are good for the state of mind.