Moving on with things

mark55man

A piece of cake a day sounds like bliss - just don't do 2 a day.  But understand the downside - I am trying to be as low carb as possible and cake is not low-carb

alt80

Even more !!!!!! ill today idk. 

Did get a tiny flurry of snow here but just raining now as it has been all day.

@mark55man ha sounds like you don't have the food police at home lol. Low carb diets are !!!!!! hard to stick to imo.

katsu

alt80 said:

@warby68 thank you. Things aren't exactly easy still but I'm definitely on a better path, I know that much. It's no excuse for my behaviour in the past but I wasn't well at all, I can see that now although it is frustrating that some of the mindset I had lead to rapid growth during my earlier years in business before addiction really took hold. I'm so !!!!!! burned out from destroying myself these days I struggle to propel forwards, on the occasions momentum starts to build I start getting !!!!!! obsessed again followed by the cravings starting for the obvious unfortunately but also for the old lifestyle. !!!!!! madness I know. Discussed the patterns so much I recognise it but how I'm meant to get to the next level seems beyond me rn. This weekend I said to my wife if I didn't think I could do better for her, I'd just give up, accept my level, do a day or two a week to keep my brain ticking over and manage my staff just !!!!!! semi-retire and accept basically. Pathetic at my age I know.



Need to at least try to get to sleep now, been sitting here too !!!!!! long deciding whether to hit post comment or not ha.

It sounds wonderful. Quality time for yourself and your family. Time with your son whilst he's still young. 

You could do charity volunteering - in sure your strategic or technical skills would be really desired. 

I don't think it's pathetic.  I think it would be wonderful. I wish I could work 1-2 days a week and have a decent quality of life.

I suspect many of us would admire or envy you. I don't think you'd find anyone here calling it pathetic. 

alt80

Idk how we’ve got to the weekend and half term already. I’m completely !!!!!! whacked, hardly slept at all last night. 

@katsu you aren’t the only one saying I should grab the opportunity to let the business tick along where it is and reign the stress in. 

My business is my whole identity really. I love spending time with my family it’s something I really cherish nowadays but that’s nothing but selfish really. Wife likes doing a lot of things with our son especially now he’s getting that bit older they get out playing tennis, football, karting, bike rides, trips to museums / galleries, spa afternoons, taking the old car out, etc idk I can’t keep up with it. She’s a pro Mum. Makes him a lucky kid really, lot of his mates parents both work and the Mums tend to be a bit !!!!!! strict and snooty I get back from work and they’re on the !!!!!! playstation lol. All I can do that she can’t is give him some days out at work, love my Mrs to bits but she’s not going to give him a work ethic. If he saw I slowed down, he’d potentially think it was acceptable to get to my age and not be working hard. In-laws weren’t particularly hard workers and my parents have gone soft in their old age, they fuss around him like he’s some little king lol. I don’t want him growing up thinking he doesn’t have to work.

Not sure I’m quite at the charity trustee stage yet. Quite like the idea of it some day but I should be working towards providing well for my own family rn. I do have some good friends much older than me who give their time to those kind of roles and get a lot from them but they’re in their 70s/80s. Only friends I have left are all that sort of age tbh through choice. 

Idk I think I can get to the next level sometimes but I’m so !!!!!! afraid of slipping up, I can’t just work through it for long when I recognise I’m starting to get !!!!!! obsessed with things tbf it’s usually with the help of my counsellor that I recognise the path of wrongdoings before they escalate beyond not being able to leave work alone. There are times I think about just pushing on but I can’t risk it. If I slip up again I know in the long run it just gets out of hand and rather than being just a bit of a disappointment I wind up a complete !!!!!! disgrace. They all say you need to stop for yourself, I’ve managed so far for my family and because I can now see how revolting it is as well as the agony and exploitation. I didn’t even care, shows my true colours as some of my in-laws say. Idk as much as I try to do all the being nice to yourself etc. I can’t beyond a few weeks or so, suppose I know deep down I’m a !!!!!! haha. 

katsu

I know charity trustees with jobs @alt80. People who are using it for their career, people who are passionate about an issue, people who are interested in the challenge... lots of reasons.

I've mostly been involved with charity trustees of working age. I do know quite a few are retired but I think it depends on maybe what the charity is or something? I have met a few under 30 years old but I would say mostly they are older. But many of the ones I know are 30s to 50s/60s.  Might just be where I've volunteered over the years. 

I'm not saying you need to be a charity trustee by the way, just that there's a host of things you can do in your life that show your son a work ethic and work life balance. You are right to show him that hard work pays... if you decide to reduce your hours you are showing him how hard you worked to get there by what, your 30s/40s?

I'm sure he won't be a lazy !!!!!! if you don't work full time!

Just some reflections for you. No pressure. 

Baileys_Babe

If you did reduce your hours at work and took on some volunteering or charity role you would be demonstrating to your son how it is important to look after your family but also to help others.

Other benefits would include:
1) you would have a wider range of subjects to talk about when socialising, whether that be with friends, extended family, parents from your son's school, or colleagues at work.
2) meeting new people - possibly in the long term making new friends
3) developing new skills

As well as trustee or school governor you could also look at more front line volunteering areas to consider are charity shop or warehouse, a shelter, food bank....

If this is a direction you choose to pursue you are demonstrating to yourself and others that hard work pays, if you hadn't put the work in for years you wouldn't now have a successful business, where you have put the right people in place so it doesn't need you to micromanage.

Remember this does not have to be a permanent change to your working week. Depending on the role/s your volunteering could be as little as a couple oh hours a month to full time. This also does not have to be something you do now, you could do the research now with a plan to start in 3/5/10 years or when you get to a certain age.

By even entertaining the idea you have yet again demonstrated that you have compassion 😊

RelievedSheff

I think you are looking at the "slowing down" in the wrong light!

It should set an example to your boy that you have to find the right balance between working hard for a living but leaving time for family time and going away making memories. 

You have to strike a balance.

daisy_1571

Just a thought in case it reframes anything, as I understand it, if you have 'a business' it carries on in the background, creating income for you with the right people doing the actual work.  If you have to go in and do the work, you have 'a job'.  Semantics maybe, but then everything is changeable depending how you look at it.

Lots of people actively make their money so they can have time.  Time to do good in the world, time to read, time to spend with family or in nature or doing hobbies, time to just count the clouds and exist if thats what they want.   Lots of other people want to work till they drop dead at their desk.  Neither is wrong.  Different courses for different horses. 

What I would say, and apologies for saying it if you can't bear the thought, but you don't have total control over how your child turns out.  They will of course be influenced and informed by their childhood upbringing and physical situation.   But their own personality will have an effect.   Who they make pals with will also affect their decisions and fads which sometimes leave no mark, other times are a lifelong interest or even career.  There's stories of people coming from nothing and making good, equally stories of those with (it would appear) every possible advantage who never seem to be happy.   I'd say if you are in a position to offer choices, build 'character' so they continue to make sensible choices as they grow away from direct parental influence, try to instill ideas of kindness, compassion and empathy you will go a long way to creating a human being who is more likely to make and keep friendships which increases chances of finding a life partner who makes them happy and whom they can make happy.  Those things in some people's eyes is just as successful as a large bank balance.  (By choices I mean exactly the kind of things you appear to do, different hobbies and interests, exposure to things that might become an interest, exposure to reading, music etc)


Just a thought from my own perspective.   Not intended as criticism or even anything you need to respond to.

Daisy xx

alt80

I have not been well at all this week and had hardly any sleep whatsoever, barely left the office, let my little family down; not being able to do the things I said I would over this half term and had a falling out with my wife for the first time since we have been working on our marriage. Drs both private and NHS are still putting it down to stress / think it's not anything major and I should rest etc. wife thinks I need to give up trying to find a cause for this and listen to them. I don't see how stress can cause all this or how it can linger for so !!!!!! long so am seriously thinking about breaking my promise of no medical expenses outside of what's covered under my insurance. I want to book into a London clinic for a consultation and full scan. Part of me doesn't want to spend the money and thinks I'm not worth it but we aren't in a position to just draw a line under me. Fortunately, I managed to get a little more sleep over the past couple of nights and I have been a little better yesterday and today.

@katsu thanks, it's not something I'm considering rn but would like to think I may sometime in the future. I do think my son is in danger of possibly thinking he doesn't need to work hard, it's probably obvious I'll do anything I can to make sure he's set up well in life. Not the start I had, tbf I would like things to be easier for him and for him not to make the mistakes I have in life. I'm 43, feel about !!!!!! 83 some days recently, don't want that for him.

@Baileys_Babe I would like to think he is growing up to think about others as well as himself - his school is very good for this. 

I put people into positions within the business because I knew I was struggling and they would be good to both fill and develop those roles. I have something fairly good now and a lot of the credit extends to my staff rather than myself.

@RelievedSheff I can't mate. You are fortunate to have interests, friends, your van etc. I have my business and a responsibility to my family, staff, tenants etc. I don't wish my life upon my son at all, I pray he finds the balance.

@daisy_1571 Ha the old business/ job question. To cut a potential long post short, I have managed to leave the business for a month (not through choice) and come back to it ticking along nicely. Most aspects are run by staff. I have my own professional interests, so I'm still a fee earner too. That aspect is the 'job' aspect and so is some of the day-to-day management. I also have a couple of new ventures / projects that require my time.

RelievedSheff

Perhaps you should listen to the doctors and your support team. Stress can take a huge toll on your body and your mental health.