Curbing the ridiculous

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  • edited 6 December 2021 at 9:03AM
    enthusiasticsaverenthusiasticsaver Forumite, Ambassador
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    edited 6 December 2021 at 9:03AM
    Sounds like you have been busy on house searching front. Tavistock is near us and is a lovely town but yes you are right the schools are not great particularly the community college which is obviously not a problem now as your two are little but maybe later on. Not sure why it does not have a great reputation but it is large. A lot of people send their secondary age children to the Plymouth Grammar schools if they pass the 11+. Not sure about the primary schools. Sounds like you are still mulling over whether to stay put or move. When we moved away from SE London to Cornwall our children were a similar age to yours. We moved away because of not being able to afford a bigger house in a nicer area but we also wanted to live more rurally and DH was offered a job transfer down here. He said driving down here so much more pleasant than in London and he had to do a lot of travelling between bases. The only downside was leaving friends and family. Never regretted it. You have to do primarily what is best for your family’s happiness. Obviously money comes into it but I would not move just to be mortgage free. There would have to be another incentive like nicer lifestyle, better work/life balance as well as a nicer house. 
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  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    @enthusiasticsaver - thank you.  What you say makes total sense.  I think this is why it's so difficult - we do have such a great lifestyle here generally.  It's safe, beautiful, good schools/nurseries, good jobs/salaries/opportunities and we live a nice life, that's before we even get to friends and family.  Then the flipside is a much much bigger/nicer house/land in uk for much less money and mortgage free or mortgage free very quickly.  Could potentially retire a lot earlier or completely change what we do.  Cheaper cost of living overall, but more tax/NI, no friends/family (though I do have friends in bristol which isn't that far away).  If we lost our jobs it would be very difficult to pick up new remote working ones on similar salaries, schools don't seem as good.  Also here, we are quite future proof as I can go back to doing what I did pre-kids if it were necessary which would double my salary overnight, and given that tax here isn't at 40%, that makes a big difference to security if ever we got into dire straits - it is not somehing I could do remotely however.  So it really is difficult to know.  I think this is why we need a good brainstorming session when we're not so tired.

    On that note, DC2 was up.  AGAIN.  For 3 HOURS in the middle of the night.  It is just killing us.  He used to be a great sleeper and has not been since about May/June.  I go to bed usually at 1930/2000 to try to get a head start.  So even though I went to bed at 8 last night I am exhausted.

    Spent £3.70 on a baguette yesterday.  DH bought milk so not sure how much he spent as I have no doubt he bought crisps too.  Will wait to see it come up on the bill, but we will def be over budget this month probs by about £500 - but that is pretty much down to the spends on the trip - I think we will probably be in budget for the other things.

    Today - MIL picking up DC2 at 9 and taking him to a toddler group.  I have S&L for DC1 at 1045 then dropping him at his nursery for rest of day even though he's not normally in on a Tues as they are filming their xmas play today (we can't attend in person due to covid).  DC2 coming back to me for 1145.  I need to prep a sausage and chestnut pasta bake to pop in fridge overnight so that we can feed my parents easily tomorrow as I am working 8-6, so won't be time to prep it when I get home.

    Dinner from stores tonight.
  • TheAbleTheAble Forumite
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    Property on the UK doesn't feel all that cheap to me. If it seems cheap to you it must be really expensive where you are!

    Sounds like you currently have a great lifestyle. If it were me I'd need a very compelling reason for changing it - and just being mortgage-free wouldn't cut it (a worthy endeavour though that is). I could move myself right now to a cheaper part of the country and be mortgage free but I wouldn't; I know I'll get there eventually in my current house but it will take a bit more time. 
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  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    @TheAble - yes, I'm inclined to agree with you.  It's more my DH who is hell bent on leaving. 

    Yes, the agents were surprised by our reactions as apparently most people grumble at what you get for your money over there.  Basically, it's double the price over here, sometimes triple.  It's madness.  Utter madness.  

    I've not yet spent anything today - toddler group wasn't on so MIL suggested I go to hers for lunch after taking DC1 to S&L and dropping him to nursery, so did that.  Then not had chance to get milk so DH will need to do on way home.

    I am now sitting at home trying to watch the end of a Silent Witness I've been trying to watch for week but iplayer having other ideas!  DC2 sleeping and am gonna try make the pasta bake in a bit
  • BlackcatsBlackcats Forumite
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    poor you with the non sleeping children - exhausting and draining.  
    I thought you would be swayed by the West Country - my assumptions were based on .... more housing stock, lower prices/more for your money so lower mortgage which unlocks different lifestyle options.  Perhaps paying school fees until DC's could pass 11+.  I thought you would anticipate being able to build new friendships particularly with your young family.  However, so much about house hunting is based on feelings and emotions.  It's tricky if OH feels strongly in favour of UK.
    as you say, get some much needed sleep (fingers crossed) and have a good conversation together.  

  • enthusiasticsaverenthusiasticsaver Forumite, Ambassador
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    Goodness the West Country is not cheap so heaven knows what house prices are where you currently are.  I am guessing the Channel Islands if tax so much lower though. 

    It seems to me your biggest issue is that your DH seems to favour UK whereas you want to stay put. At least both of us were in favour of moving away from London which made our decision much easier. Are you still hoping that the property you made an offer on will come off? If you are able to double your salary by staying put would it not be easier to do that now then you could afford a better house where you are? Is it the mortgage free/retire earlier thing that appeals to your DH by moving to the UK? 
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  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    Started typing this last night, then got distracted by the kids hence the weird references to wine etc!

    @blackcats - I think I am possibly more risk averse than DH so perhaps that is why I am much more cautious.  Thank you re the empathy re sleep, it is so draining!  Tempting to drink wine but then I don't sleep well so I've got sparkling water in the hope that will kill the craving.

    @enthusiasticsaver - yes, CI.  House prices are astronomical.  We are def still hoping that property comes off, but resigned to the fact that nothing now likely to happen until mid-jan as not much for them to view likely to come on now with xmas and new year.  I could, but tbh, I think then it would just feel like a millstone round our necks as we would need to borrow so much that I'd then have to keep doing that role (which I hated first time around and which really impacted on my health).  Plus, it would mean nursery fees doubling as we would need full time nursery and, I just don't want to be working every hour god sends (because it wouldn't be just office hours, we'd be talking 8-6 each day just as a basic, logging on in the evenings and working weekends and on holiday)- so I just don't think it's worth the trade off.  We might end up with a super duper house but I'd never have time to enjoy it!

    I think it's partially the mortgage free/retire early thing which which appeals to him but he's also talking about a lifestyle change.  He watches a lot of River cottage and loves gardening/cooking etc.  I think, if he could, he'd just quit work and start a smallholding and makes/sell produce/preserves/charcuterie.  I too, think that would be lovely (for me to do as well) but, sadly, we've had kids late in life and so there's that to factor in.  And our pensions are pretty dire, so we really need to work to top those up.  So, being a realist, I just don't think we can.  And also, I couldn't see him (or us) cutting back to the bare bones and then not needing to work if you know what I mean.

    So I guess what I'm saying (with lots of inarticulate waffle!) is that we REALLY need to figure out what we want from life and what we are prepared to do to get it!
  • BuffythedebtslayerBuffythedebtslayer Forumite
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    I think that is so difficult when you don't really know, or have other "stuff" to take into account.  I mean I know what I would like to happen but I also know that it isn't going to happen as there isn't enough money or time in my case but I don't really have a clue what else I am aiming for! 
    Nevertheless she persisted.
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    @Buffythedebtslayer - yes, I feel that I just have no clue whatsoever what to do!  Feel like we've made so many mistakes so far we are scared of doing anything.  However, we HAVE to as the old bat from upstairs came down yesterday and banged on the door asking us to stop slamming doors - we weren't - DH shut the lounge door but it wasn't a slam.  There is zero soundproofing in these flats and I think, because my family are visiting (but not staying with us), there had been quite a bit of noise in the afternoon of just my brother playing with the kids and she just wanted to have a go at us.  My anxiety levels are through the roof and I just feel like we can't live our lives.  And given DC1 having S&L therapy, I don't want to be constantly shushing him.  It is hell.

    Budget out the window and through the roof.  As is the eating and drinking.  Come Jan I think I'm going to sign up to 90 day fitness body coach plan and just try to focus on that - should help with my anxiety levels/mental health too.

    Got a message from agent Thurs afternoon saying vendors of house we are under offer on here had seen something they really liked and were second viewing friday but have heard nothing further so once again, looks like nothing happening.

    DH REALLY wants to move to uk.  He is just hating it here.  Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!
  • WinterWarriorWinterWarrior Forumite
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    Where are you now Rebecca? I keep reading it as France, but I know that’s not right as you talk in £’s.
    Renting is always hell, you are at the mercy of other people. I once lived in a terrace where you could hear next door running up and down the stairs and closing doors like they were right next to you 😖 We never complained though…the other side could probably hear us.
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