Moving on with things

RelievedSheff

You are both doing so well. You just need to step back a little and realise that.

You shouldn't feel guilty for taking a holiday. We all need a break from work.

alt80

Didn't have a great start to the day but have got through and this evening I cooked dinner. Once I started it was nice to do something not related to work. Also trying to get my steps up to 10k a day, managed 8.6k today. Getting back to the gym seems a goal too far at the moment although I know I need towards exercising again. 

No money news, I wrote tomorrow yesterday when I meant Friday ha. Tomorrow I will be reducing the balances by an additional £2,350.

@Iamouttheotherside Some day I hope I will be well enough to look after her rather than the other way round. You're 100% right about family and my wife. Last year I was under no illusion the reason she chose to give the therapy a go but last week she told me it's not about a lifestyle now. I'm looking forward to renewing our vows in October, it will be like a new chapter for me; I didn't get married for the right reasons and to be able to say those words with the sentiments behind them for the right reasons and with my mind clear is something I need to do. It !!!!!! kills me I can't give them the world.

My staff encourage me to go on holiday lol. I struggle with feeling I'm deserving on the time off work on holiday my mind tells me it's a day I'm letting my team down even though I know it's not and we do all need a break from time to time. I'm the same with the 'earned it' thing less about did I earn the money to do x/y/z and more my head telling me I haven't 'earned' the right to have this goos time. Idk can't really explain it probably sounds a lot more !!!!!! up trying to ha but I am fighting to get better, not giving up.

We are going to be in Athens by the time BH Monday rolls around, weather is pretty much guaranteed this time of year, mid to high 20s there next week. Tbf the weather has been glorious here and looking at the app more of the same to come. 

I have been trying to only pay as much attention as I need to in terms of the Government and BoE rn the news was really getting me down. We are fortunate that we have quite a diverse business and when one source of income is down, another is up. Overall we do have ups and downs of course but I was very careful to design the sources of income to be diverse because my industry can be volatile tbf probably helped in that respect that my business was very young in 2008. 

Thank you and have a nice BH.

@RelievedSheff have to believe we will get there one day thank you. Hope you are ok and getting that van out for this weekend.

RelievedSheff

The van is out this weekend. We are heading down to Cheddar. We are heading out tonight. Won't be a million miles away from you tonight. We are staying over at a pub in Shardlow for the night.

warby68

Sorry its still such tough going @alt80

Old habits and thought patterns can be incredibly hard to break even without addiction on top but you are doing the right things to get there eventually. Spending and debt are under control too, just that sneaky 'extreme' brain of yours saying its not quite enough. Well done to rational brain for cracking on with the holidays and working for balance. Marriage rebalanced. Son has 2 full time parents. So much more good than bad now. Keep going alt.

alt80

Not looking forward to the chaos we’re going to be walking into at the airport tomorrow haha.

 

Made the payment as planned. As much as I would like to not need to take that additional dividend at the end of the year to clear the balances, we are not planning to cut back spending this coming holiday. My wife thinks we need these times to relax and not be so restrictive with money. I see that point of view tbf. I’m concerned about next year I don’t want money to be frittered away anymore and would like to leave the difference between what we need to live and what I’ve had to pull out of the business to keep up with our lifestyle and more recently pay the card balances off. I want to buy more investment property rather than having more disposable income but my wife wants us to have more disposable income and be able to enjoy that as a family. She made me laugh the other day said we could save towards buying an Aston Martin and go on the driving holidays I always talked about. Some days I am OK but others I can barely drive to the city centre and back never mind !!!!!! off to Scotland in a car.

 

@RelievedSheff Have a great time! From your photos it looks a good stopover, although I should imagine you’ve been to Shardlow before by boat?

 

@warby68 thank you, unfortunately I haven’t been able to rid myself of the nothing enough mindset. Things can seem grim sometimes, my recovery hasn’t been like the gurus that reckon they’ve gone from having a massive coke habit to living their best life all from dipping in some pool of cold water a couple of times a week and peddling it all over Instagram. If it’s not !!!!!! then good luck to them but I’m still having therapy, been left with lingering poor mental health, lost friends, had to face whole !!!!!! lot of reality in terms of poor decisions I’ve made in the past and had to have some of the most difficult conversations of my life. Even so, my little family feel safer, happier and our future should be more secure. That’s what matters. 

alt80

Been back home a few days, pulled myself together enough today to face the amount we spent. Idk, I do need to try to get to a better mindset than this guilt all the !!!!!! time. Ultimately I’ve spent money on giving my family memories they seem to treasure won’t shut up about it anyway ha I shouldn’t feel like !!!!!! about that and like that money should be kept in my business away from me. 

I couldn’t stop thinking about work most of the time I was there. Rn I’m really !!!!!! struggling which isn’t helpful to maintaining recovery or staying on the trajectory to becoming free of my past reliance on credit were it shouldn’t have a use. Aware just how !!!!!! my mindset was and still is but unfortunately I’m having a hard time repairing it. Have had some news since home that made me certain that I am determined to stay on this path for my family. Listen to a lot of recovery / mental health type podcasts and still having therapy one thing that comes up time and time again is you have to want to do it for yourself. I can’t get into that position do it for my family and people who rely on me for jobs etc. think it’s why I struggle with it so much tbf just have to ensure I don’t have access to personal money and don’t !!!!!! up. 

RelievedSheff

Somehow missed your post on the 27th. We never made it to Shardlow with the boat. It was the first time we have been the other week with the van. Nice spot. We will definitely visit again.

Don't feel guilty about spending on holidays. You are making memories as a family. Memories that you will all remember together for years to come. You can't put a price on that.

You should be proud of how far you have come so far.

Sun_Addict

Agreed, don't feel guilty about spending on holidays. We've spent an absolute fortune on holidays over the years, don't want to know or even think about how much. The main thing was we enjoyed them all and still talk about them regularly even though some were many years ago. Happy memories that's what's important. 

MatyMoo

The money you are spending now is making lovely memories for your whole family, unlike the money you wasted in the past. 

I stopped smoking 11 months ago after 40+ years, for some reason I have really struggled the last 2-3 weeks so am avoiding shops so I can’t buy any 🙄

curly_moose

If you’re interested in podcasts, you might want to check out Huberman Labs. Andrew Huberman’s a neuroscientist at Stanford and looks at addiction and recovery in some of them, but also mental health, well-being and wellness more broadly. If you haven’t come across him already, it seems like it would be up your street.