Moving on with things

alt80

Still whacked but 6/10 whacked rather than a good 8. Didn’t sleep as well as I hoped last night but better than for about a week.

Having physio still so limited in the gym rn. Still need to stop eating !!!!!! stupid amounts of baked goods now idk need a month of chicken salad before I go on holiday. Need to get myself sorted before I pile on more fat, 6kg over when I went to the rehab. It’s a bit of a !!!!!! kick in the nuts looking back at old photos and realising I looked better before ha.

Did spend a bit of time going through how much we’ve spent on the Mk2 so far and updating the year forecast allowing for the repayment element of the mortgage. Will need to work out the best thing to do by this time next year - I’m not sure whether to just get the lot on interest only and get serious about tackling the principal rather than putting it all onto repayment or getting it all on repayment- tbh will depend on the deals nearer the time. 

@Baileys_Babe it doesn’t affect me now unless I have a few days of poor sleep which is all too often tbf. Last year was awful and tbh I couldn’t understand I was still craving the stuff. Actually had a conversation with my son this evening about how actions can come to haunt you so be careful about the choices that you make idk whether voice of experience or voice of hypocrisy applies there. Bit of both probably ha.

@warby68 I’m really !!!!!! hoping it’s the start of being able to move on for good. Been held in the grip of it for far too long, accepted time is only one measure of distance between myself and cocaine- spent far too much time letting it destroy my mental health. That’s not real recovery from anything.

My wife is doing really well she knows I’m proud of her. She acknowledges she turned back to interest in the social media lifestyle which was no good for her because she was upset about having to deal with me. I was wanting to go through things she needed to do if I wasn’t here two/ three times a week based on the varying forecasts and models I’d come up with. Accept it’s not right now and how !!!!!! awful it must have been for her and her dad. He stopped talking to me over it, can’t really blame him looking at it with a straight frame of mind.

alt80

Should be looking forward to my Friday and weekend ahead but I’m not feeling great- this past week I have been lucky when I’ve had 5 hours sleep and I know I need more. I’ve discovered that it’s all well and good acknowledging/ checking in on the energy levels and trying to adjust the day accordingly but it’s also done what I feared and why I never started in the first place- I can feel things piling up and staying in the to do box. 

Keep hoping for a day when I don’t feel whacked but it never comes then I wonder if I could have got my sleep/ energy levels sorted how things would be better. 

On a different note I have just finished reading Animal Farm to my son. No idea how we got to this age ha but I’m glad he likes books and will let me read to him still. I really dread the day when he wants to stop.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@Cherryfudge ha better late than never. 

@Baileys_Babe I don’t mind really. It’s nice to see her off her phone tbh. 

I’m definitely ready for a break. Have a long weekend before so there’s another thing to look forward to. 

@RelievedSheff we’re trying our best to stay in a better frame of mind. I wasn’t well today with lack of sleep and something the pros have been trying to get me to acknowledge is how much energy I have. Writing down the 2/10 made me accept I’ll have better days without getting angry or anxious about it. Usually when I’m like that I still have cravings to an extent, realised I didn’t at all through accepting things for what they are writing my journal this evening.

Where you off to for Easter?


Still need to catch up on the diaries but going to bed- hopefully for a better sleep.

We are heading to North Norfolk for Easter.

Hoping for some weather like this (but it's a bank holiday n the UK so it won't be  )

Humdinger1

The day your son wants to stop you reading to him is the day he can start reading to you. Maybe you could jointly start a list of  ooks he'd like to read with you? You're doing brilliantly love Humdinger x

Cherryfudge

What a great idea @Humdinger1! I'd say you could ease into that starting now: obviously something at a level that doesn't overstretch him. If he can cope with Animal Farm, that gives you plenty of scope. You may also be aware that Kindle has lots of classic children's literature for only pence once it's gone out of copyright, which can save room in your suitcase when you are on holiday, and introduce him to a thousand alternative worlds.

ryanm8655

Hi mate,

Long time no check-in - must've been years since I came on this forum.

Glad to see you are still on the wagon.

I've come back as I decided to move out of London temporarily to save money, suddenly I've decided to buy a place having realised just how much further my money goes.

How is the debt free journey going? A quick peruse tells me you've paid off your card debts? Your son must be pretty grown up by now...

Anyway - I'll catch up with your diary properly soon but thought I would say hello!

warby68

Hope you don't mind me popping in with a hello. I've often wondered how you were getting on and I hope its all good.

ryanm8655

Not managed to read everything but I gather you've got rid of the cars and gone full electric?! Never thought I'd see the day ha. How much further to go on the debt free front? Assume not having the cars has helped a lot!

Electric seems to be taking over...

One of my mates has the Porsche Taycan GTS and that is pretty insane...

Another just got a Velar and even that has a battery.

I'm too chaotic for an electric car, I'd forget to charge it all of the time, I'm bad enough with my phone...

I have upgraded my car since moving out of London (had been driving an ancient A4 tdi since my debt free days) but nothing flash, cars have got ridiculously expensive, even used.

alt80

Managed to have an OK weekend, got out of the house a little bit and got some jobs I'd been meaning to do for a while done but sleep has been terrible still idk have to keep as positive as I can when I'm struggling with sleep to state the !!!!!! obvious posting at this time. I need to keep the belief it will improve because the alternative is letting it completely destroy my mental health.
My wife is building up to taking my son to Wales on the bike, he had his first taste of going on a 70mph dual carriageway as a pillion which scared him but he was better today when she took him on the same road. I've made a commitment to going with them in the Mk2. It'll be the furthest I've driven for a very long time but it will mean my son or our friends' kid will be able to have a break from being on the back of the bikes if they want. 

Spent very little money tbh these days I find that can be quite nice in itself, just spending time with my family doing things that cost little.

@RelievedSheff it'll !!!!!! throw it down - my Mrs has cursed the weather now by signing up for the bike trip ha. 

@Humdinger1 thank you. We have a big long list, and sometimes he does read to me. He also reads to my wife everyday, they have to for school as we did when we were that age. 
@Cherryfudge Thank you. We're very aware of the Kindle and also make use of our library which has its own e-book app, hardly ever pay for books tbh.

@ryanm8655 It's great to hear from you mate. I'm made up to hear you have (finally) decided to get on the ladder. Even if you decide to head back to London, you'll at least have an asset to let / sell as you choose. Have you started looking for a place yet or are you saving your deposit up?

In some ways time has been kind to me and in others it really hasn't been. On the positive side my marriage is stronger than ever and I don't have any personal debt save for c.£513k in my home mortgage. We moved house since the last time we spoke and it's resulted in additional debt. On the not so positive side my mental health has been terrible, I didn't want to be here for the majority of last year and tbh the only thing which kept me here was knowing I've failed to provide adequate provisions for my wife and son. I'm trying to get better but idk my mental health has been awful for years now, it got to the point I was continually having panic attacks, just really unwell. Managing to keep myself together enough to run my business has been !!!!!! difficult. You hear about these !!!!!! miraculous recovery stories all the time but I know that's not guaranteed now and it can be !!!!!! years of mental torture frankly. A woman on here told me it took her husband about 5 years and a few people I know through my second stay at the rehab have said similar. I keep off it because the alternative just isn't an option.

Car wise the original electric car has gone back so we have the EQE and we also have a Mk2 Jag. I don't really drive anymore if I can get away with it. I rear ended a little car in my last Range Rover and it just !!!!!! set me off. Got to the point my wife stopped me from surrendering my licence back to the DVLA last year. I've been having therapy for OCD and it's helped, so I am driving a bit more again now. No !!!!!! choice in less than a month so I better get used to it ha.
Probably won't have another electric car when the EQE goes back, between the two of them it will have cost £75k in total and nothing to show for it. Tbf it's largely tax free as they have been leased through my business so it's not really comparing apples with apples but it still seems like a lot of money just !!!!!! up the wall that could have gone into the SSAS I've set up, towards paying the principal on my BTLs or reinvested into a few longer term projects within the business. I'm thinking about either getting a late production 2023ish C-class AMG with as low mileage as possible for us bought personally but it will mean having some element of finance on it not having £45k lying around personally so idk. The other option is buying a new Defender 90 hard top through my business which is classed as a commercial vehicle and categorised as such. They are a lot better than the old ones haha. Anyhow, definitely no longer in the glory days of two supercharged V8s in the garage.

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Managed to have an OK weekend, got out of the house a little bit and got some jobs I'd been meaning to do for a while done but sleep has been terrible still idk have to keep as positive as I can when I'm struggling with sleep to state the !!!!!! obvious posting at this time. I need to keep the belief it will improve because the alternative is letting it completely destroy my mental health.
My wife is building up to taking my son to Wales on the bike, he had his first taste of going on a 70mph dual carriageway as a pillion which scared him but he was better today when she took him on the same road. I've made a commitment to going with them in the Mk2. It'll be the furthest I've driven for a very long time but it will mean my son or our friends' kid will be able to have a break from being on the back of the bikes if they want. 

Spent very little money tbh these days I find that can be quite nice in itself, just spending time with my family doing things that cost little.

@RelievedSheff it'll !!!!!! throw it down - my Mrs has cursed the weather now by signing up for the bike trip ha. 

@Humdinger1 thank you. We have a big long list, and sometimes he does read to me. He also reads to my wife everyday, they have to for school as we did when we were that age. 
@Cherryfudge Thank you. We're very aware of the Kindle and also make use of our library which has its own e-book app, hardly ever pay for books tbh.

@ryanm8655 It's great to hear from you mate. I'm made up to hear you have (finally) decided to get on the ladder. Even if you decide to head back to London, you'll at least have an asset to let / sell as you choose. Have you started looking for a place yet or are you saving your deposit up?

In some ways time has been kind to me and in others it really hasn't been. On the positive side my marriage is stronger than ever and I don't have any personal debt save for c.£513k in my home mortgage. We moved house since the last time we spoke and it's resulted in additional debt. On the not so positive side my mental health has been terrible, I didn't want to be here for the majority of last year and tbh the only thing which kept me here was knowing I've failed to provide adequate provisions for my wife and son. I'm trying to get better but idk my mental health has been awful for years now, it got to the point I was continually having panic attacks, just really unwell. Managing to keep myself together enough to run my business has been !!!!!! difficult. You hear about these !!!!!! miraculous recovery stories all the time but I know that's not guaranteed now and it can be !!!!!! years of mental torture frankly. A woman on here told me it took her husband about 5 years and a few people I know through my second stay at the rehab have said similar. I keep off it because the alternative just isn't an option.

Car wise the original electric car has gone back so we have the EQE and we also have a Mk2 Jag. I don't really drive anymore if I can get away with it. I rear ended a little car in my last Range Rover and it just !!!!!! set me off. Got to the point my wife stopped me from surrendering my licence back to the DVLA last year. I've been having therapy for OCD and it's helped, so I am driving a bit more again now. No !!!!!! choice in less than a month so I better get used to it ha.
Probably won't have another electric car when the EQE goes back, between the two of them it will have cost £75k in total and nothing to show for it. Tbf it's largely tax free as they have been leased through my business so it's not really comparing apples with apples but it still seems like a lot of money just !!!!!! up the wall that could have gone into the SSAS I've set up, towards paying the principal on my BTLs or reinvested into a few longer term projects within the business. I'm thinking about either getting a late production 2023ish C-class AMG with as low mileage as possible for us bought personally but it will mean having some element of finance on it not having £45k lying around personally so idk. The other option is buying a new Defender 90 hard top through my business which is classed as a commercial vehicle and categorised as such. They are a lot better than the old ones haha. Anyhow, definitely no longer in the glory days of two supercharged V8s in the garage.

Exactly it re: asset. Initially was going to go for a flat by the train station (there's a direct train to St Pancras in 45 mins) but decided to spend more and had an offer accepted on a nice 3 bed bungalow in a small market town. Needs a new bathroom and kitchen ideally but a decent size and perfectly liveable as is. Was amazed how cheap it is. Will do a 2-year fix and then reassess then. Do miss London but it's just too tempting to get into bad habits with partying, rents are insane and I was finding it impossible to save any money...plan was to live with family for a bit and move back in 6 months - a year but like it more than I expected and it keeps me out of trouble.

Amazing work on the debt!! Well done!! And even better work on the sobriety. Sorry to hear re: mental health side but can understand where you are coming from to some extent. The therapy will help, been there myself and it made a big difference to my life but was hard and still slip from time to time. Life eh... Can slightly relate to the driving license, learned I need to pay my solicitors £40 for the privilege of paying them and made me want to sack off the whole house buying thing out of principle ha.

Not been in one but do quite like the look of those EQEs! But can understand the pain of the opportunity cost of £75k but cars are bloody expensive these days...you've done so well to clear the debt, I wouldn't beat yourself up about the odd luxury. Always wanted a C63AMG but they are now a thing of the past unless go for a very old one - the engine noise... Quite like the new defenders too - they look really cool from the outside.

How is the new house? Characterful?