The Best View Comes After the Hardest Climb.

Buffythedebtslayer

Right. 

Things are actually going from bad to worse. It is almost funny, definitely farcical. 

I got a message last night from !!!!!!. He misses me. In June I broke things off with him - we were meant to be friends but he kept in touch so sporadically that it was awful. I couldn't understand why and he seemed so dismissive.  The occasional chat but then nothing for weeks.  And something at the start of term, anyhow I deleted him completely from my phone (have done that about 3 times to be honest, April, May and then June!!) and you all know it has bloody killed me. Last night he explained that he had been seeing someone, it hadn't worked out. He felt awkward messaging me whilst that was going on ! OH REALLY. And he missed me, that he had been !!!!!! and he apologised but he hadn't known what to do (oh !!!!!!) that we had been really close and I didn't really understand but I think he was trying to give her and him a chance? Oh That's nice. !!!!!! WIT. 

Any how I told him he had broken my heart  and he had hurt me and used me and it was all a mess. That he was not the person I had believed him to be and that person I had trusted and cared for didn't actually exist. 

I felt better for not letting him off the hook and being very straight with him. But awful for it all happening, I was quite ill afterwards, barely slept... . 3 years of friendship with him. So much hope and many plans with him. But instead as usual I am wrong about a man!  

Any how all done now. I feel sort of free?  Desperately upset. But it is a relief. 

So since absolutely zero part of my life is going to plan right now I am going to throw myself into the house and work and look forward to next weekend with my friends. 
And act as if everything is ok. Until it is. XX

WinterWarrior

Maybe that is a good thing…now you know! He’s a bit of a player, keeping you on the hook while seeing someone else. He was all about his feelings and nothing about yours ☹️ But, your eyes have been opened now and that’s a good thing. Onwards and upwards…there is someone for everyone, the hard part is finding them (I know), but you most definitely deserve better! 

Willowtree222

I’m glad you feel free. I think it shows you’ve had your time to grieve abs said what you needed to say. Perhaps you feel like you’ve got closure for yourself.

I wish I could give you a hug Buffy. X

milann

You deserve better than to be strung along. If you ever got together you could never trust him. Everyone deserves someone they can trust 😡😡😡

Buffythedebtslayer

WinterWarrior said:

Maybe that is a good thing…now you know! He’s a bit of a player, keeping you on the hook while seeing someone else. He was all about his feelings and nothing about yours ☹️ But, your eyes have been opened now and that’s a good thing. Onwards and upwards…there is someone for everyone, the hard part is finding them (I know), but you most definitely deserve better! 

I know I am going to sound like a pathetic woman defending him and for that I do apologise, but he isn't a player. We had or I had decided not to go any further with anything, he was reluctant to do that and stayed in touch but periodically had ignored me which was !!!!!! and confusing. Don't get me wrong - he is gone, and I have seen my FWB a couple of times (as we weren't going anywhere) so am not pure as the driven snow. I said all that, that he just wanted to see if I was still around and that was actually worse than ignoring me and what the hell was he doing and he just kept apologising. It was horrible because it didn't actually help. I even said I had liked him more than he liked me and how hard it was for me to have walked away from it all. My over riding feeling is that it is too hard and too messy and I don't actually believe there is anyone for me, some people are meant to be single. And I am one of them. Hate feeling like this. HATE IT. 

Buffythedebtslayer

Willowtree222 said:

I’m glad you feel free. I think it shows you’ve had your time to grieve abs said what you needed to say. Perhaps you feel like you’ve got closure for yourself.

I wish I could give you a hug Buffy. X

milann said:

You deserve better than to be strung along. If you ever got together you could never trust him. Everyone deserves someone they can trust 😡😡😡

That is it really, I was hanging on hoping but just cos someone always comes back doesn't mean anything. I wish to God it had worked out with him I really do but I do have some closure and he isn't who I thought he was. I always thought the best of him and he let me down. 

I need to get on with something. Food I think. thank you all for listening to me. Sorry if I seem confused. I am a mess here now trying to keep it together in front of Mum. Haven't hoovered and the kitchen floor is filthy. Still feel rough. 

Sun_Addict

You’re better off without him Buffster, you couldn’t carry on like that. Don’t write off meeting someone, you never know what (or who) is around the corner. Sending you a big hug 🤗 

badmemory

Of course you are confused.  Dealing with someone who keeps sending out mixed messages is confusing/upsetting & quite a few other **ings.

Buffythedebtslayer

Yes Bad memory, it really bloody is.

I made breakfast. 

I feel a bit rubbish now. Also I have lost weight, I think because I have spent the week eating cereal at work for breakfast and lunch. It is so much easier than trying to eat anything for real. Tomorrow I have corned beef sandwich but I think I will do cereal on days that are stressful. 

Also my BMI is 30.6 and my visceral fat is 12 which is getting closer to acceptable(was 14 at the state of the year) and I have 38 % fat  from 40% at the start of the year. So that is all coming down too. I am still do 30 active minutes minimum daily. 

List for the rest of the day. 

1. Hoover wherever I can 
2. Clean out the animals outside 
3. take down extension 
4. weed the area. 
5. Clean inside animals 
6. Move washing around. 
7. Get petrol (hilarious round here!) 
8. do some work. 
9. Clean mess in the hall. 
10.Put back  shelf in car. 

RosaBernicia

Crikey.  Why does life have to be so bloody awkward.  Never as simple as you miss him and he misses you, is it? 

Let's hope that's him closure-d and space cleared for somebody better! 

RB xx