Moving on with things

poppy811

Brilliant post above, Hope you enjoy

lucielle

Hope you have a lovely time. 

L

alt80

Been busy this week as usual. Not going into details but last weekend my old friend I had to cut out of my life turned up to my home very much uninvited. Since then when I've had to stop work of an evening I've been really struggling. Trying to do the right things although finding it difficult to not just bury my head in work. Making a conscious decision not to and to keep spending the evenings with my family. I've not spent any money or anything else destructive so looking to be on track to make our target additional payment.

@enthusiasticsaver thank you. None of us can know what the future holds but I hope you are right about my family's future being brighter. I'd like to think 10 years from now I will look back and everything will have worked out to be ok personally and in business, I am much closer to giving my family greater security and most importantly we are all in good health or working towards it. We can only do our best and no one really knows if things will work out in the way we hope, all we can do is to keep working towards our goals and having a bit of belief that time will be kind. 

@annabanana82 well done on the weightloss, c.5st is absolutely brilliant. I'm sat here smiling, despite reading your post the other day and thanking it I'm still pleased for you. Love seeing people succeed. One of my staff lost a similar amount of weight over Covid and kept it off. Had a conversation along the lines of the type of thing you're explaining that you're experiencing. You are right about habits becoming routine over time although being conscious of elements of our mindset/ the way we are wired etc. The ways in which the brain works and can adapt is fascinating. I know that even grasping a basic understanding of what is known is way beyond my abilities but I read, and listen to the pros about it gain as much of an understanding that is within my abilities. 

@Iamouttheotherside Thank you. 100% re mothers day in the restaurant trade. We are doing the same as you - going out for lunch on Saturday.

We have lots of daffoldils and crocuses in our garden, my son would love to decorate our table so thanks for that. You are bringing some memories back haha, my parents didn't let us slack as kids. He'll love the idea of his own restaurant for the day - still likes cooking and baking, getting more independent in the kitchen too but still a battle to get him to tidy up lol. We're cooking roast lamb together Sunday. 

My boy is quite a good little speaker, he doesn't seem to get nervous either. It's me who doesn't deserve to have a child, not my wife, she's a brilliant mum- I'm confident he'll have lots to say. Probably have my wife and I in bits though we're both a !!!!!! embarrassment with things like this. 

I don't think either my father in law or mother in law will bring up the past.

@poppy811 / @lucielle thank you.

RelievedSheff

That is so out of order of your old friend just turning up like that.

Well done for not letting it get to you too much though and for sticking with your plan. It does just show how far you have come in the last 6 months or so.

I'm sure you will have a great weekend, all of you.

Iamouttheotherside

I am going to reword the tale of your friend turning up ...
"So a complete drug addict coke head, who doesn't have any real friends as he's been ditched by everyone, turns up at a guys house who is in recovery, he doesn't give a flying duck about his recovery he just wants someone to drugs with, its concerning the addict, that the one in recovery has blocked his number and cut him off and has been clean so far, that this man is getting better and getting his family back,he is worried now the only person he has to do drugs with is also turning against him, so he needs to go to his house and play on his fragility and hope he succumbs to the drugs again".  What an absolute ducking a55 hole he is!

But it will happen again, but each time you will get stronger, until one day you will notice how the drugs have destroyed him and then you will realise you have turned a corner and are over it, but as I said it will happen again you have to be ready.

You need to talk to your wife what you want her to do next time, she has to help you, even if its to open the door and tell him to duck off, you need to to be honest what him turning up did to you, not just tell the pros but tell her too, it will honestly help her understand it more.

With regards to your little boy, let him do a speech, that is one really good thing about private education the confidence it gives the children.

Stop with the pity party on you don't deserve to have a child, what you have to realise is that your wife is a brilliant mum because you work hard to give her the opportunity to be there, many women would love the chance to be at home with their children full time, your wife is because you enable her to be there.

I have to tell this story, one of the dads at school (I get on better with the dads), his wife was constantly moaning he was never there, always working  .. blah blah blah, so he plotted a story that he was going part time and she had to get a job and that way they could co parent and take "the pressure" off her, when in reality he had organised to do half days for a month as he was owed so much time off due to international travel.  So in those weeks his wife couldn't have coffee mornings, lunches out as they now had to "cut back" until she got a job, so when he was at home, he was making her look for a job, while he did school run etc... By the beginning of week 4, she "decided" it was better if he returned full time, and she remained the full time mum, she never moaned after that!

What I am saying is your wife will appreciate what you do, many women would love to be in her shoes with regards to being a full time mum, just as a result other sacrifices have to be made so don't knock yourself for being a working dad providing for his family.

alt80

Managed to have a nice weekend although have been working for some of it and only just put down work things this evening. Did have dinner with my family this evening; something I am trying to make a non-negotiable. In the midst of working through a plan that I should have a while ago, am down on staff numbers couple had to go and one left recently and tbh having to put right some things that haven't been great due to me not thinking straight. No five minute fixes and now seeing things from a different perspective with my head clear which is good in many ways although not easy. My addiction was ruining my life, those around me and not helping my business. I have a good team tbh without them I’m sure I would have properly financially !!!!!! it for myself.

Personal finance wise, spent a little more than first anticipated on Saturday but we are still on track to achieve an additional £3,500 off the card balances as we draw closer to the end of the month. April is planned as a quiet month again although May is likely going to be more costly. I still struggle with wanting to spend off plan from time to time. Did have a lot of problems with spending although I can look at it more rationally now and put a reminder process in place where I won’t buy anything on the day but put it into my phone as a reminder to review the coming day. Taken any spontaneity out which isn’t entirely a good thing but it does make me take a step back and think it through.

@RelievedSheff Thank you, definitely had a nice weekend, lots of good food and made the effort not to buy from the supermarket for once.

He's a !!!!!! big liability at the best of times. Ex-wife has had the police involved for years so not sure he's bothered about what's in and out of order.

@Iamouttheotherside ha you’re not far off the mark at all re my old friend. Both the pros and my wife are well aware of the situation.

 

He loved being the centre of attention cooking, giving a little speech, played the piano, sung and demonstrated some football skills. A lot of that unplanned couldn’t get him to stop, tbh not sure he quite grasped the day was for his mum rather than for him to show off a bit. Couldn’t accept being my assistant cooking had to tell them I ‘just helped a bit’, kids lol. We’ve no complaints about his school at all, they are brilliant with him, he’s got a really good group of friends and takes part in quite a few activities. Know a few people on here have said looking towards activities out of school for him but they provide everything.

 

Me thinking I don’t deserve to have a child isn’t to do with working a lot. My son has grown up with me struggling with addiction through no fault or choice of his own. Trying to work through it with the pros but it’s not coming easily for me. That’s why I don’t think I deserve to have a child I know I need to get to a point where I think differently. My wife wanted to marry someone who would take care of providing a lifestyle and it’s the reason our marriage has survived. If I did what one of the school dad’s did she’d tell me to !!!!!!. We had a very difficult conversion when I was under the full time care of the pros and my wife told me she wouldn’t be there had I lost my business/ things were worse financially. I knew and I still know; she wouldn’t follow me to Greece to live in two rooms. I know it’s dumb to base self worth around providing a lifestyle/ profit/ earnings/ money/ things but I haven’t been able to move beyond that. About the only thing I am somewhat pleased with about myself is being able to provide something of a lifestyle that is beyond the basics even if it is less than she may have had she found someone else.

RelievedSheff

Good Morning Alt.

It sounds like you had a great weekend.

We are struggling with staff numbers at the minute. Can't seem to find anyone suitable to fill the gaps. We are currently working 3 down which is doing no one any favours. We have taken on new staff but had to let them go as they are just not suitable.

alt80

Slightly less busy day today, plan together for the rest of the week along with planned family time. Shouldn't be an expensive week either. Earlier night too, heading to bed. Been listening to the why we sleep man on Steven Bartlett's podcast. Actually have the book and read it whilst definitely not sleeping fml. 

@RelievedSheff thanks, it was a nice weekend. Lunch out this Sunday, quite looking forward to that, just the three of us.

You and me both re staff, we did have someone for a little while but wasn't the right fit either. Do have two recent early career although I like to bring in at early career stage and develop them which has always worked well for us it is a long slog but usually worth it. Harder to change some elements of the work culture when a lot are long term recruits but getting there slowly. Assume the business you work for is similar in aiming for long term retention of staff given how long you've been there or are you the exception?

Love moving the business forward, working to get to that next step without getting paranoid about how much or not I'm 'needed' or instrumental to the day to day operations. Ultimate goal is to actually be neither needed or instrumental, it being profit generating with less effort - I can't do what I'm doing now in 40 years time if I'm even still around ha. Get rich slow plan lol.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Slightly less busy day today, plan together for the rest of the week along with planned family time. Shouldn't be an expensive week either. Earlier night too, heading to bed. Been listening to the why we sleep man on Steven Bartlett's podcast. Actually have the book and read it whilst definitely not sleeping fml. 

@RelievedSheff thanks, it was a nice weekend. Lunch out this Sunday, quite looking forward to that, just the three of us.

You and me both re staff, we did have someone for a little while but wasn't the right fit either. Do have two recent early career although I like to bring in at early career stage and develop them which has always worked well for us it is a long slog but usually worth it. Harder to change some elements of the work culture when a lot are long term recruits but getting there slowly. Assume the business you work for is similar in aiming for long term retention of staff given how long you've been there or are you the exception?

Love moving the business forward, working to get to that next step without getting paranoid about how much or not I'm 'needed' or instrumental to the day to day operations. Ultimate goal is to actually be neither needed or instrumental, it being profit generating with less effort - I can't do what I'm doing now in 40 years time if I'm even still around ha. Get rich slow plan lol.

We have a lot of staff that have been here a long time. Some 40+ years. 

The trouble is that a lot of them will be coming up for retirement at a similar time.

Staff retention amongst the younger staff isn't great. 

alt80

Not had the best day today but have got through, got on with what needed to be done. Going to try not to do any work this evening. Over the next week or so we're going to have a look at planning the rest of our holidays / weekends away for the rest of this year. 

@RelievedSheff my industry as a whole has a similar problem re a lot of people coming up for retirement. I've been fortunate to have a mix of ages / experience within the business; it's the way I planned, wanted it and something I'm actually quite proud of building. Are you involved in recruitment?