Moving on with things

lucielle

I really don't like the forum but will get used to it.  I'm so pleased to read you're having a great time and creating happy memories!
L

alt80

Just logged into here on my computer, all the conversations are aligned to the left rather than to the centre and the comment box has a green background idk should have just left it alone imo. Probably should stop whining about it now though ha.

Been back home a couple of days both wife and I both on the chicken salad diet, we’ve ate far too much. Really indulged so I need to lose the best part of a stone now and get back to the gym properly. Even had my MIL telling me I’m looking a bit !!!!!! chubby this weekend. Completely whacked as usual though so I’m not back to the gym yet. Both France and Centre Parcs were brilliant, had a really good time. Weather is !!!!!! awful and was for our weekend in Centre Parcs. Tbf despite the weather, we had a good time, it’s not everything. Couple of days I managed to go about my day completely free of the negative stuff altogether, Mrs walked it out of me ha. Family’s idea of a holiday is walking about 10 miles a day and going to a lot of places. It makes them happy so I’m not complaining but a few days of doing very little in nice surroundings does sound appealing. Until I think about what that really is - being left with your own thoughts which I really don’t need ha. I know we spent heavily, haven’t logged it yet but it has made my little family happy idk it's conflicting.

@enthusiasticsaver I didn’t respond properly on my phone whilst I was away. My wife feels massively ripped off by the IG influencers and feels some brands manipulate consumers into buying in quite a nasty way. Tbf I agree with her. She still likes her beauty and fashion but stays away from the marketing, doesn’t want to be sucked in and wants to buy products for her rather than because someone off IG or TikTok told her to. I’m counting the days down to renew our vows !!!!!! bursting with pride.

I’ve long had problematic spending habits probably only thing that has stopped things being a lot worse over years past is knowing if I !!!!!! my personal creditworthiness it would impact business. 

It was a long time ago but I remember you writing in one of your responses to me that everyone deserves to have a family. !!!!!! broke me that did. Now I’m attempting to reframe thinking myself unworthy of my family in therapy, not easy at all and still feel !!!!!! awful for having to limit what I spend on them. I know it doesn’t matter at all but I quantify my own worth. Not something I ever want for my boy. Actively trying to steer him towards a healthier attitude to material things and financial worth. 

MatyMoo

Honestly Alt, when I look back at my childhood I remember far more experiences than things and I bet we are all the same 😉

I have been to Centre Parcs twice & loved it both times. The only time the weather matters is when you are biking between activities 😂 Love the spa’s and the pools too. 

alt80

Had an ok day today, been busy with work as usual. I know I need to face the card balance over the next few days. We've spent but I don't think it's horrific. 

@MatyMoo iswyacf ha idk just want to give them more. No amount is ever enough for me, never has been. Know my attitude to life is pretty !!!!!! sad really tbf.

We do enjoy Centre Parcs and are grateful to my in-laws. They take their children, partners and grandchildren every year at the start of summer. They are away with all of wife's siblings and their families again this week ha. It's a big expense to them as they have 4 kids. The first time I went (used to avoid it) I felt !!!!!! terrible accepting them paying for us, now I'm just grateful they do something so nice for their children and their families. It's a tradition I'd like to carry on when our boy has grown up.

enthusiasticsaver

Glad you enjoyed Centre Parcs and we do like your in laws and take our children and grandchildren there every other year. This year I overcame my fears and did the tree canopy climb with the zip line over the lake and loved it. 

You sound so much more balanced these days and your wife has done well to move away from the false influencers social media hype. Enjoy your hols when you go to Greece. 

RelievedSheff

Grand parents are there to spoil there grand children and their own children.

It sounds like you are all making great memories together. Your son will remember these days fondly in years to come.

Glad you managed to switch off and have a good time as well. You deserve it.

alt80

Thanks both think it was probably the calm before the storm. Things are awful rn, I'm in a really bad place mentally. I have started to write responses and couldn't post idk why.

Have managed to clear another £2.25k from the outstanding balance which is now at £30,250. The past few months we have spent heavily when we've been on holiday so I'm behind target. Our day to day spends are put on one credit card which we clear in full and clear the minimum payments on the outstanding cards then the surplus at the end of the month is paid from the remaining balance.

My wife does want to sell a few more things that have a total value of c.£8-10k, getting rid of things we'd rather no longer own has just gone on the backburner tbf she's been trying to look after me. Know it should be the other way around. Also wants to spent c£2k on some white Louboutin's and a little heart shaped Judith Leiber bag for our vow renewal. Every time she mentions these I just feel awful, start thinking she'd be better finding someone who can give her all the nice things in life that she wants. I just can't rn and I had convinced myself I'd be rid of the credit cards by the end of the year but idk it's going to involve taking an additional large sum out of the business at the end of the year to do it and it's just !!!!!! killing me. Dealing with a few challenges in business too so have been flipping between thinking I should leave all money in I can or to once and for all sorting my credit card balances out and just be more careful thereafter. Emotionally I've no hiding or relief anymore and seeing things for what they are and decisions I made in the past for what they are too both in business and personally is the hardest thing I've ever done, see myself as a real failure. Know that's not helpful but no matter how much treatment I have I can't shake it.

Only the other day one of my staff mentioned he's saving to up his 6 month emergency fund to 12 months and is now up to his interim goal of 9 months. Although I have never cared about that sort of safety net in the past, these days I'm quite envious in a way of people who haven't been perpetually in debt and have been less reckless generally. I'm not sure how much it is tied to me getting clean but I think it has something to do with it.

Good to hear you faced the fear and enjoyed the tree canopy climb @enthusiasticsaver, being able to one day give generously to my family and some charitably is something I would like to do. 

@RelievedSheff I try not to be miserable in front of my son. Tbf I did managed to switch off on holiday and just enjoy the present. It was wonderful.

poppy811

I
 I think you have made great strides recently. Well done!  I do think you still confuse expensive things with love.  Plenty of people will tell you that they  were poor when growing up  but knew they were loved.   Nothing wrong with aspiring to have nice things and experiences but just needs balance.  Keep going

RelievedSheff

You sound as though you are struggling again Alt. Have you been in touch with your counsellors for some extra help?

I wouldn't worry too much about trying to clear the cards by the end of the year. What does it matter if it is another year or more before they are gone? So long as the balances are heading in the right general direction that is all that matters surely?

Paying down debt isn't a punishment. You can still enjoy life while you are paying down debt. Don't feel guilty for enjoying yourself. 

maddiemay

@alt80 sorry to read that life is particularly tough, just a quick read and run post, sending you peaceful vibes and suggesting that you don't do anything in a hurry re, taking money from the business, wait until you get in a calmer frame of mind and re-evaluate, I know it has been said before, but goals can and sometimes should be adjusted to suit change of circumstance.
Take care, you have come so far, you will get there.