Moving on with things

alt80

Slightly better day yesterday but still not really where I’d like to be with sleep and very conscious how it impacts me. Trying to take each day as it comes, prioritise what I need to do business wise and try to remind myself I’ve managed to get through this countless times before.

@ryanm8655 You’re further along the process than I’d realised. It’s not in the bag yet but congratulations on having the offer accepted. Nothing wrong with buying a place that needs some updating - it should mean you are getting better value and you can update it to your own tastes rather than putting up with someone else’s. A two-year fix in the current environment is fine imo - when they were practically giving resi mortgages away it made sense to fix for longer. You made me smile about the £40 fml you don’t know how lucky you are with FTB SDLT allowances mate.

From what you’re saying, it sounds like you’ve moved on from the London lifestyle since you’ve moved back there or you’ve got some bigger news - wife and kids?

Thank you, I am pleased to have no credit card debt although it’s still surreal tbh. The sobriety journey has been and is !!!!!! difficult, I even lied to myself just how !!!!!! bad it got. Realistically I don’t think I’ll ever fully get over it, cocaine is nasty stuff and I let it get into parts of my life that it had no place being. Not sure the shame of what I was addicted to and some of the things I’ve done in addiction will ever go. I’ve been in therapy for 4 1/2 years, I saw a counsellor initially to try to deal with my out of control spending habits which at the time I thought was a lot bigger deal than my drug use. Just shows how it twisted my thinking idk all I can do is keep moving in the right direction. 

The EQE is a great car to be driven in, it’s comfortable and peaceful. Still have that one for a while yet so we’ll see. My son loves anything with an engine; cars and bikes and it !!!!!! breaks my heart.

We moved to another Victorian house, ended up spending £850k and moving up from the poor man’s park to the rich man’s park ha. It’s a semi-detached villa but the previous owner did a lot to upgrade it so it’s a lot less characterful than my old home, warm though and that’s still a novelty to me haha. I’d love to reinstate a few fireplaces and renew the kitchen. It’s not very old but we spent a lot of money on the kitchen in our old home, the one here is a bit of a downgrade. I had to borrow additional money over the difference in the respective values, just to cover the SDLT and a few other moving costs so it would have been really !!!!!! stupid to borrow even more to rip out a perfectly good kitchen when I still had credit card debt too. Things are definitely better now financially both personally and within my business interests. 

RelievedSheff

ryanm8655 said:

alt80 said:

Managed to have an OK weekend, got out of the house a little bit and got some jobs I'd been meaning to do for a while done but sleep has been terrible still idk have to keep as positive as I can when I'm struggling with sleep to state the !!!!!! obvious posting at this time. I need to keep the belief it will improve because the alternative is letting it completely destroy my mental health.
My wife is building up to taking my son to Wales on the bike, he had his first taste of going on a 70mph dual carriageway as a pillion which scared him but he was better today when she took him on the same road. I've made a commitment to going with them in the Mk2. It'll be the furthest I've driven for a very long time but it will mean my son or our friends' kid will be able to have a break from being on the back of the bikes if they want. 

Spent very little money tbh these days I find that can be quite nice in itself, just spending time with my family doing things that cost little.

@RelievedSheff it'll !!!!!! throw it down - my Mrs has cursed the weather now by signing up for the bike trip ha. 

@Humdinger1 thank you. We have a big long list, and sometimes he does read to me. He also reads to my wife everyday, they have to for school as we did when we were that age. 
@Cherryfudge Thank you. We're very aware of the Kindle and also make use of our library which has its own e-book app, hardly ever pay for books tbh.

@ryanm8655 It's great to hear from you mate. I'm made up to hear you have (finally) decided to get on the ladder. Even if you decide to head back to London, you'll at least have an asset to let / sell as you choose. Have you started looking for a place yet or are you saving your deposit up?

In some ways time has been kind to me and in others it really hasn't been. On the positive side my marriage is stronger than ever and I don't have any personal debt save for c.£513k in my home mortgage. We moved house since the last time we spoke and it's resulted in additional debt. On the not so positive side my mental health has been terrible, I didn't want to be here for the majority of last year and tbh the only thing which kept me here was knowing I've failed to provide adequate provisions for my wife and son. I'm trying to get better but idk my mental health has been awful for years now, it got to the point I was continually having panic attacks, just really unwell. Managing to keep myself together enough to run my business has been !!!!!! difficult. You hear about these !!!!!! miraculous recovery stories all the time but I know that's not guaranteed now and it can be !!!!!! years of mental torture frankly. A woman on here told me it took her husband about 5 years and a few people I know through my second stay at the rehab have said similar. I keep off it because the alternative just isn't an option.

Car wise the original electric car has gone back so we have the EQE and we also have a Mk2 Jag. I don't really drive anymore if I can get away with it. I rear ended a little car in my last Range Rover and it just !!!!!! set me off. Got to the point my wife stopped me from surrendering my licence back to the DVLA last year. I've been having therapy for OCD and it's helped, so I am driving a bit more again now. No !!!!!! choice in less than a month so I better get used to it ha.
Probably won't have another electric car when the EQE goes back, between the two of them it will have cost £75k in total and nothing to show for it. Tbf it's largely tax free as they have been leased through my business so it's not really comparing apples with apples but it still seems like a lot of money just !!!!!! up the wall that could have gone into the SSAS I've set up, towards paying the principal on my BTLs or reinvested into a few longer term projects within the business. I'm thinking about either getting a late production 2023ish C-class AMG with as low mileage as possible for us bought personally but it will mean having some element of finance on it not having £45k lying around personally so idk. The other option is buying a new Defender 90 hard top through my business which is classed as a commercial vehicle and categorised as such. They are a lot better than the old ones haha. Anyhow, definitely no longer in the glory days of two supercharged V8s in the garage.

Exactly it re: asset. Initially was going to go for a flat by the train station (there's a direct train to St Pancras in 45 mins) but decided to spend more and had an offer accepted on a nice 3 bed bungalow in a small market town. Needs a new bathroom and kitchen ideally but a decent size and perfectly liveable as is. Was amazed how cheap it is. Will do a 2-year fix and then reassess then. Do miss London but it's just too tempting to get into bad habits with partying, rents are insane and I was finding it impossible to save any money...plan was to live with family for a bit and move back in 6 months - a year but like it more than I expected and it keeps me out of trouble.

Amazing work on the debt!! Well done!! And even better work on the sobriety. Sorry to hear re: mental health side but can understand where you are coming from to some extent. The therapy will help, been there myself and it made a big difference to my life but was hard and still slip from time to time. Life eh... Can slightly relate to the driving license, learned I need to pay my solicitors £40 for the privilege of paying them and made me want to sack off the whole house buying thing out of principle ha.

Not been in one but do quite like the look of those EQEs! But can understand the pain of the opportunity cost of £75k but cars are bloody expensive these days...you've done so well to clear the debt, I wouldn't beat yourself up about the odd luxury. Always wanted a C63AMG but they are now a thing of the past unless go for a very old one - the engine noise... Quite like the new defenders too - they look really cool from the outside.

How is the new house? Characterful?

We were surprised when we moved out of a city and into a neighbouring market town just how much we enjoy the slower pace of life. We were not so sure we would when we made the move.

There is still enough going on to keep us occupied but not too much that we get carried away. 

Don't think we would move back into a city now even though we both do still work in a city.

RelievedSheff

The sleep will come Alt. Bear with it.

alt80

Thanks @RelievedSheff I’ll be ok, just so !!!!!! frustrating when my energy levels are 2/10 because I cannot sleep. Did manage about 5.5 hours last night which is a bit better but I’m still whacked. 

I couldn’t deal with the thought of moving out of town. My business ties me and, by extension, my family to this part of the world but if I had my time again I’d move to a bigger city. Hate being away from amenities.

alt80

Managed to review my finances this morning for the previous month for the first time in a while. No accumulating balance but with what we’ve spent on the classic car, next month is going to be more difficult. We are going on holiday over Easter and until now I’ve just been looking forward to it but this morning I’m anxious that we are going to have to watch what we spend a little more than I first expected. 

Treating the additional mortgage payment as an essential bill but I’m not managing to make up for the year and four months I was clearing nothing from the principal because I was still paying the credit cards down. 

I’m pleased that I have reviewed this past month and a basic overview on the past quarter but it’s just lead to me thinking that I am letting my family down again and guilty that we have what feels like a large mortgage payment and school fees that are higher which I haven’t managed to mitigate by way of additional earnings.

RelievedSheff

You have not let anyone down. Everyone has to work to a budget!

You are lucky, your budget is bigger than most and that is all of your own making through your own hard work.

You should be proud of that.

stymied

This doesn’t seem like a useful goal either practically or emotionally: I’m not managing to make up for the year and four months I was clearing nothing from the principal because I was still paying the credit cards down

Your budget at that point was set to pay off the cards and at this point is set for the regular overpayment. Trying to squeeze out more to make up for something that wasn’t in the plan is just adding extra, unnecessary pressure.

If April isn’t the best month for a quiet month can you push the low spend month to May instead? 

Lonelygambler

Be kind to yourself mate. You are doing well. One day at a time. 

warby68

@alt80 don't go down that path.

You provide well and Rome wasn't built in a day. Don't let what you haven't done spoil what you (and Mrs A) have done.

. 

alt80

Been really busy with the business and at home, we’re a week into the Easter break, only been into the office  3 days, I’m just going into work 2 1/2 days this coming week and the week after just 1 day. My wife is doing the same, things still going well with her nails but more so with the digital stuff. Went to a networking breakfast with her to introduce a couple of the packages I’ve helped her to put together for businesses, got a couple of calls to take this week for her. So I’ll add unpaid BDM to unpaid admin haha. Just wish I could get my sleep sorted.

Quite a few events, last Sunday was Mother’s Day spent the whole day helping my son to cook and bake. He loves cooking so don’t want to discourage him but he is the messiest chef ha. Next weekend is my wife’s birthday, then we’re away for Easter with our friends, taking the bikes and the Mk2. Last and this weekend I managed to get a lot of work done on the garden. My son has been a great helper, and still likes his garden so we’ve said that we’re going to see if we can get to RHS Bridgewater alongside the other things we’ve got planned. Yesterday we got out with the lad my wife passed her bike test with. They’ve both got their bikes now so we went for a run out, them on the bikes and I took the Mk2. It was the furthest my son had been on the back of the bike but he came back most of the way with me because he was cold tbf the temperature did drop and he knew better than to listen to us about layering up ha. First time I’ve really enjoyed being out in a car for a very long time - doesn’t have to be fast.

Lot of talk recently about boys only a little bit older than my son needing good male role models. My wife is a brilliant mum but we really try to make sure he spends time with my father-in-law, our friends with the classic cars and it was good to see that the lad my wife passed with is brilliant with him. His school have good teachers / sports coaches etc. so we hope he will be OK in that respect. 

Had to deal with the thoughts I’ve been having re finances with the pros. No point in not saying anything when that is the whole point of doing the work in the first place. Things aren’t bad, I just want the best for my wife and son although I know some of my thoughts are destructive and need dealing with. 

@RelievedSheff thanks, the irony for me is that I used to think I had done well for myself but these days I think far too much about what I should have done better and how I could have been better for my family.

@stymied thanks, I think we are going to have to aim for a lower spend month in May as April is shaping up to be quite expensive. Really so long as it works over the year that’s what matters, I know. Regarding my mortgage, that’s what everyone else I’ve spoken to about it has said to me too, so I think I just need to carry on as I am and make peace with it. 

@Lonelygambler thanks, mate. Hope you and family are all doing well?

@warby68 thanks, that’s basically what I’m trying to do with the pros - focus on the positives.