Moving on with things

RelievedSheff

Sorry you feel you have to move Alt that's terrible.

Can you not do that to somewhere without the need to take in extra finance though? I'm sure your budget would find a beautiful detached house in your neck of the woods?

Tell me to !!!!!! off of course 😀

Baileys_Babe

I appreciate you taking the time to check in with us  @alt80

I'm pleased that your wife has decide to maintain a healthy weight and you have stayed on track with not using substances.

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling at present but you have found positive ways to distract yourself which come with the added bonus that the are making you physically exhausted, so you are sleeping at night.

The positives of the move are you are relocating to an area you have always wanted to live, you get away from undesirable people who are causing you distress, but the biggy in my mind is shows to the world and your family your commitment to your new clean life, along with your vow renewal.

Try to include some family time in each day, whether that is walking the dog, a quick game of cards, watching a film together - it doesn't matter what it is, it is good for all of you to spend sometime together.

Iamouttheotherside

@alt80
Alt I am going to jump in here and say your move is definitely the right thing to do, you know my hubby had to move hundreds of miles to get away from it all, he left his job, his home, his son, his whole family, yes it was absolute 5HIT, but it worked out and it will for you.

Look on the positive side, you are moving to an area that you have always wanted to live in, yes you are compromising with a semi, but when your paying 850k to live in that house, I can't see your neighbours being undesirables, you say you are compromising on outdoor space -yes your son may not have the mini football pitch anymore but trust me in a few years he won't want to "play" outside.  As you get older you will also want your garden to be "nice" but not a chore that costs a fortune to have a gardener in to sort it.  You are moving away from all the trouble, it is a fresh start.

A few bits of advice - keep the details of your new house a total secret, don't put pictures of anything on social media, it is easy to do a reverse image search and location search.  Make sure you use a reputable removal firm who won't spill out any details of where you moved to.  Be careful you are not followed when leaving your business, change your hours, work from home, not ideal but until it all dies down.  I would also put security cameras up around your new house, they don't have to be permanent, just discreet but at least then you have a record if you are found.  I may sound a bit dramatic, but better safe than sorry, people like that have no boundaries.  Also if they know what school your son goes too, make sure no-one else picks him up.

This is a fresh start for all of you, I promise you it will all be worth it.  As for keeping busy and being knackered, if that works for you, just do it - at least now you are sleeping when you are supposed to be sleeping, just spend some time with your wife and son too, show yourself that everything you are doing is worth it for their love that they give you.

Big congratulations to Mrs Alt too, for finding her balance, I have to say, pretty amazing girl!

alt80

@Sun_Addict Hope you and Mr SA are well?

I will do my best to ensure he doesn't find our new address. He's getting worse and worse as the years pass. Really !!!!!! sad tbf, had every chance in life and just !!!!!! every opportunity right up the wall. Just don't need it around me and my family.

@RelievedSheff Looking forward to catching up on your trip to France!

I won't tell you to !!!!!! mate, you're not wrong, certainly if we moved out to one of the villages we'd get much more. It was something we considered, decided against being so far away from things. I've always really loved the area we're moving to, don't want to make it seem like we're not happy about where we are moving to, we are happy about the house and location, just not the circumstances.

@Baileys_Babe thank you. I'm pleased she is maintaining her weight too, underweight is as unhealthy as overweight if not more so. These past few weeks I've managed to realise my recovery is something to be proud of rather than ashamed about. Managed to go into town over the bank holiday with our friends we bought the old car off. We were invited out for a meal after a drive out in the old cars and idk what changed but they'd invited a couple of others for the meal, people we didn't know and I just thought !!!!!! it I don't want to drink, had promised myself I would have a full month AF, wanted to stick to it and just told them no thanks, I'm in recovery. Until I set the record straight they thought it was alcohol, doesn't really matter just didn't want them being awkward when we go out again if I decide to have a drink. I know my family and people on here have heard this before from me but I'm 100% committed to staying clean. Just not something I want to bring into my life or my family's lives ever again.

I do always make sure I spend some time with my family; I read to my son every night or he reads to me and we always walk our dog every evening together.

@Iamouttheotherside thank you, I hope we are doing the right thing. This house is our home, has been our son's only home, spent a fortune on the kitchen and it'll be a lovely place for someone but some !!!!!! horrible memories for us here, one room I hate going into, wife does too. Idk hard to let go though.

We have had additional security in place for some time now but thank you, a few other things I will think about there. I still hope he gets himself sorted but just gets worse. His ex-wife has had problems with him for years and other former business associates too.

I know I need to find that balance and get some time to relax too. I've been quite ill the past few days, pros told me to have a little break even if that does mean my wife starting to do a bit more again which she doesn't mind, tells me I should leave something for her to do tbf. My mum always told us as kids that the devil makes work of idle hands especially mine, ha idk some truth in that too but not what I want to teach my boy. Think there's something in people striving for balance in life if they can, hope that will give him a happier life.

warby68

Great to hear from you @alt80, good news and bad.

I 100% support a house move - once your home is tainted it isn't the same. You seem to have found a property in the location you wanted. As you well know, location is everything so the other compromises should be worth it. Plus its a project and something to look forward to and build together with sensible money and joint decisons. The very best of new starts to you both.

Your ex friend is a menace and I wonder how much his lurking presence has hampered your recovery (the wider aspects). With a child, I would not hesitate to go as legal as possible to keep him away.

I hope you don't mind me having a smile at your expense. Taking on the household duties. The extreme gene strikes again. For you, it has to be flipping all of them !! Seriously, all the work and all the house will be too much in the long run. Do what you need to do for now though especially if you sleep but get a bit of balance longer term. A gentle suggestion, you could do some of the bigger chores together. The jobs go by much quicker when you're chatting and having a bit of a laugh together and it wouldn't do junior alt any harm to do a couple with you either. I can see a little bit of you wanting to 'make up' to Mrs and give her some princess life in that decision too but be careful it doesn't go too far. She's an adult now and doing brilliantly.

RelievedSheff

Sounds like it is a move you have thought through. Best of luck to you all with the move. And I hope you find your peace there. 

alt80

Few more days not well, I know it’s just being generally knackered tbf. Usual battle with my Mrs over whether she “needs” an iPhone upgrade for a periscope camera or not 😆. Son has now joined in on the act too. He apparently “needs” a !!!!!! Pro Max. She gets drawn in every year over the faster processing speed / cameras etc. it makes me laugh every time there’s the announcement as I know neither of them need these improvements to do what they do on phones / computers. Anyway, I’ve lost the battle, had to call my phone provider to get a callback tomorrow to preorder the Max phones fml.

@warby68 it’s not a project by my usual definition of the word but we will want to do some minor works initially with a view to changing some of the fittings later. We really can’t afford to do that initially. First thing I need to get rid of the remaining card balances which isn’t going to happen this year unless I take a large dividend which isn’t best use of company funds imo (or my accountants for that matter). Will have to review the mortgage situation when the fix comes up for renewal- can’t say it is my plan to indefinitely have £250k on I/O without anything of a real plan to pay it apart from selling other property and pulling the money. Also come to the realisation I can’t just keep indefinitely borrowing additional six figure sums for the rest of my life to buy personal stuff. Actually remember you saying not so long ago you’d cleared the balance on your residential mortgage, know you’ve got about 10-12 years on me but I have to say I did think the other day about you and others I know that are the same or on that same path to getting it cleared early / mid fifties and it just struck me that I’ve got a fair few years but not forever. Idk even what I’m trying to say haha. 

My ex friend/ client he’s come up in therapy and yeah I think he has made recovery difficult for me, we were very close. 

I just want to look after my family and keep so busy I don’t have time to be with my own thoughts I suppose. Not really that healthy I know.

@RelievedSheff thank you. It’s been very much thought through, still a difficult decision though possibly sounds silly but it’s different when it’s a home rather than a business transaction.

lucielle

A home should be your safe space, where you can be at ease etc. so it’s completely understandable that it’s been a hard decision to make. 

L

capuchin

Hey buddy, long time so thought I'd check in! Happy to hear the family is going well. Honestly.... I'd perhaps give in on the iphones and count my blessings that it's not Aivazovsky's or something that she's into! A happy family is worth a bit. That said, I was pleased with myself this year when I bought a cheaper phone. I don't miss the flagship. 

I'm almost out of debt now; a visit to Campbeltown beckons. I'm with you on the big loans; decided myself that I'll build up "cash" and then buy/build something outright. I'm fine with debt, but not debt for debts sake. 

alt80

Not really sure how it’s October already but it is and looks like summer is definitely over for another year. Later on this month my wife and I are renewing our vows. The closer it gets the more I start to think I don’t deserve to still be married to her and she deserves better. The past couple of days I’ve been so ill I’ve hardly been out of bed. 

September was productive in a lot of ways. Tried to write an update a few times but couldn’t, not been able to do anything that hasn’t involved work or jobs around the house. Tbf I’ve been doing anything I can to avoid my own thoughts. 

We’ve been seriously decluttering and selling a lot of things we no longer want, need or have memories attached to them that we’d rather leave behind. This at least resulted in a bumper debt reduction of £9.15k this month. Some more stuff still up for sale too and will review prices. We don’t want to take this stuff and all the money we get from the decluttering is going towards reducing the card balances. 

No completion date yet but we have a motivated buyer currently living with family after selling their property and our vendor is moving abroad. Mortgage sorted and the conveyancing is going smoothly. Our boy was months old when we moved here, now he’s taking an interest in the process, his new room etc. idk it’s been a real reminder for both my wife and I that he’s not so little anymore. Seems happy so long as we take his garden den and he gets to choose the furnishing and decor of his new room. He’s 10 on the 2nd, wife said to me the other day over the next decade he’ll have left school, be a young man, might no longer even be living at home. Not exactly telling me anything I didn’t already know but it !!!!!! hit me hard. 

Business is fairly quiet, tbf things are steady and ok which is what matters. I’ve always struggled when I’m not smashing targets, logically and from experience I know growth is never linear either in business or in life. Been quite ill for the past week or so, I’m aware I’m not helping myself trying to run my business and take on everything at home. I’m not someone who forgives myself easily and these past few years I’ve confronted things about myself, the way I had chosen to live my life and the resulting consequences on those I love. Haven’t been looking after myself, just been trying to do anything to not have to be with my own thoughts. Idk it's definitely not a life I want for my son.

Spent far too long agonising over whether to post this or not that I am at least tired enough to hopefully get some sleep ha.