Moving on with things

satchmo1

The thing about forgiveness @alt80 is that it isn't a "once only" thing, it often has to be repeated (and repeated, and repeated). 

There's a diary thread where the OP always ends with 3 things they feel grateful for. Maybe that'd be a good habit to build in? 

Today I am grateful for
Contact with a family member
Being useful
A good night's sleep 

lucielle

Glad to see the counselling is helping. Hoping there’s some better days to come. 

L

alt80

Had a busy day today but was also in the car for quite a while too. Listened to Steven Bartlett talking to an AI expert, lot of !!!!!! scary but interesting stuff there. Not a topic I really know anything about almost skipped the podcast as I didn't think it'd be that interesting but it was. Actually started wonder how I might be able to automate some processes within my business in the near term. The most thought provoking thing for me was the idea of what if making money was not our identity in a world where AI had taken more of a role in our day to day lives, explained better of course. Heard it plenty of times before, been discussed a lot in therapy, on here etc but the way the AI expert talked about it made me think for a while. Thinking about the fisherman story now ha. I do somewhat wish I wasn't like I am and could embrace making more money not being tied to my entire !!!!!! purpose.

@RelievedSheff the weather has been awful recently idk where summer went ha. Just seen your boat photos, glad you had a nice time.

I can't give up mate. Emotionally I'm completely !!!!!!, think I'm getting somewhere then just get him by another wave of things I've done that have had a detrimental impact on my family, our finances, business etc. at least in part caused by my addiction. Complete regret for how it had such a grip on me. I didn't care about the risks and the affect on my loved ones. Didn't care about the misery of others. It's !!!!!! horrible.

alt80

@satchmo1 you are 100% right. I am meant to be trying to work on things that help with building self worth. It's the hardest !!!!!! thing for me. 

Like the 3 things. So mine for today are kept busy enough to not let negative thoughts take over, had enough sleep last night to function well and dog walk with family this evening wasn't in the rain for once.

@lucielle thank you, I'm not going to give up. If I have to be in therapy for the rest of my life, that's what it takes. Tbf I hope not ha.

lucielle

I think (though it might just be me) we all dwell on things from the past and wonder how things might pan out if things had been done differently. I am guilty of looking back instead of forwards and have to tell myself enough!
L

Iamouttheotherside

@alt80. You sound in an ok place at present, you seem to be keeping busy and good to hear you chat about other things happening in the world.

I could chat about AI all day, my kids made me aware of how advanced it was about 5 years ago, they did an assessment in school (your son will probably do the same in year 7), on how safe your parents jobs would be in 10 years, most of the kids parents are in finance/banking, a few specialist trades ie doctors/engineers, a few in the entertainment industry actors/singers, it was actually shocking how many of the parents jobs (over 80%)  were likely to be taken over in 10 years and that was 5 years ago.

If you think on the finance side how advanced banking/share trading is now compared to just 10 years ago, when for example, you had to go physically into the bank to pay in cheques were now 99.9% is paid by bank transfer and the occasional one who pays by cheque, the cheque is now deposited by taking a photo.
Likewise share trading which I do occasionally, you set the buying/selling price and its all done for you.
People now see it as the norm, but it genuinely wasn't 10/15 years ago.

I don't know if you use Chat GPT?  It's amazing, you can paste an email into it with the words "reply to this email" and it will reply, you can keep doing it, each response is different, it can go from very professional to very informal.   You can guide CHAT GPT on how to respond also, by saying for example "decline this email"

I have to also confess I have allowed my youngest to use it for homework, it was a huge script about hitler he had to draft, he had left it to the last minute so I copied the questions into chat GPT, it did a huge script for the answer, we copied and pasted it, and the school never noticed!  

I recently used Chat GPT for legal purposes, it drafted a perfect letter, that genuinely looked like it had been scripted by a solicitor, the matter got instantly resolved.

I think lockdown has given the opportunity for technology and AI to be introduced much quicker, but I think that will be the biggest shock when peoples jobs are getting replaced.

We even have robotic waiting staff in some outlets down here, the food/drink is loaded onto the robot in the kitchen/bar and then comes to your table.

It's progressing massively, but sneaking up on us.  As Elon Musk said "it has the potential of civilisation destruction".  I don't think it will be long before we are like Sweden and wearing chips in our hands with our identity and using it to pay.


Anyway back on track... keep hammering the credit cards, you are doing so well, keep in a good place in your head and keep your family strong and together.

alt80

Went away with my family again last week for a few days. Wasn't too spendy. Had a really nice time, these days I really enjoy just spending time with my little family and bit of work done there too so it was a nice balance. Trying to keep with the healthier routine, starting to get back into working out again. Also try to keep myself a bit more active through the day and keep up with the meditation, yoga, morning and bedtime routine. All the stuff I was doing early in recovery, should have kept up with but didn't. Alcohol free month going well. I only really find that difficult if we eat out at a restaurant, doesn't feel right without a bottle of wine. Tbf I know I need to really limit drinking, it's not good for me. I know most people in my position give it up entirely, I have 9/10 and usually am really strict with no more than two glasses of wine with a meal these days if I do have a drink which is usually less than once a month. Just trying to live healthier again. Some days it's really tough, others I'm reminded that I am doing right by my family.

This afternoon I worked from home so I could spend a little bit of time with my family. Wife was looking after our boy and one of his schoolfriends. We are very slowly building a little garden den, something my son and I designed together in lockdown, didn't get around to it but he still wants to build it so we had an hour on it this afternoon despite the weather. I !!!!!! broke down when his parents came to pick him up and said they think I've turned out to be a good dad. They know enough about what's wrong with me and we used to !!!!!! hate each other but they sat with me for a bit gave me a hug. Idk all I want now is my wife and son to be happy in life. I still twist it with money and feeling they deserving more than I could ever give. It fuels depressive thoughts and I have really been struggling and battling. Idk why I'm writing this, just a little note there are things more important than money in life. It's still important, I don't buy any of the rhetoric about it not mattering at all, never have. Poverty is awful for all involved and those really battling just about get by that's !!!!!! hard too.

On a note moving towards my own debt busting, we're having a push on getting the things we want to sell sold over the next few weeks. 

@lucielle it's horrible to look back on things/ actions taken with hindsight. I genuinely with all my heart wish I'd !!!!!! grown up when we found out my wife was expecting. Things were really dark during his early years, bit better through Covid generally but still dark sometimes and now I just wish I'd been better for both of them. Can't change what's been though, I have to move forward, basically have no other choice. 

@Iamouttheotherside ha son's friend's parents said that it was good to hear me not talking about my business or things it buys for once in my life ha.

AI is really interesting and the future of all kinds of activities we either consider full time jobs or just day to day things. The podcast guest was saying it's the sheer processing power potential of the AI rather than necessarily advancement in intelligence over that of human beings. A lot of currently good and lucrative jobs likely won't exist. Lot of parents are medical doctors/consultants or in the legal profession, both of which will be impacted. Property will be too although I'm not sure that'll be quick - lot of work to do to set everything up for the bots to crack on unassisted imo and there's a human element, not sure how people would like to negotiate with a bot or idk maybe the !!!!!! bots will negotiate with each other ha.

Share trading is probably something which I ought not get into, I've been tempted but it's the sort of thing I'd wind up getting badly addicted too. I think I always knew that and probably one of the reasons I've always stuck with bricks and mortar. 

Haven't done a lot with ChatGPT and only used the free 3.5 version tbh I started playing about with it last week after the AI podcast ha but from my extremely limited experience so far, a lot is down to how you prompt it and being very precise with exactly what you want it to product. The email you were getting it to respond to, you need to tell it how. How to use ChatGPT to reply to emails in your 9-5 job like a pro - chatgptguide.ai - this website is a great starting point for learning how to use ChatGPT in emailt but some weird stuff on there like using ChatGPT to speak to your wife/husband/partner fml. Tbf I shouldn't knock it, might have been cheaper than a therapist ha. Idk re Sweden, it's a !!!!!! weird thought having some chip implanted into your hand to pay for stuff but so was paying for things on your phone 10 years ago and idk about you but we use Apple Pay more frequently than any other method of payment that it has become the default.

Elon Musk is 100% right, it's !!!!!! fascinating and terrifying in about equal measures. 

RelievedSheff

You sound much more positive this morning. It's nice to hear.

lucielle

That was a nice thing to say from the parents, they have told you how well you're doing and they have seen the difference and the fact you're trying so hard.
L

Iamouttheotherside

@alt80 Well, have to say you sound so well!  I am sure I am not the only one, but when you don't post for a while, I do get the dread that you are in a bad place, so its so nice to hear that its totally the opposite.

You are beginning to enjoy not just materialistic things that money can buy but memories and time with your family, you are turning a huge corner.

As for your sons friends parents, they never hated YOU, they just hated what you did and how you became on the 5hit.  They are realising you are a really good person, good dad and good husband deep down inside.  As I said a while back as you recover your true friends will appear, it looks like these are one of your first.   I bet by Christmas you have invited them over for dinner, all 4 of you while your boy and his friend are playing and then his friend has a sleepover.

As for you health kick/drinking you will get a balance, your body and mind is still in recovery, remember, give it time.

As for money... we've been poor and I mean really poor, think £20-30 a week for a food shop, we only had one child then, but I was the one there at Tescos, on Monday night looking through yellow stickers, always bought 2 chickens for a fiver, 2 packets of mince for a fiver and the rest on veg/butter/milk/bread/coffee/tea. Now we are very well off, are we happier?? Probably yes, because we have no stress, but not happier or anymore in love as a family, as we were and still are a very solid family anyway and hubby and I are still very much in love now as we were then.

What money does bring you is choices, it buys you experiences, it gives you freedom.   What it doesn't buy you is guaranteed good health, doesn't buy you true friends, maybe acquaintances but not true friends who, for example you would trust your children to reside with.   It also gives you the chance to help other people in need/ businesses in need/ friends in need.  What I am trying to say is that when you're debt free, your relationship with money won't change but your outlook on life will.  

Loving the den you have built with your family, I vision a teen room being built in your garden in the near future! ;-)

So good to hear you are doing so well, even though I don't know you, I am very proud of how far you have come this time, so your wife must be bursting with pride.

Keep on the track and have a good week.