Moving on with things

Willowtree222

Sounds like a lovely day out.

The male role model thing is important and he has a multitude of males around him. You pointed out the teachers etc so don't over think that. There's always something in society that people focus on. You know my line of.work, so please be assured when I say you don't need to worry about it. 

alt80

@Willowtree222 the best day I’ve had in ages. Weather was on our side. Great company, car behaved and we got lots of photos. When I get chance over the next couple of days I’ll get a few printed for my wife’s birthday. 

I just want him to have every chance despite the stats and research about children of addicts. It !!!!!! breaks me to know how I used to be. I do everything I can to try to be a good dad to him and have for a number of years but there’s been times when my mental health has been really bad that all I’ve managed is reading to him each night. He knows that I have times when I’m not well and I always point him to better examples than me but it won’t ever stop worrying me that he will see me as a role model because I know he does from things that he’s said and it’d be damaging for him to hear all the reasons why he needs to look elsewhere. 

Willowtree222

You're comparing yourself to a different level of addict. 
I know you're an addict but the level.of you and the addicts you are reading.about is different. 

Would you steal your kids bike to pay for drugs?
Would you sell their clothes to get high?

Yes, you are a recovering addict but the addicts that the statistics refer to are the ones that directly do those things. 

warby68

What you and your wife are building now is fantastic @alt80 for all 3 of you, not least mixing with good people doing good things. You don't have to BE everything for your son but you can open doors to a million things for him. Mrs A seems like a different person to the one crying because it rained somewhere, obviously it wasn't really about the rain. She is leading the way like a trooper at the moment, re-shaping her own life now Junior is growing up and one of the big things you are doing is saying YES to her ideas, even when its hard on the mindset at first, like the driving/biking day.

You know deep down you have to be in it to win it and the wins are coming slowly but surely. I hope they keep coming and speed up a bit too. I love the idea of you being support driver to two new bikers in your vintage sports car btw.

alt80

Finally had a decent nights sleep last night. Possibly a bit too much of a good nights sleep at 10 hours ha. Idk will be going to bed after writing this hopefully get 7 and try to bring the bedtime back a little earlier tomorrow. Honestly think it’d be a game changer for me if I can ever sort it out. I’m either hopelessly optimistic to think it could happen or just !!!!!! need to have a bit of faith and discipline haha.

@Willowtree222 I do know where you are coming from but it still worries me. I just want the absolute best for my wife and son and find it very difficult to forgive myself. It’s something that I am working to overcome because feeling worthless is not good for me or my family. 

@warby68 recently I think there is more to life than business. The only worth I have ever had has been tied to the success or otherwise of my business interests. I had to do some work with the pros at the end of last year/ start of this which really cemented my previous thoughts in recovery that I wanted to spend more time with my family alongside my business interests so that’s what I’m doing with my wife’s blessing. 

My wife returned to the pros herself because she was struggling last year when I was ill tbf listening to me last year couldn’t have been easy. We’ve had sessions together too. We were no where close to the darkest days of our relationship but it’s all part of our promise to each other to work on our marriage everyday. It’s not something we keep from our son and tbh I hope that he will see that when things are tough the best thing to do is to seek help and not give up when things are hard. Equally I’d tell him to run a !!!!!! mile from someone like me I can’t forgive myself for the way I was in my marriage which caused a lot of upset and the fact that I only learned what love really is when she stood by me at my lowest. 

I know she deserves so much better than me and I can never make up for the past but I want to support her in any small way I can and try to give back in some small way. Doing her bike test has been amazing for her. 

RelievedSheff

Can't wait to hear about your trip. It sounds like it will be great fun.

alt80

Can’t believe it’s Friday tomorrow or that we’re almost half way through April. This week has been smashing so far. Weather has been unreal and we’ve had a great mix of business and family time. Spending time with my wife and son is something that I am very grateful for and honoured to have. Three years ago I was in a world of pain and putting my family through it too. This week I am thinking when the effort has been made, I wonder if time can actually be a healer. 

We’ve spent a bit too much tbh but my wife wanted to use some of her earned income to pay for a few days we hadn’t planned. I didn’t think it would affect me as much as it has but nobody has ever given me anything financially whenever she has bought me presents it’s been my earnings buying it. I had hoped that she might be motivated to earn a bit towards her list. It never even crossed my mind she would spend some of it on our family but her choosing to spend some of the money she has earned on our family time has just been mind blowing I’m so proud of her and definitely don’t deserve her.

@RelievedSheff we are all really looking forward to it now. Working on the OCD/ anxiety therapy outside of the sessions has really helped me and I’ve managed to actually enjoy driving again. Rather than seeing my boy turning into a little petrolhead and being !!!!!! heartbroken we’ve managed to have a lot of fun this Easter.

PollyWollyDoodle

Great to hear this - you have really turned a corner.  So pleased for you 

Baileys_Babe

This is so lovely to hear.

warby68

That's all so good to hear.

Your wife will be proud of her earnings - I understand her wanting to share. Its all good.

You are bringing out the best in each other now.