NST January 2022: Janus

crazy_cat_lady

Planned spend day for me today.
Petrol, couple of bits for work (milk and squash), money onto ds lunch account. All tracked and recorded. January is tight but I will get through it... It was my first day back, and as is usual for me I didn't sleep well last night, couldn't get up this morning and now feeling utterly exhausted and looking forward to bed time.
Was supposed to take dd's car to work as it hasn't moved for a while. Not moving anywhere as the battery is as flat as anything unfortunately - I left it too long for the sake of the comfort of my own, newer car. Boo hiss. I have asked my dad to come over at the weekend with his charger - see if we can get it going. Hopefully it just needs charging rather than replacing.
Other than that, not much else to report. Work is going to be very stressful this half term so I'm going to batten down and get on with it.
Lots of love to everyone, especially you mothernerd.

abundant1972

Good evening everyone 🌒

Well done on getting through your first day Mothernerd and I'm so glad you are getting all the support you need, and also recognition from your family for all your hard work. Sometimes we just think its our 'duty' or the 'norm' to support elderly parents, but I believe it takes a certain strength of character and courage to always be there. 

Apologies Calling - belated hugs for the loss of your friend. Even though it sounds like it wasn't unexpected, I always feel it's still a shock when it happens. What a star he sounds going out with a smile and a joke. Hugs 🤗 🧡 x

Today I am grateful for:
1) Kind words from a colleague at work 
2) An opportunity for me to listen and be there for others
3) For my Mum who will always be my greatest and closest friend

Well Team Turtle - I am on a roll...

Today = NSD number 3!!!

Felt flat when the day started but I think somehow - doing stuff for other people (even if it is my job) has helped lift me out of my slump. Having a nice relaxing evening and have a day off tomorrow to look forward to. Continue to use up the contents of my fridge/freezer as per plan (the spinach had to go though!!!). Tonight's random combo was 1/2 tin of stuffed vine leaves with a chicken korma 🤣 

ldee2111

Staying on NSD 2/16. I did a small grocery top up shop today - milk, bread, and an avocado. I also took a bag to the CS and left with a bag of discounted festive cards for 11 months’ time. I also bought 2 t-shirts for DS. They were in excellent condition - like new - and they featured two of his current favourites: dinosaurs and cars! 

Grateful for good finds in the CS, for another dry, sunny day, and for the beautiful crescent moon in the sky tonight. 

Deni_debt-free_dreamer

ldee2111 said:

Grateful for good finds in the CS, for another dry, sunny day, and for the beautiful crescent moon in the sky tonight. 

Agree ldee2111 - the moon is so beautiful tonight, worth taking a few moments to look up in wonder 

cybertortoise

Evening all. A spend day for me so stuck on 3/16 NSDs. All planned spends though so that's ok by me.

mothernerd

Yesterday was tiring but fairly successful. Yes I am starting to feel the mum sized hole in my life (and prodding it occasionally like you would a tooth that has been extracted). I remember for months after my grandma died, something would happen at work and I'd already be turning it into a little story in my head, as it was just the sort of thing that would amuse grandma, and then remember that she wasn't there. I can feel mum's absence, but am still adjusting because a lot of the time I'm expecting her to come back in from the garden or wherever.

Updated my sons on developments (cause of death etc) and was asked what I want/ need them to do. DS1 doesn't get time off so is using annual leave when he stays at home, so I've told him to go back for the rest of the week. DS2 asked about 1) collecting documents 2) helping sort stuff out 3) taking stuff to charity shops etc 4) helping make the funeral arrangements. He and gf could come Thursday (today but yesterday today was tomorrow IYSWIM) or Monday. Settled on Monday, would rather have a couple more days on my own, find out as much as possible about who is accepting donations and sort all the easy stuff.

 Further conversation with my niece (she's passed my phone number on to my brother but he's not phoned) about various things including steps we can take to make the funeral service safe for my brother and other vulnerable people (DS3 and beloved, my ex who very much wants to come even if it means taxis from Abergele, my eldest cousin, probably several of mum's friends from church). 

The pre-session questionnaire for CBT wasn't in my mailbox so phoned them and they sent it/ resent it? (someone hadn't clicked a box). Attended the CBT session and stayed behind to thank them and explain about mum (part of our homework was to do a diary of what activities we did in the morning/ afternoon and evening - not one of those every 15 minutes ones - and to categorise them as routine/ pleasurable/ necessary). During the discussion I had just said that it hadn't really been a standard 2 weeks, afterwards I told the course leaders that 'spending all afternoon on the phone trying to get your mum into hospital' wasn't a typical activity. They were very kind (everyone is so terribly terribly kind and I keep thanking them all). 

During the second half of the CBT was also conducting a message exchange with my ex who very much wants to come to the funeral (second half was good sleep habits which I think I have covered, eat no later than 8 pm - if I need to eat, laptop off at 9 pm, read for a couple of hours or more and put my CPAP mask on when I start to feel the slightest bit drowsy). I was in the bathroom when he tried to phone me (via messenger, a concept to which I have only recently been introduced). I couldn't work out where the funny chirruping noise was coming from. Checked my phone, looked around for any other possible source, put my ear next to the laptop (definitely louder) and finally concluded that one of the other CBT participants had had a phone call. It wasn't until afterwards I saw the missed call buttons and worked it out.

Suddenly felt absolutely wiped out, did not want to do anymore, just crawl under the bedclothes. Spent a couple of hours doing nothing much. Lunch was Christmas tree shaped chicken nuggets and festive potato shapes - trees, stars and snowmen and eating potato snowmen is nearly as much fun a biting the heads off jelly babies.

Still very tired but had more difficult, potentially long and expensive calls to make and better to use mum's house phone than my credit. Still struggling so settled for easy wins. House now looks like it's been burgled because I left half- emptied drawers and cupboards open until they were completely empty (and some things I know I want to go but don't have a suitable bag or box to put them in yet) alternating between mum's room (standing) and front room (sitting). All the clothes I rolled and folded the other day have now been double bagged (about 12 items of clothing per bag, 3 items per roll, all hangers included - they are plastic but the strong triangular shape ones, I managed to eradicate most of the shop ones in an earlier cull). I've emptied the bedside drawers and most of a taller set on the window side of the room (although a drawer full of woolly/ crochet scarves and gloves and multiple lacy/ sheer glittery/ fancy scarves have just been moved onto the bed for bagging - it was the next to the bottom drawer and I scooped them out in armfuls before my back started to complain too much.

Old (bed) socks, 6 bras, numerous chicken fillets, underskirts and control pants were binned along with rollers and pins, hm ready meals, 3 small notebooks (unused pages kept), a couple of dozen scrappy or broken bits and ancient discoloured lipsticks. Found the 10 weeks road trip through Portugal and Spain albums and dealt with those (basically keeping ones with people we know in except for the ones that are too dark, fuzzy or where the subject is a tiny dot miles away. A few bits from Gibraltar kept because my only remaining uncle was based there for many years and their 2 sons were raised there (auntie flew back to be with her mum for the births).

There's a small collection of photos of several cousins and their offspring (again sorted by me and in neat labelled sections). I decluttered another pizza from the freezer. Filled a bag with shampoos, shower creams etc for the food bank (probably another bagful still there but hunting for bags atm) and gave up on jewellery for now - need a clear flat space (there's nothing of any value and mum got rid of a lot- there should be a platinum cross somewhere but I only saw a traditional Scottish brooch that my grandma often wore, that I can't even show to my vegetarian nieces). Found some of it confusing - some scraps of gold that I now think were links from a bracelet or watch (you remove the links to make it fit your wrist).

Managed 2 important phone calls - to mum's friend who has lived in the IOM for many years (her mother looked after me when mum went back to work after I was born and she was a witness at my wedding) and to mum's lodger - long talk about mum and then I asked (made it clear I didn't want to rush him) if he wanted to continue renting the house (it's what was my grandma's house) and he said he'd love to, if we can sort it. I knew he had plans a few years ago to buy a camper van to live in and take his (then teenage) daughter to festivals in the summer but she now has a partner and a 3 yo, so probably staying local. I did remind him that if he wanted to move, he could take any furnishings/ appliances he wanted to. Similarly he said that if it was difficult for me, to sort my own needs out first and not worry about him. I said I seemed to have a surfeit of houses to sort and not a penny to my name.

It's accepted that I will be the one to sort things. My brother has physical injuries dating back to childhood (my parents were told he would be in a wheelchair by the time he was 30) which precluded him from following his chosen careers and then when he worked in an all night garage he was held up at knifepoint and less than a year later 4 men in balaclavas got out of a car possibly armed with shotguns (he was on the floor behind the counter pressing the panic button by then). If his daughter and I can persuade him to move to the bungalow, I will feel that he is 'sorted'. If it had been possible, mum would have made me 'adopt' her lodger. My brother and he are both only 4 years behind me but of course they are men so can't possibly be expected to look after themselves.

Thoroughly exhausted once again (emotional stuff takes an extra toll) so phoned for a taxi. Was going to be 20 - 25 minutes so I scooped up all the medicines and their containers from the cupboard, added two packs of baby wipes to the food bank bag (mum used them to clean between her toes, sitting in her armchair) and came home. Came straight to bed and was asleep within half an hour.

Plans for today are 3 sacks of cans to the recycling point, Food Bank Run, return all the medicines to the pharmacy. That would be a convenient point to drop into mum's bank - they will close her account (so need to set up alternative source to pay direct debits) but hoping they have arrangements for paying funeral expenses from mum's account before I contact the undertakers.

I have connections - not the sort that dole out £M contracts but useful ones. The taxi driver who took me to mum's was one of our regulars so I told him mum had died - we sat for about 5 minutes chatting. He was shocked, he said she looked fine when he brought her back from the infirmary (that would have been the 16th, her podiatry appointment). I pointed out the ornaments on the gravel and he said there's a woman a few streets away (think she's another regular) who has lots of animal ornaments in her front garden, so he's going to ask her for me. She's welcome to take as many hedgehogs, otters, deer and Yorkshire terriers as she wants (if she likes fairies, angels, cherubs and fake flowers that would be an extra bonus). 

Grateful for long chats with an old friend and mum's lodger (another bit semi-sorted), other contacts, mum's cousin's daughter is friends on bookface with the daughters of some friends of mum's (people she grew up with) so could pass messages on through them asking them to contact me. grateful for a cheesecake with my name on it (taken out of the freezer when I made lunch). I know that a lot of what I'm eating isn't super healthy but it's there, it needs using, especially if furniture/ appliances are going to be moving around to suit whoever's living where and at the moment it's enough to eat at regular intervals  (and drink lots of water).

Going to have another sleep now.

ditty1234

Have managed 1 nsd so far this month, 3 creative wtiting meditations, bike ot work and one club run, one club run, lost 2lb and started my new job - doing it so far. Drove to my run last night - cheeky. 
Boys are getting on with things, ds2 cleaned house yesterday and ds1 is trying to engage with outpatient therapy. A couple of visits a week does not seem reasonable. 

@mothernerd I am so sorry for your loss and absolutely awed by the energy you have in going through your mums house. Remember to rest and look after yourself - it looks like your boys are stepping up. It is so easy to get paralysed by stuff!

Happy Thursday, I'm on to two half teaching days Thursday and Friday, should manage that - I have prep time at work! Imagine that.

Deni_debt-free_dreamer

Blimey mothernerd what you have achieved so far is amazing.  Glad to hear your DSs are supporting you and love the food choices, especially the festive meal with potato snowmen Hope CBT is helping you and that you are now having a good rest.  Sending love and hugs.

I was also awake at 4am as for some reason i couldn't sleep at all, my mind was far too busy.  I actually fell asleep as i heard next door neighbour going out to work - at 5am!  DD2 woke me up at 9am by phoning me before starting uni work.  Grateful to be wfh today in close proximity to plentiful supplies of coffee 

ditty - your year so far sounds positive
calling - condolences on the loss of your friend

love Deni 

PS it's just started snowing!

AngieMcKPz

Thank you for the lovely welcome and I look forward to surfing the waves with you. 

As we are The Turtle Gang, this is a cute picture of a turtle. xxx

f0xh0les

Hmm, that one might well be me.   It is much easier to tell from behind though.

@Deni_debt-free_dreamer what is your location? Just the Shire will do, we might get some today (or so the weather witches said this morning) but so far it has not happened, although the roads seem to have been gritted (3rd time in 6 years) so maybe it will ..... I am now on SnowWatch....

Volunteering over for the week. Dh cooking supper tonight, I am just going to concentrate on keeping warm and toasty.  Found out that the normally cold living room (thermostat at 20 degrees and it is still cold in here) is deliciously warm with just 2 candles lit on the mantle.  Keeping it NSTurtle. 

ETA: forgot to say, NSD5