Moving on with things

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver we’re looking after each other. More her looking after me than the other way round but I’ll remember that. Absolutely re others. Hope you had a nice coronation weekend. My son enjoyed it, so imagine your grandchildren did.

@RelievedSheff haha fml re Rotherham, hope you had a good time though. 

@warby68 I hope you’re right as for Mrs A, she’s my rock. Generally we are being very careful not to throw money around, it did neither of us any favours.

@poppy811 thank you. I’m not really ‘ok’ but the nights don’t stay dark forever.

RelievedSheff

Glad you had a good holiday and you all enjoyed it.

It is going to take time for you to adjust to a pattern of having down time and realising it is a good thing for you. You have had so many years of not allowing yourself time off.

You are doing great with the finances as a family. The rest will follow. Just give it time.

alt80

@RelievedSheff thank you, we are really looking forward to getting the current balances gone. Lot of good memories made, don't regret getting away one bit. Possibly seems a bit at odds as we weren’t exactly careful with money when we went away and more than a bit indulgent as we’re away at the end of this month too. Idk just feel no guilt for seeing my little family so happy. 

Absolutely re down time, the pros, my wife and you can tell me it's a good thing but getting into that right headspace is a different matter - never have been wired right in the head - can’t blame that solely on addiction, know that much. Started work at 7.30am today and just about done for the day now, it's !!!!!! mad and the guilt I have being away from it when people rely on me for their livelihoods, families etc is massive. I know I have made some poor decisions in business as well as personally over the years, see that now my head is clearer. Tbh, not an excuse but I'm understaffed after having to let staff go last year and trying to turn the same volume of work; falls to me as I just cannot find the right people. Consequence of being in business. I know I'll get to that point of being able to ease off a bit - will have to happen as I definitely can’t do this when I’m 65/70, probably won’t be able to keep this up 5 years tbh. I will find the right people for the jobs eventually and some of my junior members of the team will and are growing in ability and confidence too but it requires a specific skillset, as well as an ability to actually do the job and the two don't necessarily always go hand in hand iyswiacf.

All affects me tbh get completed whacked and there are times I am very tempted to just press the !!!!!! it button and undo all the progress but I don’t want to put my family through that again. 

RelievedSheff

It is strange times for finding staff. We are in the same boat.

Iamouttheotherside

@alt80
Good to hear from you, so chuffed you had a good time - all worth it in the end.    We spend like crazy on holiday but we always say we have earned it and deserve it.

I'm with you on the work hours at the moment, not a good idea having 3 bank holidays in one month, in certain industries it only means that work has to be crammed into less days.  Both Tuesdays after the bank holidays, people who I have spoke to have been so stressed trying to get work done, likewise the Friday before, we are working crazy hours, I am ducked!

I think the only industries who will truly benefit are hospitality and retail, but as the weather has been mediocre and with those staff on double time, I am sure it is questionable whether it was worth it profit wise?  Also people genuinely only have a certain budget regardless of how many bank holidays you have in a month.

Anyway good to hear you are still on track - all of you.

poppy811

How are you doing?

maggiem

Hope all ok @alt80 and you are just busy with work before going away. 

poppy811

Really concerned re lack of response. Hope all is Ok but I did notice you sounded very stressed when you were last on here.  Grab all the professional help you can and enjoy half term

alt80

Been a very difficult few weeks, not been able to switch off at all. My wife has been with me at all times, driving me between my office and home and to appointments. I asked her to after I came too close to falling back into old habits. Pros are helping me to try to get some semblance of a work life balance that isn't wake up, work, go to bed. 

Making a lesser payment towards the balances than usual tomorrow in advance of going away. That's massively tripping me off as is the possibility June / July will be similar due to the holidays. I do plan to take an additional dividend at the end of the year to clear the balances once and for all but idk not meeting the payment I wanted to be able to is just really !!!!!! with my head even though it was set as an ambitious target. I actually let my mind wonder off the business this evening and I was thinking about when I was really battling with spending and my wife was too, it was compulsive for both of us. She used to see me off my head spending like a madman and just thought !!!!!! it, made her feel a bit better in the moment. So proud of where she is rn, her spending is planned, she’s disciplined about what she’s buying and she doesn’t go out spending for the sake of it but doesn’t entirely restrict herself. I haven’t got there, I don’t spend because I don’t allow myself to. I don’t have easy access to my own money and no personal allowance or whatever you want to call it. Know it’s the right thing but not easy to live with sometimes. From time to time miss it like hell tbh do with all the destructive stuff. Was listening to a recovery podcast working earlier and the guest who’d been through absolute hell that I can’t even imagine said although he no longer has the material trappings after losing his business, he has found something more meaningful. Had the !!!!!! responsibility calling after listening to that, told my boy to only look to me for how not to live life but don't think he got it really. People on here and in recovery have been trying to get me to find that self worth rather than worth that comes from conditional / external factors but I just can’t get there. 

@RelievedSheff I know mate. Hope you are getting closer to finding some new talent?

@Iamouttheotherside thank you, it was great until we were coming home and the guilt of being away from business hit me like a !!!!!! tonne of bricks idk. All again soon, back to being full of anxiety and guilt; need to go with them as they won’t go alone but thought of being away again from my staff and business is !!!!!! horrible. This year I’m over my holiday allocation by 2 days always have tried to keep the same allocation for me as my staff and I’m !!!!!! racked with guilt over not doing so this year. Last year and the year before went well over trying to sort my head out too.

I know where you’re coming from in respect of spending on holiday difference is I can’t say I feel I have earned it or deserve it, pros trying to encourage me to be kinder to myself, wouldn’t speak to a mate in the way I speak to myself etc idk my poor decisions in the past of which there are many just keep !!!!!! killing me emotionally and in a much more profound way since I stopped using.

Don’t know whether we are coming or going with all the bank holidays, probably not helping tbf; 3 this month and 5 in 7 weeks if we’re counting Easter fml. Our work has to crammed into less days to the same quality for an ever demanding client base. Seems they get more demanding around these times but really it’s what you say everyone stressed out of their !!!!!! minds. 

@poppy811 / @maggiemay I'll be alright, thanks both.

Iamouttheotherside

@alt80. Huge pat on the back to Mrs Alt, she has well and truly stepped up with her support this time, I have to say I never thought she would, what a girl!  That is what a family is all about and a good spouse, when the other is faltering or having a tough time, the spouse steps up and becomes the glue to keep you together.

Also you really need to cut yourself some slack, the holiday allocation thing is ridiculous, your staff will be fully aware of all the extra hours you put in with regards to working in the evening, I bet they are not keeping count on your "holidays".  Also, if one of your staff had the struggles you have had this year, I am sure you would have given sick/compassionate leave - think about that.  Staff also get days off for funerals etc.  You are being too hard on yourself on this matter. 

With regards to your holiday spending - if you didn't earn it, then where did it come from?  Again give yourself a break, reap the rewards of your hard work, let your family see the rewards of your hard work too.

So another chuffing bank holiday, at least this one is sunny, so get out and get some sun, it will lift your mood.

As you say everyone is so busy at present, I swear every time the government or the Bank of England mention the word "recession" it triggers more work orders and more new customers.

Keep on the path, but go easy on yourself also, you are doing well.