Moving on with things

alt80

Thanks all, apologies for not being able to respond to all your kind comments. I have been working stupid hours, final push until we break for Christmas and the unplanned for additional work that we've taken on so I am flat out until Lapland. Tbf less time to think. 

My wife is adamant the money we used to pay the card balances off should come to us directly as it has been doing rather than reinvested in the business. She still wants the things on her list, to finish her test she has done the theory much to her amusement. Typical !!!!!! classic from her asking her instructor why no one had told the government a road is a road whether the vehicle has two or four wheels lol idk she makes me laugh. 

One of the rooms at my office has become vacant and I'm trying to persuade her to take it as a nail room but we'll see ha, not holding my breath for that one lol.

I would like the additional cash we have not just to go towards buying the my wife's list. She is aware I want to build a personal sinking fund and start to deal with the interest only mortgage. Not that long until the low rate part will rise too and it is something I want in my future to have paid for my home in full. I know it's something I didn't care about but I've changed. Some (many) ways for the better, some not so much. I hardly recognise myself in some ways, it's been really tough to take a real hard look at myself and deal with the things that were causing me a lot of problems and my family a lot of grief. We're all work in progress though trying to stay on the right path and do the right thing for our families. 

ladyholly

I think if you can persuade you wife to have your spare office it would be good for her even if only a few hours a week. She would have her own money and it might make her realise that money doesn't grow on trees you have to work for it.

I also think that if you dont work towards paying your mortgage or saving to pay the capital it will play on your mind that at some stage you will have to find a large sum of money.

RelievedSheff

I think your wife having the spare room as a nail room is a great idea. A bit of spending money for her that she has earned herself.

We are really looking forward to having our mortgage paid off. The extra cash it will free up each month will make things much easier. Not that I'm counting down but only six years and five months to go  

alt80

Can't sleep tonight, tbf I'm not doing too well with it but just about managing to hold it together. Silly season has well and truly kicked off here; crazy busy with work and a lot of other events, Lapland getting ever closer which we are all really looking forward to. Son's last Christmas in the junior school. He started playing the cello this term alongside his singing and piano. We thought he'd likely have a similar commitment to it as the piano - pretty !!!!!! poor really and we should have stopped spending the money a while back but he's really taken to it like his singing. 

My wife persuaded me to go out with a group of friends this weekend, sort of event I have been avoiding since taking recovery seriously, been really afraid I'd want to stay out and slip up tbf. I was glad I went, although equally glad to have gone home early. Don't want to be around it anymore tbh.

Edging a little closer to payday and trying not to get anxious about it. I am really struggling with the idea of allowing the money out of the business and into our personal account tbh it's making me feel sick thinking about it. Should be buzzing its not going towards card balances I know.

@ladyholly she is thinking about it. I have told her the room doesn't come for free but everything she pays towards the room goes towards her future. My business pays for its rooms too so she understands it. Her problem is she hates being paid for her work. She'll do other girls' nails for free which is crazy imo and wonders why a few of them treat her the way they do taking advantage.

You’re not wrong re my mortgage on my home. I don’t want to be obliged when the time comes to have to find a large lump sum that will likely make a difference in retirement, whatever that looks like. Whilst I don’t think I will entirely give up working, I like spending more time with my wife and son these days. My business is still important to me but it !!!!!! breaks my heart that I put it above my wife and son. Not just when it needed to. Even wrote something on here once about my business being number 1 above all else for me. Knowing I held those views for the vast majority of my adulthood actually really saddens me. Prioritising my family has made me reevaluate things as has a lot of therapy. Idk, I suppose I’m trying to say this needs to feed into how I deal with my finances moving forwards.

@RelievedSheff I agree it would do her good and possibly have less time to be making these !!!!!! ever expanding lists of stuff. However, it upsets her when I’ve told her she could perhaps charge for nails and put the money away towards something on her list. Sometimes she’ll calculate how many sets for whatever’s the priority and it just makes her cry then she starts to see it as pointless which imo it isn’t. Anyone else I’d tell them they need to earn their own money and contribute to their household before even looking at the !!!!!! list, but I love her to bits and just want to give her the world. 

Six years five months, that’s !!!!!! amazing mate. I’ll be absolutely made up for you, hope you're still posting as I can't wait to congratulate you. Doubt any of us will still be posting when I pay mine off haha.

daisy_1571

Goid that she's thought about that technique (of working out how long you had to work to pay for a silly thing that ends up in the back of a cupboard rarely used), its a good one if somebody already has a normal life and job.  The two choices then being work that long and own the item or consider the item not worth your labour.  It doesn't really have a lot of impact if the two choices are I have to start working for that many hours against the money magically appears from elsewhere. 

Against that, I understand the not enjoying charging for providing a service.   I struggled with it when I first set up.  The first few times of getting cash handed to me felt a bit uncomfortable however I grew in confidence that I was providing a genuine service, was worth the money and had earned the right to charge the fee through my own studying/knowledge/skill/etc.  That changed the feeling and I became fine with it.  It became legitimate wages same as any other paid employment i'd had.   

Dxx

alt80

Currently sufficiently busy with work but the background noise of having to deal with either the spare money turning up in my account or an inevitable argument over it with my wife isn’t helping my sleep at all and it is edging closer. A few years back I would have been waiting for this to go and spend it and the rest but I just can’t do it anymore. Equally I’m !!!!!! paranoid that my wife will say she’s had enough. So many news articles about women walking away from marriages that make me think me needing her doesn’t really make a compelling case. Sometimes I just think it’s inevitable that she will want more and actually go after it.

@daisy_1571 tbh I asked her to work it out but regret it because I hate seeing her upset and also I just want the best for her and to be able to provide that. Idk I’m not ungrateful for what I do have I just feel I owe her for not leaving me.

Ikwyacf, don’t think it helps that she likes doing her own thing and the dynamic changing when you charge for a service. Idk she likes the idea of decorating the room etc but is lacking a clear plan to make it work and despite understanding why the business would need to pay rent for the room is upset about that. On reflection I’m not confident the rent will be paid which means that we all miss out in the long run. I don’t have any one else lined up rn so going to leave it until the new year but business is business ultimately.

ladyholly

Why would she want to leave you. You clearly adore her, provide her with a lovely home with a very decent income. She doesnt have to work so has plenty of time to do what she wants rather than what she has to do. There are not many husbands who would give her what you do.

Sarahwithlove

What if you agree to match what she earns from the business as spending money? That way it won't take as long to get there and is a compromise. 

I have to agree she isn't going to leave you, she has a nice life, nice house, someone who adores her and also your son to think about. She would be in for a major reality check if she even tried to. 

warby68

Your wife gets upset whenever the real world encroaches @alt80 doesn't she?

I know you want to spoil her because she has supported you but it does enable her to live in a bubble which can't be great in the long run, especially when you have a son to bring up,  hopefully with reasonable life skills. 

stymied

Whatever you try this month with the money doesn't have to be what you do every month. You could do £1k to your wife for spending, £200 extra for Xmas and £800 off the interest only portion of the mortgage then see how you feel. Probably best to just bite the bullet and make a decision (for this month only, not setting a precedent) so it's not hanging over you x