Moving on with things

alt80

I have been sticking with the basics over this week. There have been ups and downs but I’m glad that I have managed a little more sleep and to keep myself in check engaging with the pros and the healthy, basic habits. Yesterday the happiness calendar was to do something for your local community- I made sure I ate lunch at a small independent cafe and bought my staff coffee from there. I also spoke to my wife about her perhaps doing some voluntary work. 

Friday today, finishing work at lunch and really looking forward to it. I’ve been sticking with putting my family time first and it is as good as I remember. Also been dealing with the house as a team with my wife. I started having some awful thoughts when we were leaving our old home that carried on here basically that I felt I was contaminating our home environment and it triggered obsessive cleaning. My hands have been an absolute !!!!!! mess for about 18 months from all the chemicals. I need to deal with it, continuing to live my life like that is no good and no example.

Thank you all unfortunately our “local” MAG is Buxton which is a !!!!!! mission away. I will respond properly later, fair bit to finish off before 12 and a few things I want to actually think about before just freaking out over it ha - the finance suggestion lol. 

Paydaypayback

Hi, I have been following your diary for a long time and it's amazing to see the progress you have made Never commented previously and just been a lurker.

I was once a workaholic spending every minute I could in the office. I was routinely working 100 hour weeks (I had a very well paid job in 'the City') but I was sat at my desk one Friday evening with a wife and 4 month old daughter at home and it suddenly hit me - what was I doing. Within 3 weeks I had quit the job and moved onto a less 'stressful' path which I am sort of still on.

What I am getting at is that it appears you were much the same and you have made massive progress in the work/life balance which is fantastic. I can second a lot of people on here that money/work isn't everything. I don't dispute it helps but for me no longer at the sacrifice of family time - always more money but no money in the world can buy time.

Unfortunately things financially didn't work out very well for me and I lost a massive amount of money over COVID time and ended up massively in debt - hence the start of my debt journey. 

I read that you are now at the end of your journey and its great to see it can be done and things are much more positive for you. 

alt80

Had a good weekend- tried to stay off the screens as much as possible. It stops me from checking emails. We didn’t do too much, enjoyed lunch on Friday and went out to a different place for brunch on Saturday with both my wife and son. Sunday I did a bit of cooking. We often have a roast but we weren’t hungry enough and hadn’t been shopping either ha. My wife and I planned some nice meals for the coming week, I can’t deal with chicken salad everyday and she doesn’t want to lose weight. We were both sad to see Facebook peddling advertisements for those !!!!!! ozempic jabs to my wife within a few hours of joining a healthy recipe group. Absolutely disgusting behaviour imo. Anyway I am quite refreshed, slept ok and ready for the week ahead. 4 days as I’m off Friday. 

@warby68 unfortunately the naysayers were mostly her siblings/ siblings-in-law and her parents. Can’t say I am on best terms with them rn, not just for that but I really noticed how quick they are to tell her what she can and can’t do based on no frame of reference whatsoever. No !!!!!! wonder she has only just started going for things she wants in her late thirties.

@warby68 / @RelievedSheff I was quite surprised by my wife’s response to me talking through her taking out some finance for the bike. She suggested that she could pay it by doing nails which pretty much knocked me out of my chair ha. Her workings for taking = profit were not great and she was a bit upset when I asked her to work out the real numbers but came around when I showed her how much money my business has to make before we see any of it. 

@Willowtree222 thank you. I have given myself a good !!!!!! shake and accept they are friends. The pair of them are planning to do bikemaster 1 in the summer if he has saved up enough. 

@ladyholly she has had mixed messages from the bike shops. Fortunately our friends with the classic cars have had bikes for years and years. Both him and his Mrs ride. They think the one that my wife wants is sensible. They are both very steady even in cars. Enjoy the interest in a very different way tbf I think they have the right idea, I wish that I could start enjoying it again but like they do, just taking it easy.

@Paydaypayback hi mate, thanks for commenting. I really wish I’d have taken a different path when my boy was 4 months although my business was still growing at a decent rate and tbf I wasn’t in that headspace. I found that thinking the only positive aspect of you is a business (or job) really messes with your head. I recognise that I was ill a long time before I sought help and now it is a real battle to get better. With hindsight I’d have invested in support for my mental health as far back as possible unfortunately I didn’t see I wasn’t well because I was ok in business.

I don’t feel that I am really close to the end of my journey- I have no credit card debt which still feels surreal but significant mortgage debt and a load of leveraged property that I am very slowly unpicking. I realise how much of my lack of self worth is tied to feeling that I don’t have enough money/ access to money/ earnings/ revenue although this has gone on for so long that I can’t get control over the places my mind goes. In that sense if you truly understand that money is just a tool and how much you have access to or otherwise should not completely !!!!!! with your head, you are further along the journey.

alt80

Meant to say the happiness calendar is go to bed in good time and recharge. That is a nice reminder and very true that sleep can have a real negative (or positive) impact on mood no matter your age, it’s not just kids.

Paydaypayback

Hi, I can imagine having no credit card, loans is a bit of a surreal feeling. In one way or another I have had one or both of these since I was 18 and eligible so I would love to be clear personally. Its a great position you are in. Business assets aside i understand reference the mortgage debt but I see this form of debt as unavoidable (for most people) and a part of life, credit cards are more of a choice in most cases.

From reading your diary it clear to see you have a lovely family, nice home and a business that a lot of hard work has gone into but is now providing the rewards and (hopefully you see) a good lifestyle compared to some if not most people. In a way I understand the wanting to get to the next level as you mention it but I can categorically say there is always a next level and only you can decide when comfortable and happy with your lot. I have a good friend who is in the billionaire club (inherited wealth) and I can tell you now there are things he would like but still can't have or get. For me personally as long as you have a dry warm place to sleep, food on the table and enough money to live a reasonable lifestyle you are winning in life and you tick all these boxes. 

alt80

I’ll be sticking to the new bedtime routine, somehow managing to sleep. Rn it feels like a miracle! 

Realised this morning that the news can make me really anxious. I probably shouldn’t have read about Trump’s plans as I think they are treating the rest of the world as puppets and especially the UK. America always has to some degree in my lifetime but it seems to have intensified and there is something about Elon Musk that makes my skin crawl and it’s not pure jealousy over the wealth he has amassed ha. 

@Paydaypayback I’ve been the same re debt, never really been out of it. Fwiw I agree that the mortgages are not the same although they are still monies owing amassing interest. The property only bothers me because of the attached personal guarantees. Perhaps I have joined the Dave Ramsey philosophy club more than I realise as whilst I still don’t have an extreme view on finance in general I do understand the concept of being shackled to the financial institutions and slave to them - I’ve been there and still are there. I found myself making poorer and poorer decisions and choices tbf a lot was related to having problems with addiction but now I see what I didn’t then.

I am working to get into your mindset as I do recognise mine is destructive and know it is never ending. I’m not ungrateful for what I do have tbf I know that I am fortunate and in a good place but even writing that is hard because there is still a push for more and equally my head telling me that I deserve nothing but getting to the next level will be the best thing for my family. It isn’t, them having me not in a state of poor mental health and stress is. The same goes for you mate; you 100% have the right mindset. 

RelievedSheff

I think your wife might pleasantly surprise you if you let her take charge of her own finances a little.

Glad to hear that you have been doing a bit better.

daisy_1571

musk also makes my skin crawl

Dxx

ladyholly

I think Elon Musk mak a lot of people skin crawl. He appears to be a very odd character all round.

Paydaypayback

@alt80 I know what you mean about the news making you anxious. I have totally switched off from it to be honest - very rarely anything good to listen to so I have removed myself from it. My old job required me to be fully upto date with world affairs so I always kept a keen eye on what was going on, thankfully I no longer need to do so.

The world has, unfortunately, become a much more dangerous place over the last decade or so. I grew up in the 80s and never recall it being as bad, although I do wonder if it's always been like that and we just never heard (much easier now with social media, Internet and everything being accessible now on our phones etc). I have a teen daughter and I am genuinely worried for her future.

Anyway closer to home thanks for your comments on the mindset, I believe I am now in the right mindset to clear this debt. Not always been the case, I think I was a lot like you were in the past. I earnt well and if we wanted anything we just bought it but never considered the consequences. I am still fortunately in the position of being a relatively high earner, if not I would have been sunk and lost it all. Thankfully I have managed to limit the consequences to a whole load of defaults on my credit record which isn't great but could have been a lot worse.