Moving on with things

alt80

How long did you stay in Barcelona for?

Just secured a 0% £0 fee BT deal so card balances are 0% for the duration of the payoff 100%. Would have been going down the director's loan route otherwise; I pay and have paid enough interest to banks. Can't !!!!!! wait for them to start paying me some next year, get the reserves built and send it to work.

Meant to ask you last time you posted here is your hubby ok now?

enthusiasticsaver

Good news on the 0% deal until the cards are paid off. We actually spent 5 days in Barcelona so slightly longer than a long weekend. Loads to see and do. Fantastic football stadium if your son is into that, wonderful Gaudi architecture and the history is so interesting. Nice beaches too. 

Hubby is fine now thanks. Well recovered from his open heart surgery 18 months ago. 

lashie

Long time lurker on your diary (and all your previous ones) Alt, have wanted to chip in many times over the years but you always seems to have such great support I never felt I had anything to add. 

Another vote for Bruges, 100% worth a visit. We stayed 3 nights which is plenty and we drove from the Euro tunnel as we live in south east and it is only a very easy drive from Calais. We found a nice hotel with a reasonable priced car park next door. Your son will love the amazing chocolate shops, it’s easy to walk round and a very relaxing break. Nice restaurants (can recommend a steak place if required).

Life is to short, books some holidays in! We can travel again, you are young (we are the same age 😊) enjoy those precious memories. My husband and I have travelled extensively in the last 20 years and have never regretted a single trip and all the memories and laughs. Go for it. You have earned it.

On a final note I will say I think you have done amazing with your rehab, I truly do. You deserve all the happiness being clean brings.  People are not always strong enough to beat addiction (my brother was an alcoholic and sadly never loved anyone or anything more than a drink ♥️) but you are coming through the other side. Keep at it, for your family but mainly for you 😃

Elisheba

Just chipping in with my tuppence worth.  I remember reading the end of your last diary when you relapsed again, and recall one of the excuses you gave was that you had been living like a saint and it was no way to live.  And in that at least you were totally correct.  You were going to an extreme, and then couldn't sustain it. What you need to be building here is a sustainable way to live, not a short term extreme solution to a cash flow problem.  So take some breaks, factor in some nice things.  Plan them in to your expenses.  That's not you relapsing.  That's you being sensible and creating a good balance.  

Iamouttheotherside

@alto80. Good to hear your looking at planning a break, it will do you all good and yes you're right I would advise to take a 5 grand dividend, I would book Barcelona, I have been to Vienna very nice place, so clean you could eat a meal off the pavements but not really much for your boy there, its going to sound strange but the place was so perfect and clean it felt very "stepford housewife" city,  also quite expensive when you're out there.  With the remainder of the 5 grand split it between you and your wife and each of you book a surprise weekend - organise which dates are suitable, strict budget, a little competition on who gets the best deal!  It will be nice surprise for each of you.

Honestly 4pm on Friday is a late finish for me, its usually around 2pm, what we do is very specialist so to be honest if its not sorted by then it won't get done till Monday anyway.   I would love to say the rest of the week is easy but to get that early finish, it means a lot of early starts Monday - Thursday, sometimes 4am and also some late nights working after dinner with the family, but its all worth it for "Family Friday", we get the kids and then go out for dinner somewhere, its been our routine for over a decade now, its a good wind down for all of us, its like a mental close down ready for the weekend.  Then hubby and I usually go out to the pub, cinema or sometimes, even just share a bottle of vino at home and have a good catch up and cheeky date escape.  But we have a strict no work policy until 6am Monday when our office reopens, it works and we have never had a situation that would have been better dealt with over the weekend, now a days its very easy for people to email when anything comes up when realistically it can wait, its not a life or death situation.

Have a good weekend

katsu

@alt80 congrats to you for offering help over on the thread of the man with the big debt and wife with the alcohol problem. 

I hope you can see how far you've come in yourself and how young been able to offer much good advice. 

I think the guy and his wife have a way to go before they are ready to make some of the changes that can help them most - you recognise that state, your have been there. Thankfully now you and your wife are 100 watt bulbs, you've really got it going on to get DF.

Mr Katsu and I talk about you and your journey quite a bit and I'm sure there are many of us readers who only make occasional posts but really do want to cheer you on. Its not easy but my goodness you've come so far! 

alt80

Not had the best few days. I’m very conflicted about going away, still struggle with the build up to leaving home for a few days / weeks. Idk I wonder if I’m always going to be haunted by it and whether spending that evening looking to plan the holiday tripped me off. That night I had a lot of trouble sleeping, the demons getting into my dreams etc. Thursday / Friday and today I’ve got up in the morning, worked, and got into bed - sleep not forthcoming though hence being on here ha. No money spent at least. Trying to make light of it but I know I need to fight this.

 

@enthusiasticsaver thanks, definitely glad I’m getting towards the end of juggling card balances. I’m not saying I won’t use 0% again – it has its uses.

 

Son would love the football tbf we all would. I have something of a basic interest in history / architecture and wife loves a good beach ha.

 

It’s great to hear he is doing well, really pleased for both of you and hope you’re making the most of the time retirement offers now we are the other side of Covid

 

@lashie thank you. Chocolate, good restaurants and relaxing sounds very nice. I do understand life is short and when I do things like the past few days  – running away really just in a slightly more healthy way than I used to, I’m frustrated with myself. I suppose working is my ‘safety’, get stuck in enough I don’t have to face some of the thoughts in my head. 

 

I’m so sorry to hear about your brother, I know far too well how horrible addiction is and how much it can take. My biggest motivators to stay in recovery are the potential of losing my family and my business, having learned about what it does to you especially to the brain when I have my family and still hope I’ve years of growth in business. Have plenty of other reasons / motivators to stay in recovery. I have a lot of trouble with what you say about 1 acknowledging having done well to get this far and deserving of happiness and 2 being mainly for me rather than for my family which relates to 1. My thoughts when you say life is too short / I’ve earned it / deserve happiness are that I don’t, it’s !!!!!! horrible to battle with. The pros are trying to help me to build self worth but that’s proving the biggest challenge. Sorry that’s a bit miserable.

 

@Elisheba I told the world and my wife I was clean for months despite relapsing on the non-social side before I relapsed on the social side. I was and still am ashamed to say I let it get into my everyday life for far too many years, am only just at the point where I can admit it to myself and face up to the problems it’s caused or contributed towards. Last year I completely took myself away from anyone who wasn’t supportive of my recovery, it has definitely help to stop me slipping in moments of weakness.

 

I want my family to have that balance you talk of, some time to explore the world and some nice things to enjoy / look forward to. It means a lot to me to try to put them into a position to attain those things and eventually to know they could sustain current levels of income at least if something happened to me. This is what I try to live for these days.

 

@Iamouttheotherside My wife would love me to finish work early every Friday and have the family Friday like you do. She’d love the holidays and best value competition too ha. Competitive in her own way when she wants to be lol. She is keen on Vienna because of the musical connections; she has quite eclectic music tastes including liking classical music/ opera but from what you say probably somewhere to visit as an old couple rather than as a family.

 

Hope you realise I was only playing re your working hours and you didn’t need to explain anything to me. 100% know what you mean about email, whilst I do work weekends / nights I schedule emails to staff, they work to live and them getting a good balance of work and life is important to them and to me as an employer. Try to never lose perspective of what staff provide and strive to be a good place to work for, always have. I’m sure you get where I’m coming from.

 

@katsu Thank you. Unfortunately, I think you’re right about that couple. I have been praying for them, no one deserves to live as they are rn and I’m not just talking about the finances.

 

I’m still thankful for you sending me the lend with care link too. We contributed to one of the carbon reduction grants this month too - for anyone interested but not wanting to read too much about it they provide groups of women in India and Rwanda with biomass stoves replacing traditional mud stoves to cook with. The biomass stoves whilst reducing carbon emissions are also more efficient in terms of time the women spend gathering firewood etc. People are probably going to tell me it’s doing it for the wrong reasons/ selfish but as well as it educating my son about how some parts of the world still live I get some personal comfort from playing a (small) part in providing some much needed funds for the small business ventures. I'd rather he find healthy coping mechanisms like playing a small part in helping others to give him a bit of a boost rather than turning to potentially unhealthy coping mechanisms when he is older. 

alt80

Poor night's sleep last night but had a nice family day today, sun out, old car got a run, load of work done in the garden, nice roast out for lunch. Total spend of just under £60. Finally feel like spring has made an appearance even though it has been cold. Discussed a potential break / holiday too. I think writing what I did last night helped kick my brain into gear a bit ha - yesterday got up and worked all day for no real reason other than trying to take my mind off the thoughts I was having. Not great. Glad I haven't spoilt today with family by choosing to work when not needed. Looked at a few places to go abroad with my family, wife and son seem excited to go somewhere different. We are in Greece in May and October and will be taking our usual trip to centre parcs with the in-laws first week son is off school. Fortunately, they are just taking us again this year and wife's siblings going another time with them. The siblings are not supportive in the slightest. Wife has an invite to a housewarming party one of them is hosting this month, they've already made snide comments about why they don't want me there idk. 

RelievedSheff

View the family as a work in progress. They will come round eventually when they see all of the hard work that you are all putting into making this relationship a happy and healthy one. It will just take time.

A break away just the three of you sounds nice.

Have you decided on anywhere in particular?

enthusiasticsaver

I think it might be nice to go somewhere just the three of you. Family holidays are nice but a whole different dynamic to when you go with family so whilst I am sure you will have a nice time at CP with in-laws (we are there with all the family again this year) and in Greece with your parents try and have maybe a long weekend just you, your wife and son.