Moving on with things

lashie

So pleased you have booked some breaks away - a big step for you. Well done! 

FootyFanDan

What a fantastic update to read mate, I am so happy that you have some breaks away already booked. I know you are so dedicated to work but hopefully you are slowly seeing how much more benefit both you and your family get when you can strike that balance. This is a huge step forward

warby68

Absolutely brilliant @alt80

I truly believe that learning to live well is as important for you as debt reduction is, if not more important right now.

alt80

Been trying to write this since yesterday bit different from the old days typing in my office fml. 

Had a much more difficult weekend than over the Easter break tbh my in-laws tripped me off Friday night when we went out for dinner. Can see it’s not worth risking falling out with my wife, my recovery or my personal finances for that matter, still spent my weekend struggling to even get out of bed. Last week I only went into the office for three days, I was struggling a bit with the weekend coming so quickly before the dinner out with the in-laws so that wasn’t helping either. Glad I’m back to a normal week now, managed to take my mind off things a bit the past two days. At least the weather is better. Spent £100 over the weekend, also dared to face the spreadsheet and added the holidays to it. On track for the month not counting the holidays we’ve booked.

 

 

@Sun_Addict thanks (I think, ha). I’ve found there are times in business that you realise things aren’t going well and have to take actions that aren’t always easy else the alternative isn’t going to be attractive. I’ve found the same applies to life in general idk can’t really explain it but the alternatives open to me with how I was were definitely not appealing. 

 

@annabanana82 I still haven’t booked the boating holiday – it’s in my plans though. Got a feeling we are either going to really enjoy that one or not enjoy it at all but I’m sure we’ll have some laughs about it in years to come if it’s the disaster my wife thinks it’s going to be.

 

Sorry to hear your husband isn’t well. Perhaps a nice two-night spa break would work well for you two? Tbf not going to be every bloke’s cup of tea.

 

@enthusiasticsaver thank you, we are looking forward to it but going to be away a fair bit over the next 6 months or so which isn’t really helping my nerves – Barcelona start of May, Athens and visiting parents end of May, Centre Parcs and Paris in July, visiting parents and renewing our vows end of October. Wife wants to go to Lapland either this year or next ‘before the magic fades’ for son who already knows Santa isn’t real idk she makes me laugh when she says things like that. 

 

Can’t say I’m looking forward to Disneyland massively myself tbh but I’m looking forward to it for them. Maybe you could take your one granddaughter and take the younger granddaughter somewhere else more quiet – think they are both girls iirc.

 

Good Friday was better weather here too, this weekend wasn’t too bad either so I hope you managed to get out on your walk? My family would like those type of walks if we went to the coast with the dog. 

 

@lucielle thank you, although I do find it difficult I do know some time out is good and needed.

 

@RelievedSheff thank you, that’s the plan I hope we can all look back on these and future trips fondly. As difficult as I find it sometimes, some of my fondest memories are when I’ve got away from the office and gone somewhere with my family. We really enjoyed our day trip to Norfolk and definitely want to go back for longer.

 

@Iamouttheotherside Thank you, I am throwing everything at reaching long term recovery. Not sure I will beat all the demons tbh but being able to get through the bad days without slipping back into old habits is my current long term goal. My wife and I weren’t a team -being realistic I’m sure we shouldn’t still be together as the majority of our marriage hasn’t been great. Since I came home last year we’ve worked on our marriage every day and she is still very much on the right path, we are a team now and that’s what matters; the present and future.

 

He was absolutely buzzing when I told him he could have the first choice, never forget how excited he was. It means a lot to me to see him so happy. What it’s about really.

 

I have had sessions with the pros discussing my business and both its finances and my personal finances. Leaving money in for growth is still important to me, although I’ve had to face up to some decisions I made over the years that haven’t been particularly smart – prior to any growth in real terms I need this time of consolidation both personally and in business.   

 

Ha, can’t say I’d be keen on my son reading that fml.

 

My son growing up and the stuff he’ll be exposed to !!!!!! terrifies me; the thought of him making some of the choices I have in life isn’t pleasant. The vaping doesn’t surprise me unfortunately. One of my youngest employees vapes yet apparently has never smoked a cigarette idk. It’s all absolutely !!!!!! revolting, can’t stand any sort of smoking. He doesn’t know the ins and outs of what is wrong with me but he knows more than he should at his age. When I think about it too much it breaks me – know it’s my fault, the first time I tried to give it up was when we were expecting him. With hindsight I should have sought help then. Obviously I didn’t and hindsight is a wonderful thing. Regarding being ashamed of my past I hope it will fade with more time clean even so I do understand where you’re coming from in terms of being open about it with my son when he is older.

 

Didn’t manage to have that nice weekend but did get out with my family for lunch on Sunday. Will try again this weekend; we are going to go to a preserved railway.

 

@MatyMoo thank you, re heads up; my boy will absolutely love the open top bus tours – will put it on the list.

 

@lashie thank you, I do think we’ve got some things to look forward to.

 

@FootyFanDan thanks mate. Idk how I managed this but my family still want me around, it’s amazing to see them happy. No amount of money can buy that.  

 

@warby68 I’m not there quite yet but I have learned living well isn’t driven by ego, image and the type of things that mattered to me in addiction. I’ll get there with getting the debts paid off, have a solid plan and keeping on track by not slipping up although I can’t !!!!!! wait for the day I make that last payment. Not like I’m never going to use 0% again, would be a mug not to take advantage of it but not for the !!!!!! stupid reasons I used to. Said to my wife the other day I’m going to throw some of our res mortgage on the 0% when renewal rolls around, mad not to we are not going to see those 1% rates again I don’t think. 

Iamouttheotherside

@alt80
You don't say what your in-laws did to trip you off, this was my concern that I thought they would do when they came over on Mothers day.  Does your wife know what they did? Have you talked about it?   

What you have to look at, is that in the past, they had their little girl all the time and their grandson, as much as they want you to recover, deep down inside they are probably also not seeing and enjoying their little princess and your son as much as they used to?  Maybe a tad envious?  

Do not fall out with your wife, her parents will be there to say "I told you so", keep your family tree trunk strong, don't let anyone come between you, I cannot stress enough how important this is from past experience.   

Get back out together for Sunday lunch this weekend, stick together.

But you are going to have up days and massive down days, your challenge is to be able to get through it and each time you will get stronger, please believe me.  

Stay on the path.

alt80

@Iamouttheotherside My FIL thinks I’m lying about my recovery and went as far as to practically accuse me of using on Friday. I get why they have no trust in me, doesn’t make it any easier though. I’ve not experienced anger like that in a long time idk how I didn’t lose it but glad I didn’t. Had a lot of anger management treatment, can only put it down to that tbf quite pleased it hasn’t all just been a waste of time – me flying off the handle is something I’ve been working hard to overcome for a number of years now. Never resulted in anything good - wound up in hospital after hitting stuff, crashed a car, spent stupid amounts on impulse all completely off my box. Regularly wrecked my personal finances through anger. !!!!!! madness but in FIL’s head apparently I've learned to hide it better and me not flying off the handle is some kind of admission of ‘guilt’. I don't !!!!!! know ha. Last weekend was incredibly tough I’ve not felt that low in a while but spent nothing off plan, didn’t slip and didn’t hit anything. Going to call feeling like complete !!!!!! a win in hindsight sounds odd I know but I’m quite pleased and thankful in a strange way. 

 

I still love the property game and the nice things money can buy but it’s got a lot less meaning when faced with losing your family I can tell you that much. My little family comes first we have each other no one else these days, no one comes between us. Some of the reasons you mention wouldn’t surprise me – had her round there all the time before and she used to stay there a fair bit. They never let her grow up, she had a fall out over that with them when she was in therapy all my fault so far as they were concerned of course. 100% in my in-laws eyes I’ll always be a !!!!!! probably !!!!!! hate that my marriage is rock solid. Tbf I do get no one has an ambition for their child to marry a cokehead it's not something I can say I’d like for my son. Anyway rant over ha.

 

This weekend we are going to a preserved railway as well as our usual lunch out on Sunday. Wife is going to the housewarming Saturday, hoping she doesn’t have too much to drink not that I can say anything, don’t find being around anyone drunk easy to deal with they !!!!!! me off ha. 

Iamouttheotherside

@alt80
Bloody knew it, what a ducking tw4t your father in law is!  So chuffed you didn't lose your rag, that would have wound him up even more, you came away the bigger man that's for sure and well done again for staying on the straight and narrow, that is a huge tick and positive move forward, you had a big challenge there and you overcome it!

I genuinely don't believe you have to prove that you are clean to your FIL, but just for smug purposes, you can buy this https://www.amazon.co.uk/Drug-Testing-Cannabis-Cocaine-Opiates/dp/B01N9RBTKV/ref=sr_1_6?crid=2OWIC1J3QRWJM&keywords=drug+test+kits&qid=1681980397&sprefix=drug+test+kits%2Caps%2C70&sr=8-6

So if he does it again, that should shut him up.  

I can say without a doubt he is jealous about your strong marriage now, he wants his little princess back relying on daddy.

Good to hear you have plans for the weekend and I'm with you on the drunk thing, I hate being sober when everyone around is drunk, everyone shouts and no-one ever listens to anyone, so I feel your pain for Saturday!  

Keep your family strong and have a fantastic Sunday together.

foxgloves

@alt80 - I know you don't need any more reasons to stay off the stuff, but this has given you another one to add to the list......after the comments & attitude of your FiL, you can add "staying off it to bloody spite him"!!!!
F

poppy811

I know it is a trite saying that you can't change the past but can change the future but your future looks so different now so ignore him, you are doing brilliantly

RelievedSheff

He is probably just looking out for his little girl but it has come out in the wrong manner.

Well done for keeping your cool. 

Just put it down as a bad experience and move on. Try not to hold it against him the next time you have a family meet up. 

You are doing great and I'm sure they will come round to seeing that in the future.