Moving on with things

stymied

What happened to getting life insurance for everyone in your company, including yourself @alt80?

Is your wife enjoying getting out on her new bike, if that's what you gave her for Christmas?

RelievedSheff

You are both adults Alt. It is probably time to sit down and have that adult conversation about the "excess" money now that the credit card debt is paid off.

mark55man

"worrying about the future only takes from today"

brilliant BIB

alt80

@warby68 ikwyacf, it’s not good for me or for my family in the long run. I’m meant to be cutting the time I spend at work back; I have been trying to do it for a while but it’s been very mixed. Ultimately, you’re right, it does negatively impact my relationships. Although I am more at peace in the moment when I busy myself with work, it serves as a distraction so idk.

My wife thinks I’m just being !!!!!! miserable about the future, she tells me we’ll grow old together and there’s nothing wrong with me that the gym, sorting my sleep and stopping worrying about money once I’m dead won’t solve. I’ve sat her down most weeks to try to get her to understand. She read everything I’ve written once but has refused to read all my further amendments. I need to know my wife will never have to sell our home unless it’s for something better. That is more important than having a bit of fun in the here and now I’m sure you’d agree.

We already had the ‘what the heck’ moment last month going to Lapland and I know I’ll have to buy her some of the things on her list over this year.

@backinbusiness thank you, I have made a start but I need to get to the next level. I have had far too many years spending like a madman unfortunately. 

@stymied I did get a policy for everyone but, for me, it doesn’t even cover the entirety of the outstanding debt on our home. Rn my wife would barely have enough to cover her living expenses from property income. I genuinely don’t think she would be able to live on that and if she found herself in debt which wouldn’t surprise me I don’t know how she would pay it without ending up having to sell property. I just want her to never have to suffer hardship foremost and have her fun thereafter.

She’s getting a bike for her birthday. The test is effectively 4 parts to pass: theory, small bike with the school, big bike off road, big bike road test which is just like a normal driving test. She’s taking the final test next week. Our friends with the old cars have bikes and they’re already planning ride outs. Makes me laugh tbh our friends and my wife didn’t get on that well until we bought the MG off them. He showed her how to drive it as she picked it up and she !!!!!! loved it it’s slow as hell but tbf does have a bit of charm. That will be sold back to them this year - my wife wants us to go with them on two little holidays and the MG is too small so he is going to help her buy a bigger old car. It’s just a reminder I’ve lost one of my only interests outside of work. I !!!!!! hate driving these days and don’t even want a car and there’s my son becoming a massive petrolhead and my wife both happy to indulge him and best mates with my old friends. No doubt I will end up providing money for this as well.

@RelievedSheff being real about it I will have to concede sometime soon and it won’t stay safe.

@mark55man if only life were that simple eh?

ladyholly

Sorry alt I for one don't agree that your house is more important than having fun in the now.  If and it's a big if anything happens to you the rental properties could be sold, she could downsize and even get a job. 
You cannot live in either the past or the future. You have sufficient income to overpay your mortgage and have fun now.  Don't put things off you don't know the future but try to live and have fun now. The future will happen whatever you do and in general that will be the time to deal with it.

warby68

@alt80 No I don't agree that your house, at some imaginary point in the future, is more important than having a quality life now. Sorry but you seem to want to live either in the past or the future as a way to avoid the present and I'll give you a corny cliche here - Do you know why they call it the present? - because its a gift.

Stop treating your wife like a child and perhaps she will stop acting like one. Give her the options and believe her choices.

Don't see it as I have to 'buy her' things from her list (apart from birthdays etc) and allocate some of your joint money to save/spend as she sees fit. Let her make choices and trade offs like normal people. Sure, she'll mess up and possibly whine but you have to get away from seeing her as a dependent idiot (harsh but that's what comes across) and I don't think she really is that daft, certainly not about the long term. She just wants more than she can afford because that's what's she's used to. Best thing surely is for both of you to carry on your paths of progress, not just you. She also has a big family to help her should the worst happen and gradual property appreciation and some measure of debt reduction will see your asset base grow all the time. Who knows, she may not want to stay in the property without you. Was the location her dream as well as yours? You know it attracts a premium. She could buy well elesewhere for less. So many good possibilities as well as bad @alt80.

BTW its good you sorted some life cover - did you sort some for her as well for while your son is dependent?

I  understand that you have some very heavy pressure from your own mental difficulties but it is this you must try to address rather than trying to  make your circumstances fit in with that pressure.

Sorry if this seems unsupportive but its my honest take on things as you describe them. I accept there may be things you do not share. I just want a good life for you all, as a family.

RelievedSheff

When you are older together will you look back and regret the things that you did not do now while you are young, fit and able enough to do them?

stymied

"it doesn’t even cover the entirety of the outstanding debt on our home" sounds like a good target of where you're aiming to get your mortgage debt to in the medium term x

daisy_1571

Agreed, thats an easy (numerical I mean) target.

Dxx

alt80

@ladyholly It is important to me that she should never have to be forced into downsizing and that she should not have to live in worse circumstances. She doesn’t understand, thinks I will be ok and reckons that we won’t need so much money when we are older. I disagree and I just want to put things right rather than wasting money on things that are fun in the moment but all we are left with from them are memories. 

@warby68 that wasn’t easy to read but iswyacf to an extent. The pros and my wife want me working towards addressing the pressures. She !!!!!! hates me when I’m working when I’ve told her I won’t be. 

I want to give my wife the world and hate having to say no to her. I promised her a life that I wasn’t able to deliver and these days I don’t have it in me but to do anything more than keep things steady making small wins where possible. All I bring to the table is my business and I know I need her a lot more than she needs me idk I suppose I do like to think she needs me to provide financially, it makes me think I am at least worth something to her. I hadn’t really thought about it much but in someways I suppose I do treat her in that way and probably shouldn’t. Financial support is about the only thing I wouldn’t need but yes, my wife has cover too.

She loves it here but left to her own devices she would have moved to a semi-rural area so very different ha. What I really hate the thought of is less about her moving and more about her being forced to spend less rather than spend more. I still think from time to time that there might be one last purchase for us. There’s two I quite like on the market now, one which is wholly unrealistic but another that would be possibly doable albeit a massive stretch. However, I could really do without more mortgage debt, it does not fit with what I’m trying to aim for in terms of financial stability and my wife goes !!!!!! mad when she knows I’ve been looking. When we talked about moving she wanted to spend up to what the old place was worth, stretching further wouldn't go down well so I think I’ve bought my last home. 

Fwiw I have a lot of regrets about the way I have spent and wasted money over the years. I have worked out that had I took a minimal amount from my business and invested the rest from day 1 I would be in a very fortunate position rn, my family would be secure, I wouldn’t even have a mortgage on this place, be in a better position with my investment properties and I’m fairly certain I would be in a better state of mind. I wouldn’t have had the money to be able to have let a bad habit completely ruin my mental health had the access to money been locked away from me in the first place. Even now I wonder if this is going to be the day I let it get the better of me again and have to be careful.

@RelievedSheff I don’t want my wife and son to miss out. I know it’s at odds with putting away all I possibly can for them. Idk there’s no good solution is there really?

@stymied @daisy_1571 I’d not even thought about that tbf.