Moving on with things

Baileys_Babe

Your trip sounds like it was a resounding success. I'm impressed with your wife even considering that ride let alone doing it when she has only recently qualified. It must have given her a boost in confidence.

On future trips would it be worth considering the back up car carries a can of fuel for your wife's bike?

RelievedSheff

Glad to hear you had a good trip. Sounds like it was just what you all needed.

daisy_1571

sounds like you have come so far, well done on overcoming your own head and making this holiday memorable for all the right reasons. 

Dxx 

alt80

Start of a new month. I’ve done the usual month end accounting. Less gone into the SSAS than I would like. I’ve had to pull out some additional funds to avoid a small balance accruing on my credit card. This coming month we’ve got a few things planned for half term - going to the motocross again, my wife is the biggest !!!!!! kid, she can’t wait to tell the instructor she’s passed her test lol. 

Business is ticking along nicely and my wife is doing well with her work, I keep winning new projects on her behalf ha but tbf she’s got some serious boundaries as to how much she’ll take on. I don’t have that kind of resolve and I wouldn’t have been able to handle it a few years back, can’t say I find it easy now. Trying to take something from it myself tbh and not be constantly chasing new business for the buzz and additional revenue but at the expense of my time taking too much on. Always have realised that my staff need a balance between work and home but never managed to fully respect similar boundaries with my own time. Idk I’d hate myself for this a few years back but I’m not putting myself under pressure to earn more. I’m in a good place and whilst more money would also be nice, where does it stop - that’s something I’ve tortured myself about for far too long. Not doing well enough, being enough. My son wants me around as well as my wife, that’s a privilege. I still struggle with feeling that I don’t deserve them but I shouldn’t be punishing them by hiding away when they have stood by me. 

@Baileys_Babe 100%. She was pretty nervous about parts of it before we set off which I think anyone would be and she was quite pleased she hadn’t got our son riding pillion for the whole time. 

He reckoned he wasn’t going to get in the car before we set off- spent probably 2/3 in the car haha. Idk he’s growing up but still very immature, he makes me laugh. His latest argument is wanting to cycle to school with his mate whose parents won’t even let their son out of their garden. Not happening anyway but he didn’t stop !!!!!! talking about it over Easter trying to get my wife to persuade this lad’s mum that the pair of them need to cycle to school in September. Idk it was funny, my wife would have literally no sway with this other kid’s mum and it did mean she didn’t have to directly tell him no. Dgmw if the route was quieter we’d consider it but it’ll be a few years yet. 

That’s a great suggestion re the petrol situation. Tbf I shouldn’t have been surprised and neither should she. 

@RelievedSheff thanks, 100% it was brilliant . I’ll catch up on your photos over the next few days but I hope you had a great time too. 

@daisy_1571 thank you. Idk why but I think it’s my time. I want to learn from the past but leave it behind, keep checking in with the things that I’ve done with the pros when my head gets in a bad place and carry on working with them. It’s all I need to do, keep working on it every day. I’ve got a little bit of faith in myself, I can work at something tough daily when I apply myself. I thought it was just work where I could do it but it is the approach that we took with our marriage to this day and will continue to. My wife actually said recently that I’m not here to serve them she wants to spend time with me not just what I am able to provide. I wrote down her exact words in my book. I never thought she or anyone else would love me for me, always thought if I couldn’t give them things I wouldn’t be wanted at all. 

Actually revisited some really inspiring recovery journeys, people who’ve come back from some really !!!!!! grim situations and I’ve got my little family, my business, a good standard of living so !!!!!! much to be thankful for and to actually live for. Letting my head get in the way of that through not putting my mental health first is just self sabotage. 

in_need_of_direction

Hi Alt, thanks for sharing.  I'm self employed, have a pile of work due into clients and an invitation to tender due tomorrow. My gut instinct is to not pass up a potential opportunity but i can see the value in your wife's approach.  sometimes posts that resonate come along at just the right time.  Cheers

warby68

@alt80 you should save that last post for the next time the demons come a knocking (if they dare).

Baileys_Babe

That must of been amazing to realise that your wife loves you for who you are.

I hope over time seeing your wife setting and sticking to her work boundaries has a positive influence on you.

enthusiasticsaver

Some great updates there and congrats to your wife on passing her bike test and glad you all managed a road trip over Easter. Sounds like you are both doing very well. 

maggiem

So good to read that post. alt80 said:

I’m not putting myself under pressure to earn more. I’m in a good place and whilst more money would also be nice, where does it stop - that’s something I’ve tortured myself about for far too long. Not doing well enough, being enough. My son wants me around as well as my wife, that’s a privilege. I still struggle with feeling that I don’t deserve them but I shouldn’t be punishing them by hiding away when they have stood by me. 

Maybe you should print out this whole post to remind you if you ever do have another wobble. I’m so pleased for you after all your hard work to get here! 

alt80

Thanks all. I have written down part of that post in my book / journal. Still not in a great place sleep wise most of the time. When it’s really bad I find myself just able to do the minimum. Tbh it’s one of the reasons why I’m just keeping the business ticking along at a steady pace, normal hours Monday- Thursday and finish at lunch on Fridays. We take our son to school together every day and we pick him up together on Fridays. School holidays Im around as much as possible. I’ve had a few people, old associates I try to avoid these days mainly, asking what the !!!!!! has happened to me but I’m beyond caring about the opinion of people who largely prefer putting their image above all else. 

We haven’t had the best week, my wife hasn’t been very well with some kind of cold/ flu but she is getting better now. Consequently we did nothing over the bank holiday tbh needed that physically and financially ha. She hasn’t been on social media in months, looked at it for 10 minutes when she was in bed unwell the other day but it really upset her. Finally !!!!!! seeing it for what it is. Neither of us want our son on it. There are kids at his school causing trouble with phones, seeing all sorts. It’s a different !!!!!! world. I still read the news too much, one article last week stated hardly any parents read to their kids anymore which I’m not sure how much I believe, most of our sons friends parents read to their kids and the kids read to them, but even so it hit me like a !!!!!! tonne of bricks. Said on here too many times how much I dread the day that my son stops letting me read to him. 

Idk my family is on my mind a lot rn, neither my wife or I think our boy is close to being ready to go to the senior school. It’s next level for him, some different kids, new uniform and teachers etc. They even lose their school house for a new one because it’s basically seen like a new school for them. He wants to stay in the juniors with his current classmates especially now it’s sunk in that there are kids moving to different types of school and new kids coming to his school. The school have been really good tbf, my wife’s been in about 10 times, we’ve been in 3 times together. He’s actually done better academically this year than anticipated, relatively good at most sports, still singing and doing well with learning the cello. They tell us he’s ready and they think he’s going to thrive. I know it really shouldn’t be keeping me up at night but these next years are massive for him and I keep looking at the results stats for his school which are great but equally all I see are studies about kids struggling to find their way generally these days. I just want the best for him and everywhere I look it just seems like there’s something I’ve done or just in his environment which is likely to have a negative impact on his future.