Moving on with things

alt80

@RelievedSheff 100%, there's been too many times over the years when I've just blindly paid for things because I was far too ashamed to ask others contribute their share. Whilst I've never had a problem with company finances being constrained to a budget, it's always been different to me when it's my personal finances. These days, however, I don't like to mindlessly spend or spend when I don't want to because I fear the judgment of others, protecting the interests of my family comes first.

@ryanm8655 good to hear from you mate. I hope the purchase is progressing. 

Yeah, I know it's the right thing to avoid contact. I can't take any risks in that regard.

Haha he's !!!!!! me off for a lot longer than I've been on here lol. I know exactly wyacf re friends / family members almost having some sort of feeling of entitlement over your money in some way or another. 

alt80

Quite pleased with our frugal (for us) June weekend. Weather has been so so but we’ve managed to get the old car out for a drive to a nice pub for a fantastic Sunday roast. Not helping the diet situation ha. 

Been through the last two month’s expenses- just general day to day stuff we stick on the credit card and clear off at the end of the month. 100% recommended everyone should review and reflect once a quarter- it’s !!!!!! amazing how much you realise you spend on stuff that didn’t really enhance your life and/ or is actually harming your health. We’re really trying to sort out how much upf we eat, I was !!!!!! disgusted to actually add up how many times I’ve eaten at upf places. Usually quick work lunches and/ or afternoon coffee and cake but it’s still paying money to get fat and eat something that is no good whatsoever. 

alt80

This week has been a good one. Minimal amounts of money spent, so we are on track with the frugal June. Diet well and truly busted this weekend though - my wife seems to have carried over my now Mother’s Day tradition of good home cooked food and baking indulgence to Father’s Day ha. It was brilliant. My boy and my wife both wrote some really kind words as did my parents in law. I’m glad we don’t do presents as such anymore. For us these gifts have more meaning without the negative connotations. I appreciate most people don’t have a negative past surrounding material gifts but if you’re either struggling with debt or do have negative experiences of gift giving in your close relationships, I recommend trying something different that’s still meaningful but less about the material. 

Whilst we’re on the material, we gave our son his tech pack for senior school after a successful transition day which he loved. He hadn’t expected the new tech goodies so he’s been buzzing. They were all asked what they want to do when they grow up by their new tutor, no doubt all the others gave sensible answers - he told his new tutor that he wants to be a dad and a TT rider but that he’ll probably have to help me out with the business too because I’ll be old by then fml. He’s currently obsessed with the TT, a phase both my wife and I really hope he grows out of. 

I’ve been listening and reading quite a lot about acceptance alongside my therapy- it’s something I’ve read about and discussed before but it actually seems helpful and like something I can actually work towards this time. Definitely good to have got through some of what I can only describe as a fog of guilt and self loathing and into a mindset of accepting my wife stood by me and had some faith in me not that she just felt bad for me. She still props me up and since she has been in therapy seems to know that I’m struggling with obsessive thoughts before I do and can prod me in the right direction. 

PollyWollyDoodle

Glad you’ve had such a good week.  

Your son’s ambition is ‘to be a dad’ - that’s a huge compliment to you!  You’re doing a good job.  

Baileys_Babe

PollyWollyDoodle said:

Glad you’ve had such a good week.  

Your son’s ambition is ‘to be a dad’ - that’s a huge compliment to you!  You’re doing a good job.  

My take from your son's future plans was that he wants to be you and a TT rider, which is a huge compliment.

I'm pleased to hear Father's day was a positive experience for you.

RelievedSheff

Another one here who takes from that your son wanting to be like you. The biggest compliment you will ever receive.

Maybe take you son to the TT one year. I'm sure you would all enjoy it. Brother in law has just been and he absolutely loved it. He's planning to go back next year.  

alt80

@PollyWollyDoodle thank you, I didn't think of it in that way. 

@Baileys_Babe Thank you, as I said to Polly I didn't see it that way and tbh my first reaction to these posts was to think I hope he doesn't see me in such a positive light. However, on reflection, I have and continue to work on reflecting on my values and learning to put my family first, I hope that's something positive. So many people on here have helped alongside those I'm close to and the pros to help me to see whilst business is important, it is my family that should come above all else and that so long as I am moving forward I should not let shame take me. Thank you to you and all of those on here who have been a force for good in my life. I know I scoffed at family/ recovery/ really engaging with therapy 3/4/5 years ago, much to my own disappointment now.

Father's Day has been a nice experience for a few years now but this is the first that it hasn't come with a side of !!!!!! horrific levels of guilt. I'm not proud of the past but I have to move on, live in the present and live in hope the future is brighter still. I can't change it but I can change how I deal with the present and intend to move into the future.

@RelievedSheff It is, I will likely never ask him but if I can help my wife, and his school to help him to not put himself above others whilst loving and respecting himself I will be very proud. There's a lot of anxiety over how young lads are growing up, stuff online and what sort of world both boys and girls are inheriting but something I've worked through with the pros and reflected on is all our lives cannot be reflected on an individual basis by statistics and whatever the flavour of the day is politically. It gives me hope that he is not doomed by my past as I have agonised over for too long. Not sure if it was you or someone else on here but it was definitely someone on here who told me that I am not inherently worthless and undeserving of my family.

I bet it was amazing to be there in person. We're going to Scotland and Central Europe next year so it'll have to be 2027 - feel slightly !!!!!! sick saying 2027 haha - but I'm going to mention it to my wife. No doubt it'll not stop !!!!!! raining if we turn up though ha. She might have persuaded me to get my test by then lol. We do all love watching the TT, just don't want our son being lost to it as so many have been.

Grumpelstiltskin

If you can't make the actual T T for any reason try and go either just before or after when the stands and barriers are in place and you realize how narrow and winding the roads are.

in_need_of_direction

alternatively there's the NW200

Baileys_Babe

Grumpelstiltskin said:

If you can't make the actual T T for any reason try and go either just before or after when the stands and barriers are in place and you realize how narrow and winding the roads are.

Remember when you go over the fairy bridge, you need to say hello to them 😊