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  • stymied
    stymied Posts: 654 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Leaving the money in the business to grow makes sense as long as your cards are still on 0% with low balance transfer rates. When do your current 0% end? That could be a good date to target.

    I’ll never understand £2k shoes! Now I could understand a nice orchard or space for craft supplies. Each to their own!
  • RelievedSheff
    RelievedSheff Posts: 12,690 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Sixth Anniversary Name Dropper Photogenic
    Deep down nobody wants an "envious lifestyle "

    Who gives a toss what other people think?

    What is important is making all three of you happy. Not impressing people who don't matter or care.


  • alt80
    alt80 Posts: 4,637 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    Not had a great day today. Had a fairly quiet one yesterday just spending the day with my wife but last night had far too much to drink. Should have gone to bed when wife did but stayed up. Felt awful today, couldn’t get out of bed and didn’t manage to go for lunch. Complete waste of a day for no reason and not something I will be making a habit of. I know a lot of people in my position quit drinking altogether, I have in social settings though tbf just avoid the social settings entirely which eliminates any temptation there. It’s something that I’ve been very disciplined about since last year but has been creeping up a bit since we came back from holiday. Anyway I’m planning to have at least a month off now and make a renewed commitment to getting back to the more healthy ways to deal with stress. Promised my wife I’ll speak with the pros tomorrow, train with her and do some of the yoga and meditation I should be doing to keep healthy. Bit of a wake up call tbf, don’t want to go down the road to relapse and I was better when I was really making the effort with the healthy lifestyle more.

    @stymied the card with the largest balance has 14 months at 0% left to run. Your advice is what I’d give someone else, the reminders just really affects my mental health. Idk need to stop being stupid about it I suppose.

     The shoes are £750 I think, the £2k is for the shoes and the bag not that it matters. We all like different things and they make her happy which is what really matters.

    @RelievedSheff ha think the saying goes those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind or something like that. I just want the best for them, give them the world which I can’t do unfortunately.
  • alt80
    alt80 Posts: 4,637 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    Had a much better start to the day today than for a long time. Did ten minute guided meditation as I used to do when I was really working on having a healthier lifestyle, bit of a morning workout with wife and son before work too. Come into work and have got on a lot better for it too. Tbf had a bit of a wake up call spending my Saturday night and well into Sunday morning sat looking through all my old work files drinking myself into oblivion. !!!!!! madness and not enjoyable in the slightest. I know getting like that isn't any good for me at all, leads to worse stuff. I am struggling with my mindset I know that much, have to want to do it for yourself I know.

    Keep thinking if I cleared the card balances tomorrow I'd feel better but tbf that's just my !!!!!! brain telling me that. What's been spent has been spent, it's gone and shouldn't matter on what if those things have been dealt with. That's only what I'd tell someone else. No matter how much or how little I have it's not enough and it !!!!!! tortures me. That's what having no self respect does I suppose. Just wind up hoping one day I'll make enough money to give my family a lifestyle that is so good I will be able to say I did enough for them which makes me feel so !!!!!! awful about some of the things I have spent money on in the past. 
  • RelievedSheff
    RelievedSheff Posts: 12,690 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Sixth Anniversary Name Dropper Photogenic
    You sound much more positive this morning.
  • crunchy_time
    crunchy_time Posts: 520 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 1 August 2023 at 5:26PM
    I’m de-lurking to tell you how well you are doing and you should be so proud. But stop looking backward, as people are saying and start looking forwards. I wonder whether you need to start changing your mindset around money. When you have paid off all that debt there will be something else that takes that place - probably pensions and overpayments on mortgages by the sounds of it but I’m worried that you are just focusing on providing and not your own enjoyment of life.

    Instead of looking backwards, could you look around and see what everyone else is spending their money on, and I don’t mean in a comparison sense but more of a curious sense? There is a guy called Ramit who wrote a book about living ‘your’ rich life. I came across him on the diary of a ceo podcast. Listening to him talk about money has changed my view of it completely. It’s a tool for freedom and he advocates a way of managing your money so you can have fun with a good proportion of it without feeling guilty. I struggled with Dave Ramseys method as it felt like a long old slog with no fun at all. There is a TV series where he looks at other finances as well. I’m searching for it tonight!!.  

    It’s just a suggestion to start exploring other mindsets and hobbies that expand your horizons and help your long term mental health as well. And stop you from staring at the past

    I know you want to give your family ‘the best’ but perhaps you need to start recognising that you are? From what you write on here, they seem pretty happy to me. Is it time for a new perspective perhaps?

    All the best
    Crunch
    Debt-free Jan 2023 | MFW date Dec 2033. Start date 1st January 2023 £257,509 (23 years left)
    Current Mortgage: £235,698
    Emergency Fund = £8,256 Target £10,000
    Currently paying off CC £1204 - Saved £100 so far


  • warby68
    warby68 Posts: 3,135 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    What about setting a repayment amount for the cards that clears them within the 0% period and then putting any monthly surplus into a (and I'm whispering this) savings account. Then you can be clearing debt AND seeing what having a bit of unallocated cash savings feels like, safe in the knowledge you can speed up debt repayment if you want or just keep your options open.

    You need to start doing things in ways which discourage rather than encourage your addict/obsessive/extreme brain to kick in and encourage more balanced behaviour instead. Doing the same all the time will result in the same all the time - the definition of futility. Actually doing it @alt80, not just agreeing its right for other people just not for you.

    And your spreadsheets? Make yourself run a 'balanced' one for next year say - one with similar holidays and weekends away to this including spending money. The way you do it now seems to be to have a 'maximum' debt reduction figure whereby you then identify a  'fail' when this is missed and it naturally often is when really its no failure at all - its a measure of you doing some of the right things with your family and life, alongside a good but not too harsh measure of debt reduction.

    You have some new reponders lately on your diary and all are picking up the same fundamentals. It must resonate how consistent the messages are and how much goodwill there is.

    You can do it @alt80 if you just cut yourself some flipping slack. 

  • alt80
    alt80 Posts: 4,637 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    I have been meaning to respond earlier than now. No news financially. I’ve been trying to get back on track with living a more healthy way of life to support my recovery. Had a couple of very difficult therapy sessions. I’ve been struggling to come to terms with a few things in recovery that are pretty fundamental. Not been able to speak to myself as I would a friend or forgive and move on for lack of a better way to describe it. It’s led to my mental health suffering no !!!!!! getting away from it when I’m !!!!!! crying my eyes out at a !!!!!! gym yoga session the moment I’m left with my own thoughts. Actually posted something on here about recovery on a different diary; I believe others struggling deserve support but can’t get there to believe the same goes for myself idk. This weekend, just spent time with my little family. We had a day watching films on Saturday through the awful weather. Can’t !!!!!! believe it’s August ha although those days aren’t too bad for me can just forget everything else exists apart from my wife, boy and dog. I’m so grateful to have them in my life still, they are my world. Wife still looking after me rather than me looking after her although I have forced myself to start driving myself everywhere I need to go now for work so I don’t place that burden on her anymore.

    @RelievedSheff Definitely not giving up the fight. 

    @crunchy_time ha if you read this diary you’ll know I listen to the Steven Bartlett podcast. Some are better than others. Rich life lad idk, some interesting things to say and I agree in principle regarding setting your own priorities - his was certainly travel. I genuinely can’t stand Ramsey he’s a preachy !!!!!! and tbh I can’t even stand his voice enough to know if what he’s got to say is actually decent or not. Lot of snake oil salesmen in the property world so tbh I don’t tend to have a lot of time for internet gurus generally. As for me, yes, my focus is on providing for my family which I don’t think I can do enough of to make up for them having me. !!!!!! up thinking, I know and one of the things I am trying to work with the pros on.

    @warby68 I 100% see where you’re coming from. It’s incredibly difficult for me to detach from why I’ve wound up with yet another round of credit card balances to pay off. However, you’re right about my forecasts and timelines. No real excuse other than I’m not mentally very well in myself and part of getting through that is as you say cutting myself some slack. I would advocate someone else should have planned enjoyment relative to their own circumstances whilst paying personal financial commitments factoring into their longer term goals else what’s the point. It’s the whole cutting myself some slack thing again. 

    @ThatKiss I think you did the right thing.
  • RelievedSheff
    RelievedSheff Posts: 12,690 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Sixth Anniversary Name Dropper Photogenic
    Good Morning Alt. Sounds like you had a good weekend with your family. The weather was truly awful on Saturday. We were not far from you and it was a thoroughly miserable weather day.

    Glad you realised you needed some help and have sought it. 
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