Moving on with things

alt80

Thank you @Grumpelstiltskin, @in_need_of_direction and @Baileys_Babe - IOM is on the list for 2027 although we're finalising next year's trips first - Scotland is pretty much in the bag but the Central Europe trip is still work in progress. This is turning into the holiday diary ha, which I now love rather than dread. 

We are resuming a bit of normality at home now Lauren Sanchez has actually finally got married. My wife loves Sanchez but has stuck with staying off the social platforms so has just been glued to the News app for the past week or so although most of the press was negative, my wife just wanted to see what they were all wearing. I’m glad it’s over, I can’t give her even a taste of that lifestyle and it !!!!!! breaks me still. 

This is my son’s last week as a junior. They are off on their last trip and he’s got his last musical performance before they finish on Friday. After he breaks up we’re heading to centre parcs with my in-laws for the weekend. I can’t really believe just how things have changed over the past few years; he was a little kid the first time I was persuaded to accompany my family on my in-laws annual centre parcs trip, now he’s preparing to go into the senior years of his school journey. I remember a few on here helped to persuade me to join my family for the centre parcs trip and not to make my excuses as I had done prior to Covid ha. I’m glad I went, it was a welcome break - I thought my marriage pretty much over back then and tbh I was just half waiting to lose everything. Idk, it’s not easy reflecting on how things were although I was much stronger back then, I’m glad I have my little family now.

My in-laws have said to both my wife and I that it’s just a new adventure for our boy. I know they’re right but it’s very difficult to think the next time he’s a school leaver he’ll have finished sixth form and be a young man heading off to university. My wife said he’ll probably be celebrating by going away with friends rather than to centre parcs with his family. We both hope he doesn’t have the struggles we’ve had and it’s one of the reasons we’re both trying so hard to put things right financially, emotionally etc.

I haven’t done so for a while but I drove by my old house today. Possibly why I’m reflective rn. For how much I loved that place, it doesn’t hold much in the way of good memories, I realised that moving on from the house and MP has been really good for me and for my wife too. We’ve still no idea how or when we will save up the money to re do some of the kitchen to the sort of standard we’d like and had at the old place. Idk, it’s expensive to build a life from nothing as I had to. We have friends and acquaintances who’ve never had to think about how they are going to pay their mortgage, school fees are sorted for them etc., people before them had accumulated generational wealth but I still tried to ‘compete’ on their level rather than focusing on my own lane. They’ve always knew I’ve built what I do have from absolutely nothing but I’ve always been ashamed that I’ve not done “better”.

Frugal June is nearly over and my wife has also got through her first month of paying the rent for her room at my office. She is doing really well with 18 months of her bike finance accumulated, enough to cover the higher level of expenses including her room at my office and she’s bought some treats for herself, our boy and I too. She knows I’m really proud of her and she is enjoying it too tbh having her around is helping me to get away from the office at reasonable times to do school pick up together and we still have our Friday afternoons off. A couple of my longer term staff have said I’m much better to work for lately and they’re pleased to see me enjoying time with my family. I was always convinced that if I didn’t work much harder than the people I employ they would be resentful but really they just saw the !!!!!! burnt out wreck and wondered when I’d implode as my secretary said the other week. I wished I’d listened to what some of them were saying about me needing to slow down a bit earlier, as they were right.

We have not done so bad financially; still have no credit card balances beyond the one that’s cleared in full each month. I have a direct debit set up to take the lot so there’s no temptation to just say that we’ll deal with it another time. It was a little less frugal than initially budgeted for but July shouldn’t be too horrendous, whilst we are going to visit my parents and going on to Italy with them, my dad will do a fair bit of cooking with my son and my parents aren’t demanding about eating at expensive places when they aren’t cooking. Might not have to pay at all if my dad doesn’t lose his recent winnings before we go but I’m not holding my breath and it made me laugh when they told us that the holiday spending is on them - it’ll be gone again before we get to theirs. Thinking ahead and knowing when to call it a day for a bit has never been my dad’s way but at least he’s learned not to put his home on the line so we’ll call that a win ha.  

alt80

Managed to do a bit of money saving today - a couple of my HMOs' utility contracts were coming to the end of their terms, managed to renew those for a reduced rate and renewed a couple of buildings insurance policies, including my office. None of the premiums had increased, following a few years of premiums for every type of insurance rising no matter how much I shopped around - so I'm pleased with that. 

Son is back from his final trip away as a junior. He was a bit upset especially as one of his good friends is going off to a different school. It's all massive when you're that age, !!!!!! trivial to us and a few years back this sort of thing that really isn't big in the grand scheme of things would've wound me up big time but I see his pov now - always try to think about the situation more before I react. That's taken a whole lot of !!!!!! rewiring my brain but I'm really glad I've done it, whole lot calmer and more patient with others; I'm a lot less stressed generally, better for my family too.

I have a few things going on with one of my staff who's been a nuisance and liability for a while and a couple of health things. All been going on a while but I handle it a lot better these days. Last ten minutes at the office I've started a bit of a work wind down journal and I can just leave it there for tomorrow or whenever. It's been a !!!!!! game changer, I don't take the negative stuff home. Still sometimes work at home but it's when I want or need to. All part of getting your head in the right mindset if you have addictive or compulsive habits that will 100% choose to !!!!!! you if you let them and if you let the good stuff slide, it'll just spiral. 

daisy_1571

Amazing the differences you've made in your life, brilliant stuff alt, you should definitely pat yourself on the back for following through on the hard work 

Daisy xx

alt80

Well that’s it, early finish today and end of juniors. Feels very much like the end of an era and start of a new journey for my boy. As usual we are getting our holidays in before every other school breaks up. The long summer used to really wind me up - pay to get less as I saw it but it gives us chance to enjoy our holidays, spend lots of time together and get cheaper flights etc. 

I’ve been on here nearly 5 years and in 5 more we’ll have very few of these summers left. No !!!!!! chance did I think I’d ever care when I signed up. But what I’ve learned above anything about learning to live within your means is to cherish every single moment with your loved ones. I cannot believe I still have my little family together and how their support has seen me through. With the benefit of hindsight I can see I have never deserved my wife and son and that tbf my brother- in-law and sister-in-law are right she should have better. No matter your situation financially, put your loved ones first it shouldn’t take what it did for me to stop taking them for granted. Get your debt paid, obviously but don’t neglect quality time with family- even bankrupts are allowed a holiday. 

@daisy_1571 thank you. I’ve still got a long way to go but haven’t we all ha?

FootyFanDan

You have put in a hell of a lot of hard work to turn it around, and I am not sure I have really ever seen you take credit for that, but it seems to be paying off

lucielle

Have a wonderful time away making memories. 

L

mark55man

Well done @alt80 - you deserve all the happiness you have made for yourself and your family,  Enjoy your holidays.

You are right that things change when the kids move up a school, but their growing up brings different pleasures (and challenges) and you are in the right place now to make the most of that and to do the most for him.

Humdinger1

@alt80, certain members of your wife's family could learn a valuable lesson from you in moving on and living in the moment. Things were bad and now they're better. Do they think they're perfect? Love Humdinger x

daisy_1571

Well said humdinger 👍 👏 

Dxx