Moving on with things

alt80

Finding the news is getting to me again. I know I am reading too much into things, obsessing about the future economic and political landscape.

 

@Elisheba thank you. Lot of the work I am doing with the therapy is about reframing my thoughts. Some things are easier than others. I know I am in a fortunate position in life and am grateful for that. Unfortunately, my mind tricks me a lot - I haven’t had this miraculous amazing experience of recovery some seem to have. Idk I only have my own experiences but turning back to it is a non-negotiable.

 

@Iamouttheotherside It’s good to hear your husband has a good relationship with his first born now. He’s strong to have come out the other side of all that, a lot don’t. I’m really not sure I would have, one of the main things that helps keep me off it is a list I wrote of everything I stood to lose. I feel lucky to have my little family intact although I wish I hadn’t put them through what I have, all I can concentrate on now is building a future with them. Can relate to being grateful for someone else stepping in though – my FIL has been brilliant with my little boy obviously not the same but I’m thankful for him giving my boy time outside of school when I couldn’t. His school are brilliant also, been a real support.

The bad days can still be quite bad, relate to the paranoia unfortunately. I also struggle with things that can’t be entirely abstained from. Last night I was reading articles and throwing all their findings into a spreadsheet to work out how their findings and predictions sit against the data I have from my business. Possibly doesn’t sound too odd but I didn’t want to stop – that kind of thing would have kept me up using for days and nights on end previously. Idk how much those things will right themselves with time or if they even will. It’s taken its toll on me mentally and physically. Fortunately, had enough therapy to be able to listen to my wife telling me I needed to stop it and come to bed. This morning woken up better than I would have done had I stayed up all night so calling that a win.

I have control over my spending now realise it was massively affected by my addiction. For years I thought my appetite for spending was a lot worse than being a cocaine addict, really is the only sort of conclusion a cokehead could come to.

Sounds like things are really good for you two. Well deserved after what sounds like many years of hard work. Have you always had plans to retire or is it a recent thing? I find the idea of it terrifying personally but been going through this with my parents recently; nothing like that to realise it’ll happen to me eventually. They are well into their 70s so I’m helping them to reposition their business into one that is staff managed. Quite good to get involved in a different industry and country, it’s interesting. They do have a different approach to life over there but ultimately people are people. It’s going well so far, they still have an income and are starting to be able to enjoy life outside of work so we are getting there.

RelievedSheff

If you find that the news is bothering you. Just don't look at it or turn it off.

It is great that you are helping your parents restructure so that they get to enjoy more time off work. Perhaps once you have helped them you could turn some of the advice around onto your business and enjoy some time off yourself with your family?

MatyMoo

My ex was very good at spending money on me………… All I ever wanted was to spend time with him but work always came first 🤷‍♀️ 

A day out for my birthday would have been the perfect gift 😉

alt80

Not had a bad weekend, just spent it at home but I've managed to cook a nice roast chicken lunch today, got to the gym, my son has started playing tennis and out for a couple of nice walks with the dog. No work done yesterday and just a little today. Good start to the month. Glad I've faced the gym - have a new benchmark to start working from, I have lost a lot of strength and was struggling with getting back to it. 

@RelievedSheff I know you're right. I haven't looked at it at all this weekend and do feel a lot better than I have done in a while - switched off from the world. 

Regarding my parents they are getting older and were struggling. They have been one of the very few people to support me over the past months, helping them is important to me. As for my business, I have a weekend like this and I do start to think it could be good for me, although I am very conflicted - idk why these days I really struggle with burnout, can't put in what I used to without making myself very ill but on the other hand the idea of no longer progressing and possibly not earning a great deal more than now terrifies me. I still want to be able to give my family more than I can rn. 

@MatyMoo She always enjoys our days out as a family and I can do that. Just want to be able to give her a nice gift as well, that's all.

MatyMoo

Honestly, if it were me, the gift isn’t necessary- the best gift ever is your time & attention 😉

RelievedSheff

MatyMoo said:

Honestly, if it were me, the gift isn’t necessary- the best gift ever is your time & attention 😉

Fully agree.

No one ever remembers the amount of money spent. They remember the happy memories made, they don't have to cost the earth.

Elisheba

Congrats on a positive weekend @alt80. Take the wins where you can.
I know you said you were attending therapy, so probably something to explore there - about why you feel so driven to do more, more, more and base your self esteem around it. 

SusieT

You have made a good start to the month, keep going with this sort of weekend as it is obvious that your body is telling you that it is very much needed. As to getting your wife a gift, if you do make it something small and thoughtful rather than expensive. One of the best gifts I was given many years ago, was a stone picked up off the beach, I still have it now, it meant so much more to me than them spending thousands of £ on something. It sounds as if you are still thinking that money can "repay" your family for your past, but in reality time is so much more valued. 
You are really hammering away at the debt, and hopefully you will be feeling better with yourself as it reduces, and once it goes you may be able to be happier with yourself. 

alt80

@MatyMoo / @RelievedSheff I'd wanted a Cartier tank as a change from my daily wear sub for years, had just never pulled the trigger. My wife bought me one for my birthday last year (completely unbeknownst to me) I want to buy something nice for her at least to the value of that. She keeps telling me it's not important and she doesn't want anything. First for her and I appreciate her trying not to put any pressure on me but it doesn't change the fact she deserves a nice gift although I know it's not exactly great for me to be putting back our plans to have the balances cleared. 

@Elisheba thank you I am trying to take wins where I can. Yes, I am still having therapy. I try to do all the things recommended although not always as well as I'd like and have had some horribly difficult conversations but it doesn't change me basing my self esteem around the things I do that I know aren't the healthiest. I know that how successful or not my business is shouldn't equate to my self worth but it does and always has. Can only try telling yourself for so long not it doesn't matter if it does to you. For a lot of years I spent a lot of money on cars, these days I avoid driving as much as I possibly can realised I don't care about that. Don't get me wrong I still have nice cars by most standards and wouldn't be happy to have something worse but nothing doing but a supercharged Range Rover just doesn't matter to me now. In fact, I'm glad it's gone. My point is I'm ok with it because it's not something that matters to me anymore but wanting to give my family a better life and have greater success in business does matter to me. Now I don't buy things for myself wherever possible so it's not about my ego.

alt80

@SusieT thank you, I do need to try to have the quiet weekends I can't go at the work like I used to, !!!!!! it for myself. Tbf it's been a nice one. 

I know no amount of money will ever be able to repay my family for standing by me. I will never be good enough for them no matter what I can give them just how it is. 

On a more positive note we have an ambitious but possible goal of going into 2024 with no outstanding balances