Moving on with things

Baileys_Babe

It's good to hear from you Alt. Well done on getting your debt sun £20k in won't be long until you are under £15k.

Forming positive habits is very challenging, if it wasn't people wouldn't make money selling books on the subject 😉

You want to spend more time with your family, you know you function better when you do, and they enjoy spending time with you. Please make sure you prioritize this. All three of you deserve it.

If the weather around you has been anything like ours this month, either torrential rain or storm force winds, it is unsurprising that you have made no progress on Couch to 5k.

Making some plans for the future however small sounds like it will help.

alt80

@RelievedSheff thanks, I am lucky to have my little family. We have some holidays planned, not everything is booked yet. We are going to the Norfolk broads in May to try a boating holiday. October we are having a week in Greece then taking my parents on holiday to Croatia. Couple of long weekends planned but not booked apart from annual Centre Parcs trip with the in-laws.

@mark55man thank you, I'm really pleased. I'm less motivated by killing the cards one by one but can't deny that I'm looking forward to closing the next account. 100% re the daily spend card; we had been doing very well with that but moving didn't help at the end of last year - quickly got back on track this year and challenging ourselves to be a bit more disciplined.

@katsu thank you and thank you for your kind words both my wife and the pros see things the way you do.

@enthusiasticsaver thank you, I'm really looking forward to some point this year writing on here I no longer have any balances on cards. It will happen and I have a lot to thank people such as yourself for in helping me to see things for what they actually were so I could move forward. Yes, my mindset is very different, I was wholly selfish, no good for my family at all. I recognise that and just want my family to have long term security now. I don't need things for myself. May seem a bit !!!!!! backward considering the additional borrowing I've taken to move here but I'll get it paid off, its very much my priority after the card balances have been paid. 

The house is generally in good order throughout. We all love living here. We have had some basic work done: painting throughout, tiling etc.  We do want to replace the fittings but there's nothing wrong with them, just want a better quality kitchen tbh that has been quite a downgrade. I won't borrow more money to do it and when we do, we'll spend a lot. The one here isn't old, said to my wife we might as well get the use out of it and our money's worth ha. 

@Baileys_Babe thank you and you're right it won't be long. 

Haha walked into that one lol, yeah very !!!!!! true re habits. How are you getting on with the book?

I suppose I want to bring more money in to at least try to make up for all I've wasted in the past but idk just don't seem to be able to get to the next level. Start to question if I deserve the extra time with my family when I can't provide more for them, I know most my age don't have the luxury of being able to work less hours than is typical too. 

The weather has been just as awful here, few glimmers of light the past week or so - did have a very brisk walk this evening at least but I do need to get onto it. 

lucielle

Keep plodding you will get there. Look in front not backwards. 

L

ladyholly

What a lovely positive post. You are doing so well. No journey is without setbacks but you are overcoming them gradually. Keep going forward.

Willowtree222

I've noticed it's staying lighter longer and that is having a positive impact on things. Hopefully you'll get more evening walks in. 

Those cards are moving fast now. A few more months and it'll just be one! A few years ago, I bet that felt impossible. I remember you posting you felt you'd never get there. 

RelievedSheff

I hope you love the Broads as much as we do. 😀

warby68

I love your recent posts @alt80

It really is a different person chatting away. Its obvious that life is still tough in your head but also the good now has a very firm hold. Your love and pride in your little family shouts out. All is going in the right direction financially and whilst I do believe moving was a very wise move, I bet it was actually quite a challenge to take on the necessary extra debt. Its impressive that you have been able to adjust your 'extremes' behavior and for very good reasons.

I don't have much advice left for you now as you seem to have taken it all (you had a lot of voices saying similar things for a long time) 

Can't argue with any of your financial plans, business or personal now that's for sure. 

Its quite some achievement and I particularly love your closer relationship with your parents as must your son. 

alt80

We had a very quiet weekend; spent less than £50 and some of that was on groceries. Managed to enjoy driving for the first time in probably two years. Got a full week ahead, so it's nice to have had a relaxed weekend. 

@lucielle thank you. I find looking forward tough sometimes but it is something I need to carry on doing. 

@ladyholly thank you, edging forward beats going backwards, 100%. Unfortunately, my mental health still isn't great, takes a long time to reframe ingrained ways of thinking I suppose. 

@Willowtree222 I've started to notice the lighter evenings this past week or two, definitely lifts my mood a little. We all prefer summer. We did at least have a beautiful sunset last Thursday.

I didn't think I'd get here tbh I thought I'd !!!!!! it up. Some days I've come close but with (significant amounts of) help I've come to the realisation my family is a lot more important than what used to be important to me. Don't get me wrong, we both spent money all the time. We did it to numb the pain a bit looking back with hindsight (and years of therapy). Idk we're in a fortunate position to have been able to throw ourselves into therapy/ recovery etc.; I don't want to take that for granted and wind up throwing it all away - keeps me on the path sometimes.

@RelievedSheff I'll let you know! Reading about and looking at your photos of the places you visit has definitely inspired me to start enjoying holidays a lot more. The anxiety of being away from my office for more times than I would have ever allowed myself to have is starting to ease. We did used to go away on holiday before Covid but I never enjoyed it.

@warby68 thank you. Things aren't exactly easy still but I'm definitely on a better path, I know that much. It's no excuse for my behaviour in the past but I wasn't well at all, I can see that now although it is frustrating that some of the mindset I had lead to rapid growth during my earlier years in business before addiction really took hold. I'm so !!!!!! burned out from destroying myself these days I struggle to propel forwards, on the occasions momentum starts to build I start getting !!!!!! obsessed again followed by the cravings starting for the obvious unfortunately but also for the old lifestyle. !!!!!! madness I know. Discussed the patterns so much I recognise it but how I'm meant to get to the next level seems beyond me rn. This weekend I said to my wife if I didn't think I could do better for her, I'd just give up, accept my level, do a day or two a week to keep my brain ticking over and manage my staff just !!!!!! semi-retire and accept basically. Pathetic at my age I know.

In terms of the additional borrowing for our new home I have found it very difficult. I can't really articulate how difficult and conflicting I found it especially as I know we could have bought a lovely place in a semi-rural location for no more than our old home sold for. We considered that a few times but I couldn't do it and my wife came to the conclusion she liked the idea more than the reality of those kinds of places thankfully. I knew I could sell my old place to the guy who bought it and it got to the point he really wanted to buy it and we really wanted out but as far as I was concerned we didn't have the money to move to where we are now. We were a bit stuck at that point - I was aware this place was going to come on the market, dismissed the previous owner inviting me to give him my opinion on value prior to him putting it on the market a few times as I suspected I'd like it for myself and I was !!!!!! embarrassed I couldn't afford it.

Need to at least try to get to sleep now, been sitting here too !!!!!! long deciding whether to hit post comment or not ha.

satchmo1

Hi Alt, one thing to remember about forgiveness (of yourself or of others) is that it isn't a one-time thing. It's something that has to be done whenever the demons try to rise up. Realising that it's an ongoing process is rather like having your "lightbulb moment" in terms of the approach to finances that is often talked about on this forum. 

alt80

No idea how we're entering the latter part of the week tomorrow but here we are. Fortunately, we are not forecast snow here at least. No financial updates and another quiet weekend planned. I have not been too well over the past few days. Told my boy this evening to not do things that will compromise his future health. I'm not sure he listened.

I need to get my diet under control again, mentioned on here before how one of my staff is a good baker. Recently been eating a slice of cake or a biscuit or whatever she's been baking every working day. It's not good, I know !!!!!! reminded at home every day ha.

@satchmo1 thank you and you are 100% right, just not always easy to put into practice.