Moving on with things

Scott_Weiland79

alt80 said:

Thanks all. Sorry I don’t have the capacity to respond properly but thanks.

@Scott_Weiland79 I’ve barely been sleeping or functioning. My wife, like you, is always telling me to get to the gym, tbf you are both right.

@mark55man I need to remind myself of that re predictions of the future mate.

@stymied Can’t go into, it’s relating to a former employee. Although, wherever my old “friend” as you call him is, trouble follows, 100% guaranteed whilst he has not turned up on my doorstep since moving, he has turned up to my office. Will never be free, ha.

I can only comment on me Alt80 but I know if I train I am calmer, I will sleep better, I chat with a few people in the gym so its social, and it gives me and my other half that couple of hour break from each other we both wfh. I know your other half is telling you to go for the right reasons. I have being poorly the last 2-3 weeks and I am edgy/jittery/panicky and dont feel me when I dont go,so I do get it.

Doing that small step will help you. I would just go, put some music on your phone you like, and even if you just do 15-20 mins cardio, have a shower come home.

You know all the stuff I can say re endorphines, self esteem, energy, better sleep, body operating more efficient etc etc 

alt80

What a !!!!!! miserable day the weather has made it today! I’ve tried to get up and just get on with things, some negative thoughts have come and gone, stuff with my former employee mainly and letting my family down. I tend to be ok when I'm working either business or on the house, it's when I stop.

@ladyholly I don't want her to think I don't want her to be able to enjoy nice things.

I really don’t want to let my boy down tbf he does know I’m no example to follow but it shouldn’t be an excuse. I doubt my in-laws would listen to anything I have to say about whether or not I've touched the stuff. 

@Scott_Weiland79 I know you're right mate, and my wife is too. The covid and post-covid years have been really difficult for me, tbh the few years before I wasn't right either but what I leant on worked until it didn't. I haven't quite been able to get into a good place for more than a month or two in recovery; it's not even to do with addiction, it's realising I'm just a no mark and that my family deserve more.

warby68

@alt80 please stop dismissing your worth on this planet. A no mark does not pull 9k a month, a no mark doesn't have a business supporting a number of other families, a no mark wouldn't make a decent landlord and a no mark wouldn't be trying so hard to improve himself and stick to a very difficult path for the sake of his family. Yes you're a mixed bag, you've had a long bad run but your future is bright if you can only accept it. Even murderers get out of jail eventually. You're allowed to as well.

Please also stop planning as if you aren't going to be around for very long - all those 'when I'm gone' comments aren't healthy. Try and reframe everything into doing it 'for us' not just 'for them'.

I'm sure the Pros are working on you much better than I can but I do believe moving forward is better than looking back, you can only change one of them.

Hope you have a good day, only a couple of coffees and not too much depressing rain. I thought my car was going to float off yesterday. So much deep surface water and surprise deep potholes.

ladyholly

alt80 said:

@ladyholly I don't want her to think I don't want her to be able to enjoy nice things.

I really don’t want to let my boy down tbf he does know I’m no example to follow but it shouldn’t be an excuse. I doubt my in-laws would listen to anything I have to say about whether or not I've touched the stuff

I think you have shown your wife time and again that you want her to have nice things but her keep discussing all the expensive things she wants is not helping your mental health. I am not even suggesting you dont buy her nice things just explain how it makes you feel when she keeps talking about them.. As an aside does she ever buy you nice things or suggest you get something for yourself.

You keep thinking you have to make up for the past but it is gone. You cannot change it but you can make a difference to the future by giving her and you son the best side of you.

alt80

Had an awful day, just as miserable on the weather front and just another round of battles to deal with. I am trying to take each day as it comes, it's very difficult to do so rn but if I don't at least try I'll be worse off. My wife said to me this evening I don't have to choose the options that mean significant amounts of stress idk how ha.

@warby68 the pros are trying to improve my self worth/ being kinder to myself but I haven't been able to do what they recommend. I have tried over and over again and just can't. Trying to take each day as it comes is a renewed attempt to try to get my mental health at least a little better.

We had the depressing rain all day again today. Only 2 coffees though, I've been really trying with cutting caffeine right down, the amount of the coffee I was drinking was not helping me in the slightest health wise. Hope we are over the worst of the rain, it's been bad here, lots of surface water and potholes here too. No cars floating off fortunately though ha.

@ladyholly idk I'd rather she was happy than help my state of mind. She knows not to buy me anything these days.

Scott_Weiland79

alt80 said:

What a !!!!!! miserable day the weather has made it today! I’ve tried to get up and just get on with things, some negative thoughts have come and gone, stuff with my former employee mainly and letting my family down. I tend to be ok when I'm working either business or on the house, it's when I stop.

@ladyholly I don't want her to think I don't want her to be able to enjoy nice things.

I really don’t want to let my boy down tbf he does know I’m no example to follow but it shouldn’t be an excuse. I doubt my in-laws would listen to anything I have to say about whether or not I've touched the stuff. 

@Scott_Weiland79 I know you're right mate, and my wife is too. The covid and post-covid years have been really difficult for me, tbh the few years before I wasn't right either but what I leant on worked until it didn't. I haven't quite been able to get into a good place for more than a month or two in recovery; it's not even to do with addiction, it's realising I'm just a no mark and that my family deserve more.

Only you can fix this mate I can comment because I have being in the position your in. The only way too get out of it is time/not beating yourself up and therapy and good self care. If you sit there beating yourself up constantly it wont help, you need to be in the now. Ie the debts are there, what will help and fix me and make me in a better position so I can deal with this.

ladyholly

alt80 said:

@ladyholly idk I'd rather she was happy than help my state of mind. She knows not to buy me anything these days.

Just a quuestion. Do you think she can be really happy with a husband whose mental health is poor. I can assure you that living with someone who is in a bad way mentally is exhausting and doesnt make home a happy place to be.

Dont answer that just have a think about it.

alt80

@Scott_Weiland79 I know you’re right mate. However, for me, it’s a lot easier said than done idk why I can’t sort my head out.

@ladyholly ikwyacf, actually have a lot of guilt about the way I am.

ladyholly

I wasnt trying to make you feel more guilty and I know its hard but does she know how it makes you feel when you cant or dont want to buy very expensive things? Not to make either of you feel bad but more realistic in wants from her and less guilt from you.

mark55man

@alt80 - a propos of nothing and not in reply to any particular post I think you are doing great.  As the great and wise Mongo said in Blazing Saddles "we are only pawns in the great game of life" -  so for a pawn you are doing more than OK - you can't solve everything you can just do your best - and that will be plenty.  Aim your energy at external worries not at yourself or those close to you - easier said than done I know but you got this