Moving on with things

lucielle

Sounds like you’ve had a great weekend. Hopefully all those steps will help with your sleep. 

L

MissPennySave

I just wanted to say that your diary is so inspiring! You are doing brilliantly! I've been having a bit of a lull this month but seeing your posts has really spurred me on. So thank you.x

warby68

Its great to check back in here and read how well you're doing @alt80

There's such a difference now in your posts. Both of you putting the work in has been transformational as has dropping the deadweight people from your past. You will build a wider life eventually. Think of yourselves as new to the area and do a bit of joining, volunteering, school or club stuff when you're ready.

FWIW I don't think the stoozing type plan you mentioned would be right for you just now. Shedding your cc debt will feel like shedding your past and I wouldn't underestimate the benefit of that rather than keeping it hanging around.

alt80

Been ridiculously busy with work - lot of things I needed to do plus max amount of staff I allow off at once are on holiday for half term with the kids. Sometimes my son's school holidays fall at different times to our local state schools but not been the case this time. Unfortunately had no time to spend with family at all but do plan to just work Friday morning and take them for lunch and go for a long walk in the afternoon.

We are looking at this month being a very low spend month if we carry on like this, it'll be a really good additional amount off the cards. We both feel a bit closer to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel I suppose and would really like to make the push to get it gone by the end of this year. If it doesn't happen not the end of my world but it would be great if we make it. 

@Sun_Addict It's a lovely part of the country, I would really like to hire a boat for a week or so and sail the Norfolk broads. 

On the other point, thank you. I am aiming for a calmer, less stressful and more healthy lifestyle.

@RelievedSheff A big thank you for suggesting it, we had a great time.

It'll be a lot warmer in July than now! I assume you're taking the van?

Switched the phones off whilst we were there, both my wife and I are working on enjoying experiences in the present without the distraction of technology. 

alt80

@lucielle thank you. Sleep has been slightly better recently ups and downs but not so bad I'm completely whacked. Still drinking the tea and also listen to an audiobook on the sleep timer.

@MissPennySave thank you! Sorry to hear you haven't had a great month so far and I hope things pick up for you. I would like to think that a life without excessive spending doesn't have to be awful tbh I was in a much worse place when I was spending to excess.

@warby68 thank you. I hope you and family are all well?
We put the work in everyday to better our marriage, family and financial position both personally and in business. I am glad I have pushed others out of my life, I've just moved on and sometimes it's still painful but not as painful as it would have been staying as I was. Until very recently I've felt really !!!!!! guilty for 'dropping the deadweight' but in the past few days or so I know it was right for me and for my family and came to the conclusion I'm not sorry or guilty for it. 

You are probably right about building a wider life although rn I just haven't got the energy for it. We keep thinking about moving, only going to be for the right house. I haven't seen that yet and taking a chilled approach to it. Can't move far with my business realistically but with how things have changed and once we've paid this final lot off I will be finally in a position to be able to afford a £6-700k mortgage and with the equity we have in our current home, we could potentially buy a really special family home idk might not happen and I'm not going to !!!!!! myself for it either. 

Regarding getting rid of the card debt, that's exactly the conclusion I came to I couldn't do it because I need to move on mentally from why I have perpetually owed large sums of money personally for being an addict / stupid stuff / decisions / actions. 

katsu

@alt80 you've made the right decision as I promise you the peace of mind I had in covid when we had income reduction etc was massive as we had no consumer debt (we'd cleared the house too but I recognise you've a maybe plan for the "big house").  Letting go of carrying debt and not trying to juggle it is worth so much as we've changed how we think. We don't do routine borrowing.  

I'm sure that when you've cleared the debt it will help get rid of reminders of the past and all you'll see is what you and your wife have achieved. 

You are doing so very well so have a random high five to you and Mrs Alt80 from a random stranger! 

Iamouttheotherside

@alt80
Well done on the keeping up with everything, both you and your wife, great teamwork!  
Highly recommend hiring a boat on the Norfolk broads, we did it for a long weekend "to switch off" was one of the most relaxing times ever.

On another note, I just want to add my pennys worth in as a voice of experience! I know you want to buy a bigger house, but I want you to also consider the expense of your son moving up in private school.  I am not sure what year he is in? I am suspecting year 5/6? But as a parent of 2 who has put them through private education (not until year 4, when finances improved), I can tell you that from year 7 onwards and in particular year 9 onwards, costs dramatically increase.

Year 9 costs are double what my youngest was paying in year 6, along with all the different sports kits you need (as they grow so much, this tends to be termly too! - cricket, rugby, hockey, swimming, football!  

Also the trips become more adventurous = more money.  I will give you a few examples that we have paid - The proverbial "team building" trip as soon as the new academic year starts - every year - £700,  Dubai (sports) - £3000, Iceland (Geography) - £900, MFL trips - Spain, Germany, France (circa £6-700 per trip every year!).  Lisbon football trip. - £1200, Real Madrid football trip - £1300.  Uk surf trips - £600. Uk football trip - £600 Uk Netball trip - £800 New York (business) - £2600.  So many other UK trips that were "compulsory as part of the curriculum too, I have lost count!  That is also with 2 years missing with Covid!!  I had that with 2 kids too, each had at least 6  trips per year including the compulsory curriculum ones.

Also don't forget the extra music lessons (which is actively encouraged from year 7).  Extra tutoring if falling behind in any subject.  I am currently paying £80 an hour for a tutor for a subject my son is falling behind on, (South East)

Also don't forget the ECAs that are provided by outsiders that cost extra - Sailing, Golf, Cricket, Parkour, Karate, LAMDA.  

Also not forgetting the clothes become more "designer", my kids went from Shoe zone, to Nike Air, to now Jordans at nearly £200 a pair!

The kids also when they get together don't hang around parks so much, more like a meal in a restaurant or as my case is a trip to London for a meal, be prepared for that, and to be chauffeur or pay for taxis.

I understand you wanting to move and make a fresh start, but just also consider your future expenses, I can honestly say what you are paying in year 6, will triple by year 9 with all the other costs and if Labour wins the next election add another 20% onto that with VAT costs, as I think it will be one of the first things they do.

You have worked so hard, you don't need that pressure again so just be careful and realistic.

getmore4less

Had a major cutback on MSE time for ages can't even remember when I moved on from the old diary.

Just this morning I was thinking wonder if Alt80 ever came back so popped in to have a look and found this.

Might find the time to read through the 200 odd posts  but from the last few seems things have moved on a lot, for the better.

RelievedSheff

Hope everything is ok Alt?

Not heard from you for a little while.

alt80

Coming up to the end of the month, had a quick review of our personal spending this month which is far less than anticipated. Apart from Friday lunch last week we didn't go out and not sure how I managed that. Thursday afternoon I started feeling unwell and the weekend was an absolute write off, another wake up call I need to start managing stress better. I can't really do what I used to, when I try to I just make myself ill. Very glad I have all my staff back this week. Consciously eating more healthy, not drinking and getting my steps into the 10k region. Anyway I'm taking the positive that whilst we were home this weekend we spent plenty of time together as a family, got out on Friday at least and have spent very little. 

@katsu thank you. I think your approach is good and tbh I can only really imagine the peace of mind you have. 

@Iamouttheotherside thank you - a relaxing break is just what I need. I love the idea of the boating holiday, nice to hear you tried it and enjoyed it - do you think a week would be too long? We have a few weeks marked as 'holidays' with nothing yet planned. 

Regarding school thank you for your insight. He's currently in Year 4, one of the older kids in the year being born 2nd November. It's already expensive enough ha but I am aware it'll get more so and I can't say I'm looking forward to a potential additional 20% if Labour get in, like you I think it'll be something they likely will move quickly on. 

Tbh I'm not in any rush to move house but not ruling it out. I luckily live in a nice place that we made ours with all the space we will ever need. If we move I wouldn't stay in this part of the city, it's a nice place still but if I'm going it's to move on and apart from here there's only one part of the city I'd move to and a few semi-rural locations I'd consider. Very conflicted about moving somewhere quieter, on one hand it would be nice but on the other it wouldn't. In all likelihood if it happens I'll probably go for something requiring significant work to make our own or potentially a plot of land. Not really interested in buying something where someone else has already added value to, a build is equally appealing and off putting as I generally much prefer period property.

@getmore4less Thanks mate. Hope you're well? Tbh you're the reason my son likes his rugby. He enjoys watching the six nations every year. 

@RelievedSheff thank you, I was really struggling end of last week and weekend. Stepped away from computers / phones etc all together Saturday / Sunday.