Moving on with things

RelievedSheff

We all believe you can do this Alt.

Enjoy your lunch with your wife this afternoon and let yourself have some downtime.

Baileys_Babe

We believe you are strong enough to do this.

Enjoy your lunch with your wife, do the most important things this weekend being with your family, making each other smile and hopefully laughing. In the past you have enjoyed going for walks, playing games, watching films and cooking with your son, do one or two of these over the weekend and enjoy yourself.

crunchy_time

Been away for a while but so pleased to catch up on your diary and see that you are debt free! Congratulations- very well deserved!!! I’m so pleased for you and Mrs Alt!!

and how exciting to think about the next step -it’s very strange to get to this point as it is all you dream about for many years and then you think you know what you will do when you get there but then it arrives and it just feels so overwhelming.

because it is overwhelming. 

I wonder whether to take the pressure off you at the moment you continue to just ‘slush’ the money that you would be paying off debt into a savings pot that you can access and just give yourself some breathing room and the dust to settle so to speak whilst you and your wife adjust, have the conversations that you need to and adjust to this new normal for you. 

The money can build up whilst you enjoy being debt free and you can gradually decide what your next steps are. It won’t go anywhere and might earn some interest for you whilst you relax into this moment and you and Mrs Alt get your ducks in a row for the next steps.

its a big moment and I feel you need time to just contemplate where you are at and gather yourself before moving forward so pretend you are still paying off debt for now and whatever you need to do next as a team will rise from you at some point and you can take action.

but very well done!! Take this time as you deserve it xx

alt80

Thank you for the support. Started writing this late Saturday (Sunday morning really ha) and just fell asleep. Yesterday I didn’t even wake up until lunchtime.
We managed to get out for lunch Friday and ate well off-plan. I am trying to lose the same !!!!!! 3kg I haven’t been able to get rid of for the past 2-3 years. Anyhow we’ve decided we’re going back next week. The restaurant is so close to my office and our home, when we first moved here we used to walk down for brunch all the time. We both said we missed it at the same time lol so need to try to make an effort again. Tbf, living so close to town we really ought to try to make an effort a bit more, we have a lot of good independent restaurants (and cafes) locally.

After lunch we went to see some bikes without our son bothering my wife so she can have a look at them in peace. Part of me is a bit envious ha. She was worried they are going to cancel her test with the weather being as it was on Saturday. It is forecast to get warmer next week so she should be fine.

I’ve told her I’m struggling to deal with even the idea of any larger expense / purchase. The thought of either having to save up for it or go back into debt to buy things on credit fills me with dread. I know it comes right in the round but the thought of any large purchase is !!!!!! tripping me off. I’d tried to just keep quiet about it but I wish I hadn’t - she was really kind about it when I told her I’m really struggling with the idea of buying things on credit but equally I feel so !!!!!! guilty making her wait for things on her list whilst I save up for them. The way I’d handled not being able to click the button to transfer our usual income from my business to our personal account wasn’t the best, she thought I was just being a !!!!!! for the sake of it. I see money as safe if it is not in my personal accounts and unsafe if it is - I know I’m thinking in the right way. 


@warby68I know I’m not really addressing the demons currently, and I’ve got a few things going on business wise too that are causing a lot of stress. However, it doesn’t take much working out I can’t carry on like this. I’ve had to seek medical attention for injuries I’ve caused myself. I know it’s not healthy and not something that I want my son is thinking is OK. I reengaged with the pros properly middle of last week and my wife is back to babysitting the amount of time I spend at the office.

@katsu thank you. I hope that one day I can see things in that way too. I’d like to think I’ve learned something from nearly 20 years in business that in some instances giving up is not an option. The challenges I’m facing with my mental health I think is one of those instances. 

@maggiem / @RelievedSheff / @Baileys_Babe thanks all. Idk why I cannot do what I’d do for anyone else and cut myself some slack. However, it’s not doing me or my family any favours I do know that. @Baileys_Babe I should try to plan something for this weekend. I’m on orders to finish work Friday lunchtime for the rest of this month. 

@crunchy_time Thank you, as !!!!!! miserable as I seem rn, I am really quite over the moon not to have outstanding card balances to pay anymore. End of an era and should be one of the steps to moving on to a more sustainable future. 

I think you are right about what I really should be doing with the money rather than trying to leave it safe. I see not within my personal finances as safe. My wife made me laugh she asked me what she thought my staff would do if they had surplus money - they wouldn’t ask me to leave it in my business. Whilst it isn’t the same I did kind of get where she was coming from tbf. 

Baileys_Babe

It's good to hear from you Alt, lovely to hear you and your wife enjoyed your meal. Could the pair of you make going out for lunch together on a Friday a regular thing ?

Why are you limiting finishing work Friday lunchtime to this month?

I'm pleased to hear you are back engaging with the professionals, this will make such a difference in the long term.

You come across as loving, caring thoughtful and generous, be kinder to yourself and treat yourself how you would treat others.

warby68

Very glad to hear you've re-engaged @alt80

I'm sorry its so tough but these things have got you back on an even keel before. You can do it again, especially with Mrs Alt in your corner.

alt80

I’ve paid out the money from last month to our personal account and my wife has set up a savings account just in her name which is where it will go until she gets her bike. I’ve also asked her if she will agree to c25% of the monthly surplus thereafter going towards the io part of my mortgage for our home. She wants me to work towards getting it paid so she is ok with that. I would like her to have the rest but I am holding off telling her that until she’s bought the bike and been speaking to the pros about her list so she will hopefully make good choices with having the additional money.

I can’t give up trying although I fear I have !!!!!! up my son’s future already and all I want for him is the best. I was staying up for days at the office reading about brain development in kids and the impact of having a !!!!!! up for a dad like me, idk if I could turn back the clock I would. I didn’t know that they can be damaged even before they are born through cortisol levels in the womb. No amount of reading to him is going to change that, those early years, and drawing the short straw of getting me for a dad. It !!!!!! breaks me. The school and health pros disagree but I think he needs to be tested - very little work ethic, he won’t sit still for very long, and is average across the board at school. My wife won’t listen to what I’ve read and the notes I made because I wasn’t in the best state of mind and says I need to commit to stopping reading the health journals and books for good.

@Baileys_Babe that was my original plan. For a few months I literally worked when my son was at school and stopped at lunchtime on Friday as I was recommended to keep my stress levels down. I really wish I could have stuck to it tbf I was a lot better and wasn’t struggling to stay on the path. Time with my family was amazing and I wasn’t preoccupied with obsessive thoughts and cravings. Unfortunately my head got in the way, I felt I ought to be able to do more, was letting my family down not striving for more and I neglected what I was meant to be doing to deal with the problem in the first place. 

@warby68 I know that I can’t give up and I won’t. I pray every time I won’t have another set back and that I can get on track for good. Unfortunately I think the pros are right that you have to do it for yourself and not just for others no matter how much you love them - that’s the barrier I have.

alt80

I’m back to doing action for happiness with my family and parents in law. Today’s is to eat healthy food that nourishes you. Think I can tick that off. We went to school for breakfast and are having chicken and veg soup with sourdough toast for lunch and a homemade pizza with salad today. Everyone apart from parents with kids at my son’s school is always bewildered by breakfast ha but it’s really good. 

Actually looking forward to finishing work at lunchtime on Friday today too.

alt80

Actually realised something last night after writing on here about the shorter working hours. Those months were some of the happiest of my life and everyone is telling me that I get one life and that I deserve my family and happiness. I’ve had a much better nights sleep and those days I worked to keep business going to live rather than lived for it and waiting to die I was a lot better, free from the obsessions and actually my family were happier too. I actually wasn’t really that worried about money or the future.

PollyWollyDoodle

Well, that sounds like a ‘lightbulb’ moment!  Really good to hear you sounding more positive, and having some discussions with your wife. These are all obstacles you pass on the road, sometimes you don’t even realise you’re climbing but I think you’ll look back and realise you have climbed a mountain over the past couple of years.