Moving on with things

Lonelygambler

Hey - Hope you're ok. 

Keep an update coming. 

LG

alt80

Keep having thoughts about giving in to the spending list but can't do it - not come this far for nothing. My wife has a point that 0% isn't giving the banks money although it is ensuring that money is already spent. Idk I know I've turned into the miserable tight !!!!!! that I never wanted to be or thought I would become tbf I don't enjoy being careful with money myself but equally I'm not really bothered about enjoying life anymore, seen it for what it is, a bit of temporary pleasure and escapism from the reality that the world is a !!!!!! awful place and all of our clocks are ticking.

@Willowtree222 / @MFWannabe she's still in her 30s and wants to enjoy life, ikwyacf but from my wife's point of view she really likes nice things and I'm not really delivering on providing them. Of course she wouldn't be OK if I lost the things we have, she's been really good but generally isn't easy come, easy go about the things money buys.

@katsu she definitely wants more holidays and family time together, wants the big ticket items too ha.

@in_need_of_direction she doesn't appreciate the pressure of it at all and wouldn't mind me saying so.

@Scott_Weiland79 Idk mate, it's a case of giving in or doing what I feel is the right thing long term but that curtailing spending in perpetuity.

@Sarahwithlove she knows, I've spoken to her about it a lot and to her dad who now also refuses to speak to me about the future.

@stymied I am struggling to do much with my family and I know it is not right or how I would like things to be.

@Lonelygambler very little to say and no news but thanks.

RelievedSheff

She doesn't appreciate the hard work of earning because she has never had to do it. In some ways that is your own doing by not insisting that she earns some money for herself.

Keep plugging away with the pro's Alt. 

alt80

@RelievedSheff yeah, you’re not wrong about that although not sure how I can insist on !!!!!! all really. I have tried to encourage her time and time again but she doesn’t want to earn money for herself; she’s a professional princess lol.

alt80

Main holiday is happening very soon. Whilst I did get into holidays for a bit I’m dreading it now, expensive, time for my head to get in the way etc. It seemed like a good idea to both visit my parents and take them on holiday this year so we’re going to Greece then onto Croatia. Parents are looking forward to it and already have their itinerary for this trip and their wishlist for the next, their plan is for us to all go to Italy. Parents also tell me they fancy a winter trip to the Nordic countries too fml. I’m really !!!!!! dreading this trip and them persuading me to pay for more trips killing my card debt free date ha. I know I will be the only one paying for anything as it is without them deciding we should do more trips. 

On the Cartier I actually suggested to my wife that for her birthday in April she could have something made by a local jeweller in precious metal rather than pay +££££s for the name and it be unique but she isn’t that keen. 

Idk I am 100% grateful for what we do have and that things are ticking over but also know that it’s not enough and I am not in a position to chase the next level with not being able to get over my own !!!!!! stress / burnout.

Scott_Weiland79

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff yeah, you’re not wrong about that although not sure how I can insist on !!!!!! all really. I have tried to encourage her time and time again but she doesn’t want to earn money for herself; she’s a professional princess lol.

Can i ask a random question? How old is she

ladyholly

Trying pushing with the local jeweller she can either design or have some input into the design which will make it truly hers and no one else will have anything like it. It could also be an heirloom for a possible future daughter in law. Anyone with decent credit can buy from Cartier and one day she may come across someone with the same one whereas a one off will never been duplicated.

I am sure you will enjoy the holiday. This is what people keep saying enjoy the experiences with your family. It wont be too many years before your son wont want to go with you and I know you worry about your parents health. Sometimes the money spent doesnt matter as it creates memories which will allways be with you/

foxgloves

A bespoke item created in precious metal by a local jeweller is a truly lovely idea. I agree with @ladyholly that anyone with access to sufficient credit can buy the big brands. 
F

Scott_Weiland79

Cartier what the heck, I am so grateful too have my other half she likes nice things but nothing off the shelf. The engagement ring I got my other half cost me about 2k but at least I know its bespoke/made by a jewellery who makes the items herself. She is a local business not a multinational too, have a look at this site, there must be jewellers like this near you.

https://www.sarahhickey.co.uk/


Please dont buy her Cartier because then your giving into her Princess complex which seriously needs addressing, dont reinforcing her behaviour.

strawb_shortcake

I think the locally made bespoke jewellery is a lovely and romantic idea. The Cartier necklace is just materialistic and demonstrates that nothing has really changed for her. 

I think I recall you saying your wife was done speaking with the professionals? I'd suggest this may have been a little premature. But perhaps now that you are close to leading a debt free life, some joint sessions would be advantageous to try and make sure you are both on the same page, if you aren't your mental health is going to suffer and I fear you'll quickly find yourself back in substantial debt before too long. 

I agree with the other comments regarding your wife and not appreciating the value of money as she's never had to work for anything. As my Mum would say she knows the cost of everything but the value of nothing (think that's it anyway). 

I completely get she's put up with a lot, she's stood by you, but you can't keep  being punished for the past, but it sounds as though that's what's happening still, and not just by yourself