Moving on with things

daisy_1571

alt80 said:

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@warby68 I’m having a lot of trouble with the idea of surplus money sitting in our personal accounts. The thought of it makes me feel sick, I’m afraid that I can’t be trusted with money if it is out of my business and it seems to me both safer to have not taken it in the first place and better for my family’s future which I am behind with and idk what time I have left. 

I won’t take a wrong step if it never comes close to my personal accounts. On the flip side I would love to be able to give more to my wife and son and also pay off our home. Idk I do need to sort my head out with this and am paying out the usual this month which will mean a surplus. I have asked my wife if it can all just go to the mortgage but she said it’s been a waste if all we have from paying off the cards is paying off another debt. I love her to bits but I don’t think she understands that her future is more important than anything else. I do need to face 2025 personal finances over Christmas but I can’t let it negatively impact my mental health for the coming few days.

@Sun_Addict received with thanks. I do plan to talk to her over the coming few weeks.

To me, that statement is turned upside down.  Its not 'a waste' at all.  Those card debts have now gone.  The mortgage was always another of your joint household debts.  Paying off one or the other,  changes nothing in that sense.  Both lots of debt have to go eventually.   How fortunate you are to be in a position where you can be debating where to put surplus money,  so many families simply have no surplus at all.  Anyhoo,  id always go back to percentage system, set that up and there's no discussion about surplus, it just gets split by the agreed percentage.   In your case, the amount you were paying off the credit card something like - 50% straight to the mortgage,  25% to her, 25% to you but not to your personal account if you don't want it, get it straight away to somewhere you cant access it easily,  a fixed rate saver or some such, when it matures if you still don't want the money you can choose to pay it off mortgage, buy her a present, go a holiday etc.

Lovely to hear you all enjoyed seeing santa, have a good Xmas xxxx

Daisy xx

Cherryfudge

It sounds like a great holiday, and the memories are something to put 'in the bank' for the future for you all.

You so often mention preparing money for your wife and son's future but if they don't understand how to handle it, they could burn through it. One of the difficult things about parenthood (says she, sagely) is preparing our children not to need us, which doesn't mean to say they won't love us or look to us for advice but that they can stand on their own feet. A cash cushion is handy and it seems people are increasingly falling back on the 'Bank of Mum and Dad', but not being able to provide for yourself is worrying.

Anyway, at present that's not the case - your son is a minor and there's money for everyday needs. Could you perhaps aim for the maximum overpayment on the mortgage and spending money for your wife if she won't earn (be aware of the unexpressed insecurities she has about earning, I think you mentioned it was a bad experience in the past), and put any surplus straight into an account where it needs plenty of notice to take it out? Then get your wife involved in watching it grow.

And I hope you all have the best Christmas ever. 

Humdinger1

Happy Christmas everyone! @alt80 I hope that one day soon, you'll appreciate just how impressive your journey has  been and will continue to be.  Ding dong merrily on high! Love to all Humdinger xx 

PollyWollyDoodle

So glad to hear you had a great time.  And that’s what money is for - it’s only worth what you can do with it.  Rather than having it in your own account, maybe start a holiday savings fund so you can give your son more magical experiences. 

I hope you and your family have a great Christmas. 

FootyFanDan

So glad to read that you all had a great time.
I wish you and your family a Merry Xmas

ladyholly

Have a wonderful Christmas. I hope Sainsbury wasn't too awful. You could barely get into ours at 9am yesterday.

Very pleased your trip went well. It will be a lovely memory for the future.

katsu

Enjoy the next few days with your wife and son @alt80. You deserve a wonderful Christmas. You've made great progress as a person and you are a decent person as a manager and a member of our community here. Catch you on the other side! 

alt80

Merry Christmas! No idea if I’ll get chance to log in tomorrow or not. Today was an unexpected 4 hours in the office ha, one of my staff had made a bit of a !!!!!! up. He won’t know until new year as I didn’t need him to sort the issue but he can buy me lunch. Idk we’ve managed to get our shopping done and are ready enough haha. Just the three of us, so it’ll be quiet and I’m 100% not touching anything to do with the business.

@RelievedSheff thank you.

@daisy_1571 thank you. I consider the mortgage debt on our home my own but she is jointly and severally liable so really, you’re right, and it is our debt. I probably don’t need to be overly worried about a surplus sitting around for any real length of time tbf, I have been reminded today that she needs a bike when she passes her test. Actually suggested I could take a directors loan for it and she could pay it back with money from doing nails idk why I did that but she asked me if that means she could have the bike and something else for her birthday fml.

If we do split I think it’ll more likely be 25% mortgage, 75% wife’s spending money. There’s so much she wants and I would like to give her more than I can.

@Cherryfudge thank you and 100%, some great memories for all of us. Some OK photos, could have done better there ha but can’t have it all we were having too much fun.

I worry about the point you’ve raised all the time and update a document regularly detailing what she needs to do. Whether she would action what she reads is beyond me. I’m banned from talking about it because it was something I thought important to discuss a lot over the past year but I have to hold onto some hope she would action what needs to be done rather than just going !!!!!! mad and losing everything we have. I can’t think like that and tbf it’s why I need to stay alive. After the last few weeks the need has been a want and my priority above everything is doing everything I can to build on the last few weeks to get better from a mental health perspective. Slowly listening to ‘When The Body Says No’ on Audible; extremely interesting but also a warning in many ways too.

I took my son to the office, it got him out of the house and my wife managed to get the wrapping done risk free. Gave him a few little jobs to do and he managed to help with some calculations. We talked about how the unit related to others, to my surprise he was actually quite interested and didn’t just sit playing games on his phone. Idk maybe just because he knows he’s got plenty of time for that but it was really amazing, I am so proud, call me easy to please but the best early Christmas gift. Sure it won’t last but I can dream for a day ha.

@Humdinger1 long time no see and thank you. Have a good one.

@PollyWollyDoodle thank you iswyacf although I also want to know they have a secure future too. We set a holiday budget each year. My wife would love more of course ha. Tbf it would be nice but I’d rather the money be going to the right place.

@FootyFanDan / @ladyholly / @katsu Apologies I can’t respond individually, I’m !!!!!! whacked and need to get to sleep but thank you and have a good one. We have plenty of food following the trauma of Christmas Eve shopping haha and @katsu thank you, I would like to think when I put my mind to striving to improve my circumstances I give it a good shot. Although I have been struggling with my mental health and past, over these past few weeks I would like to think there is some hope and I can make inroads into dealing with my emotions. Tbf I felt hardly anything else than really nasty bouts of anger and anxiety both of which were at least in part chemically influenced for years and years; I think getting a full range of emotions has both been a blessing and done a right !!!!!! number on me.

daisy_1571

Merry Christmas alt family,  that sounds a lovely time with your young un

Dxx

Willowtree222

Merry Christmas xx