Moving on with things

lucielle

Hope you have a good one. 

L

alt80

Thank you @daisy_1571 @Willowtree222 @lucielle
Hope everyone had a good one.

We’ve had a nice day, it’s been very quiet but that was needed after the past week or so. We all chipped in with cooking but just had a roast chicken as it was just the three of us. I’ve been relatively restrained with the amount of food I’ve eaten for once, not had too much to drink, just shared a bottle of wine. Really don’t miss boozy and over indulgent Christmases when we used to have all the in-laws around. Round 2 tomorrow, we are having pork, Greek style and my sister and her family are coming up for the day. My parents are cooking the same meal so we’re having FaceTime cooking and lunch. It won’t be so quiet ha.

This year we did something you want, something you need, something to eat and something to read. My sister was happy to agree to that and for us to buy as a family for each other. We also donated a little to unicef. 

I asked my wife about the list this afternoon and if it is all still so important now she’s not following Dubai housewives. I didn’t push it but I am trying to keep her thinking after someone we met in Lapland had my back over the whole Dubai housewives thing. He’d been working in Dubai the last few years and my wife was telling them she’d have seriously thought about an Arab man if she was 20 again. This was after boring them for 20 minutes with every !!!!!! minute detail of the bike test which they didn’t need. The other mum told her if she was one of those Dubai housewives she could forget doing the bike test. It seemed to make her think. Idk, she’s agreed to talk it through with the pros and has admitted the list got way out of hand and not what was originally intended so some progress from my pov anyway.

warby68

I'm always first awake here so having a quiet coffee and a morning browse and your post was first @alt80 and i'm glad it was.

You have truly earned this quiet but perfect Christmas. I love the facetime family cook-in. , your thoughtful gift giving and the progress with your wife especially a bit more help from the pros ( what an unexpected perk of the Lapland trip). 

Merry Christmas to all the Alts .

Lonelygambler

Merry Christmas I hope Rn2 goes well for
you all. 

RelievedSheff

Happy New Year Alt.

Hope you all had a good one and wishing you all the best for 2025.

alt80

@warby68 ha I’d probably be a lark if I could get to sleep in the first place. The odd day I manage to sleep before midnight I wake up at 5.30am without an alarm and ready to face the day. Unfortunately I can’t get to sleep in the first place ha.

@warby68 @Lonelygambler @RelievedSheff  Thank you, too late for Merry Christmas but Happy New Year. We had a great day on the 26th apart from my sister and her husband trying to persuade me to pay for them to come on a trip to Italy with our parents at the same time as boasting about no longer having a mortgage on their home.

My parents also have decided they want to go on some !!!!!! 4 week trip around Central Europe this summer and it would be ‘good for our son to experience some new countries’ with them (good for me to !!!!!! pay or it won’t happen lol).

I was meant to not be in the office until tomorrow but I’ve been back at work since the 28th. Things aren’t great between my wife and I because I can’t face paying out of my business to give us a personal surplus of money and we were meant to be planning this coming year but I can’t face the money being spent. I know it’s !!!!!! dumb and I know it’s my fault but I can’t face it. 

Willowtree222

I think your mindset has changed significantly and that is what the difficulty is. You know what you want, your wife has a very different view, so is it the conversation and fall out afterwards (feelings of guilt) that you don't want to face? 

Unfortunately, that conversation will happen and she has surprised you in the past, so might do again. When faced with difficult conversations, I have a script in my head snd keep reverting back to it. 
X

alt80

@Willowtree222 you’re probably right tbf, I don’t want to have a conversation with her just to feel ten times worse and end up where I was a few months ago. 

FWIW I’d like to have a lifestyle too but can’t deal with the thought of not being able to put my wife and son into a good place once I’m gone. None of us know when that will be but I don’t think I will be around to see my state pension. I did go for a full body scan a few months back and none of the medical pros have told me there are any signs of significant disease. Basically told me that going back in five years would be fine and I’ll leave it two but we still don’t know. I am behind with where I need to be and chances are my wife will probably see 100 and I hope she and my son do. 

warby68

Happy New Year @alt80

I'm sorry you're so stuck about the disposable income. Hiding away working when you aren't even supposed to be at work is a trait of old and not great for your relationships as you know.

Is it really beyond you to have a 'what the heck' moment for January and just split the 2k between you as a start? Its only my layperson's view but I think you might be putting a lot at risk relationship - wise after doing so well, both of you. We know she spirals when you go off like this. Can the pros help you have a discussion together - I'm not clear whether she knows the strength of your fears for the future? Whatever, I do think you need to get off the fence and engage. Do remember whatever you decide for January doesn't have to be for any longer than that. You can just try something on for size and see what it feels like compared to what you expected it to. You've pushed through similar fears on holidays and driving and engaging with your son and parents again and reaped the rewards. 

Also you really enjoyed planning your year last time and when it comes to it, your wife chooses holidays over things which is a good sign.

Try and get back in the game as you have before.

backinbusiness

Hi @alt80. I've followed and subscribed to your diary for ages now. You've done so, so well and you should be proud of yourself in the way you've overcome so many challenges. I know it's not been easy. I lost my parents young - I was 14 when my father died and 20 when my mother died. And I'm a proper, functioning (sort of lol), rounded adult. It's also given me a very pragmatic approach to life, but mainly this - worrying about the future only takes from today - that's not to say some essential planning shouldn't happen of course. None of us know what's ahead of us but you have given yourself and your family the very best chance to succeed and enjoy in the here and now. Keep on keeping on - you've got this. Best wishes BiB x