Moving on with things

Iamouttheotherside

@alt80
Did mean to respond last week, but got so busy, before I knew it, it was 4pm Friday and the computer was off.

Lovely to hear you had a great mothers day, your boy sounds like a little showman, you and your wife must have been very proud looking at his confidence.

I am with the others, it is a depressing time at the moment, I looked back on photos on my iPhone by searching the same dates, it was glorious this time last year, my garden looked beautiful whereas at present it looks like a swamp, a few years before that we hosted a bbq and garden party and all the kids were in the hot tub at the end of March!  So it doesn't help when it just seems so bloody gloomy every time you open the curtains in the morning.

Just remember everyone has ups and downs, before you had ups and then when you had a down, you gave yourself a chemical boost to take you up, all be it temporarily, and then obviously had an almighty down.   Stick on the right path you are getting there.

I do think you need to book a little break over easter or if that isn't possible the coronation weekend, for a change of scenery, whether that is a city break for all 3 of you, Barcelona is great city break for families, as it has a beach, port and city, or just a holiday airbnb somewhere different in the UK.  Don't feel guilty about spending money for all of you to get away it will do you all good.  We are going away, just in a lodge in a holiday park, we will pack for all seasons ready for watching the sunset on the beach,  but I know it will do us all good.  Mental health is very important too, it's good to have something to look forward to.

Also just wanted to highlight this thread to you -

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6435330/asset-rich-cash-poor-me-vs-130k-debt-mountain

I like the way on this forum, everyone shares their experience and advice, I think you could help this man, he has debt but his wife has addiction and spends like crazy when in the throws of addiction, I think you could help with some good advice for both sides of the coin.

Have a good week and take care.

RelievedSheff

I fully agree with the above post that it is important to have something to look forward too.

It is how we keep ourselves in a healthy frame of mind, that and getting out and about in the fresh air.

alt80

Meant to respond to this last night but spent far too long making my mind up whether or not to post something on another thread on here and it was getting late so went to bed. Trying to keep up a half decent routine – keep on with the sleep training. I’m not joking, I’m doing sleep CBT to try to get into a better place with it. It’s not perfect but is better and I’ll take that. Still drinking the sleep tea too.

 

Spent Sunday with my family, just having a quiet day and trying not to get wound up over things. Didn’t do any work, had a fairly nice lunch out, decent walk etc. Healthy mindset = healthier attitude to spending. We have cleared another additional £3,500 this month off the cards. Balances sitting at just over £38k now. It’s going to be ambitious to clear them by the end of the year and tbh that’s one of the things really tripping me off about booking some of these holidays / weekends away. Wife said does it really matter that much to me that the balances are gone by the end of the year. It’s something I’m having a think about over the next few days – if we spend as planned on additional holidays / weekends away and a few other things in our ‘wants’ list, I won’t reach my ambitious target unless I take an additional dividend or we sell something. The holidays / weekends away would likely put the target back to end of February 2024 without that.

 

@FootyFanDan thanks mate. It’s good to hear from you. I’m struggling to switch off much at all rn and it’s not very good for me. Absolutely re my end goal and spending time with my little family means the world to me. That they are still here with me I’m very grateful for that. Hope you and yours are all good, settling into your new home and on track? You have also made amazing progress.

 

@warby68 thank you. 100% re my brain adjusting, the received wisdom seems to be about 18 months for things to get as good as they are going to but equally we’re all shaped by life’s experiences. Neuroplasticity is fascinating so really we are all growing all of the time whether that be in a more positive or a more negative way. Idk what the future holds but neither does anyone else; can just give it your best shot eh?

 

@MatyMoo Ha had to smile re the dog. I’m having a think about it over the next few days and I suppose I’m trying to come to what I can accept as an acceptable compromise between the additional spends / debt timescale and/or taking additional dividends.

 

@Iamouttheotherside You and me both, good to hear you’re busy too although shutting the computer down at 4pm on a Friday you some sort of part timer lol. Seriously, in the long term I think I need to be switching mine off at that sort of time most Fridays and heading home for the weekend and not working through Saturday or Sunday as well. Had to talk about it with the pros – work takes my mind off things, sometimes the only time I feel ok. You know what it’s like when you’ve got your own business - there’s always something you can find to do but can be destructive/ compulsive for me.

My wife had a lovely Mother’s Day. I find occasions like that easier rn – no real pressure to spend large sums / make grand gestures. Her birthday is not far away and tbh it makes me sick just thinking about not being able to give her something special. We are both very proud of our son, he is becoming a bit of a showman. Managed to persuade him to practice his music by offering him a ‘concert slot’ once a week haha. Does rugby, football and tennis too tbf I did a lot of sports as a kid and so did wife but these days idk where that energy ever was ha. He’s growing up now, over this weekend he told me he didn’t need me to read him a story, that was !!!!!! heartbreaking I told him that maybe whilst he didn’t need me to maybe we could read together, he agreed to that and we’ve managed to agree to alternate evenings of storytime and reading together but it won’t be forever. I need it a lot more than he does I know that, not ashamed to admit it. I can’t keep on wishing if I’d have known what I know now when he was born how much better a dad I would have been, it just breaks me down and that just !!!!!! with my head.

 

Ha don’t get me started on the weather, it’s 100% !!!!!! miserable and freezing. Here’s hoping it gets a bit better over easter and we get something of a summer. With your talk of gardens, that’s one of my jobs over Easter.

 

I definitely want to stay on this path – don’t want any going back this time, come too far, marriage in a good place, better for my boy, wife, staff, everyone really. This time next year I’m not going to have any credit card balances that’s surreal.

 

I know you’re right about mental health and tbh I think you and my wife are right about us needing a few more breaks. I’m sure you’ll tell me to stop being a !!!!!! and take a dividend ha. Wife wants me away from work a bit more than I am rn she can see I bury myself in it to try to stave the thoughts off a lot of the time.

 

That was the thread I was responding too last night.

 

@RelievedSheff from where I’m sat you’re like the !!!!!! PM of healthy frame of mind lol. Don’t mean that in a disrespectful way either.

MatyMoo

So you could have the breaks you planned and either delay your debt free day by a couple of months or take an extra dividend out the business and still make your end of year deadline???

Honestly it a no brainer! 

Every one needs down time so that they can go back to work refreshed and give the best of them selves (it stops you burning out!), you also get to build memories with your son.

When you think how long you have been in debt what is another couple of months??

Book the time away!!!

alt80

@MatyMoo Yes, re debt free date or keeping that and paying out an additional dividend. I'm trying to invest as much as possible.

strawb_shortcake

Hi Alt, 

If you have the means and the time book the holiday, they don't have to be luxurious or expensive. Build those memories, those are priceless and last a life time. My eldest is 19, at uni now, what I'd do for a day with my children small again 

The Eurostar have some good offers, we went to Bruges for our first trip abroad with the children and its a great city, very safe and full of architecture and history, and its a nice little adventure too.

RelievedSheff

Have the extra breaks and time away and put your debt free date back a couple of months.

Enjoy the time with your family. Make memories that you will all remember together for a lifetime.

alt80

@annabanana82 / @RelievedSheff I have to make time for things and sometimes get too wrapped up in my business rather than putting my family first. I know what you mean about the memories and can't get time back. Can't dwell on that because of my regrets tbh but you are both right I need to make the most of now. My parents are constantly trying to suggest places to go on holiday, can hear them now going on about if they were in my position the places they would have taken my sister and I to ha.

alt80

You've had me looking at taking my family on a break to Bruges and Barcelona this evening, also been looking at Vienna too. Its taken my mind off business for the evening. Think our next short break will be UK based; just a long weekend somewhere relaxing. I'm still struggling with feeling totally whacked quite a lot of the time, I like the spa stays more than she does ha. They'd both love visiting those cities though. Idk possibly something in making time and setting aside money rn all I think about is my business and building a financially secure future for my family, restricting my lifestyle because my head tells me I don't deserve to enjoy the rewards. Hate the idea of my wife and son missing out though and they tell me they want me there too. Again writing things down on here made me think that little bit, thanks just need to actually work out the details and get my credit card out now ha.

enthusiasticsaver

I loved Barcelona. Not yet been to Vienna but it is on my list. Your debt is on 0% on the cards isn’t it? If so I would treat yourself, your wife and son  to a break whether in UK or a city break. We are doing CPs with the family again in May.