The Best View Comes After the Hardest Climb.

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou said:

Buffy, I don't know how you do it  xx

Well I don't really. 
My sister said something today that chilled me, that mum would be in a home if it wasn't for me. Part of me was glad of the acknowledgement of what I do but it scared the other part of me. The part of me that hoped she would get well and I would get some time and freedom back. I was quite chilled by it all (in the traditional sense of the word) 

Buffythedebtslayer

Am so tired but I need to write something. 

Things must change here. They must. I get now that mum needs me, however reluctant and rude she is about it all. The last few months have made that clear. 

I need to take a real serious look at myself for this next month. What I am doing, What am I spending. Talking to that woman tonight, she was explaining her story and I thought God, mine would be well, I started off well enough.........but then just spent the last 15 years looking after everyone in some form or another. 

Am slowly waking up properly to what you have all been telling me. I don't have anything much for me. I have put it off and put it off. Expecting that I would some day have some time. 

But some day isn't coming. Nothing good has happened in such a long time. I need to put some effort into my life. 

mothernerd

Hugs Buffy.

RosaBernicia

Hugs, purrs and puppy cuddles from here Buffster. 

However - can I politely disagree with your last sentence?  You put in so much effort already.  I think what is needed is for other people to acknowledge what you do and accept the changes that are needed for you to be able to relax. 

Willowtree222

Hugs from me too. Xx

milann

It sounds a very stressful time atm Buffy. You really need to get some time for you. Would respite be an option for your mum…..she might not like the idea of it. But whilst she is having a ‘helpful’ phase….could you explain how tired and stressed you are and NEED a break to continue to care for her.  I’m not sure if you get any financial benefits to care for her….but if you do could you get a care overnight for her so you can stay over at a friends or a night away. I’m just throwing ideas into the pot which I’m sure you might have thought of…..but just in case you haven’t. 😉

stymied

Don’t forget you have your animals. They are special and you love them. You also have training and experience. And you have good friends that you genuinely get along with and enjoy spending time with. Just trying to say please don’t feel like you’re starting from nothing / a wholly negative place x

badmemory

Does it help to know that one sister has acknowledged that without you Mum would be in a care home?  Hopefully as one has the other will also do.  Whilst they may never be much practical help it may be that they will be supportive in getting Mum to accept some professional (ie not YOU) help.  I do hope so.

Buffythedebtslayer

Thanks XX 

Today was a bad day. The transport didn't show for mum, the car is going cost 360 and work is a JOKE. 

And don't mention petrol. Not a bloody word. 

thank you so much for your support. I will write more when am less strung out. I have tea, I am day dreaming about rabbit housing. It calms me! 

milann

Hope your rabbit housing dream becomes a reality 👍