The Best View Comes After the Hardest Climb.

Buffythedebtslayer

Willowtree222 said:

Is it worth anything to sell? I’ve known tradesmen to clean up everything afterwards and take it all with them so perhaps it was just that?

If your mum hadn’t said anything would you have been bothered by it?

If you can’t use it/of no benefit to you then I personally wouldn’t be bothered by the fact it had gone. That might just be me though 🤷‍♀️ 

I haven't said anything to Mum about it. Mum was glad to have the locks done but if I am being REALLY honest, I think she thinks I broke the key in the lock, it was my responsibility to fix it and if anything went wrong - like we got robbed for example - I carried that worry not her. She doesn't really feel that bothered - I guess because she is in pain and she isn't really engaged with life. The only thing she queried - afterwards was the price as  the locksmith made a comment - I wouldn't normally do so much work for one price. And mum didn't like that as she didn't want to be a charity case? I am guessing that  as she wouldn't say anything else. She did pay tho. Not me

It was a year old high spec lock, extra secure. I mean I wouldn't have a clue but I would think given we got a second hand part for a lock reselling is a thing, and do I care?!? . I hate feeling like this - I am glad you guys are here but I am SO tired of constantly relying on my own judgement and being constantly worried about criticism. 

XXX

badmemory

Well here's a thought.  The response to criticism, if you don't like what I've done then do it yourself.  Hard to do the first time but it gets easier.  You can't survive forever second guessing yourself, you are exhausting yourself.

Buffythedebtslayer

badmemory said:

Well here's a thought.  The response to criticism, if you don't like what I've done then do it yourself.  Hard to do the first time but it gets easier.  You can't survive forever second guessing yourself, you are exhausting yourself.

I nearly said that today. I think you are right. I am exhausted. This last week since I broke up from work has been harder than being at work. 

XX 

MatyMoo

Delurking to say If the locksmith didn’t take all the keys to the lock with him I suspect it isn’t worth much to him. My front door keys are £15 each and they won’t supply without the original security tag 😉

Buffythedebtslayer

MatyMoo said:

Delurking to say If the locksmith didn’t take all the keys to the lock with him I suspect it isn’t worth much to him. My front door keys are £15 each and they won’t supply without the original security tag 😉

Aha. Only took my key - I say took but my key isn't there so I guess so. 

I honestly do think it is living with mum, she really believes everyone is on the make somehow. 

badmemory

Well you know my opinion.  I think she has the beginning of some form of dementia.  Paranoia is just one possible symptom.

Buffythedebtslayer

badmemory said:

Well you know my opinion.  I think she has the beginning of some form of dementia.  Paranoia is just one possible symptom.

Yeah and I know this is what I always say but she has never trusted anyone aside from my Dad, I have had the same best friends for something like 30 years and it is only just recently (during covid) she said what good friends they are. When I was a kid I was reminded that people couldn't be trusted and would leave me/lie to me, family only,  etc all the time. Just not in her nature to have friends or socialise. 

I guess she will develop that kind of sickness at some point but much of what I talk about has been her normal behaviour for my whole life, it is just there used to be a break or other influences around for me to get a balance. Since covid there has been no balance. 

Any how tomorrow I have a food delivery and a click and collect and then it will be back to the garden. ooo and the tip! My one day out had to be moved to Thursday. I am sort of running out of time. But we shall see..........

RosaBernicia

Umm.  I can understand some of the 'everyone is awful' paranoid voice and I heard it from a similar source (though my example is long term and has more to do with covert narcissism than dementia).  You can't fix what she thinks, but you can make your own peace and move on. 

Yes, technically perhaps the locksmith will resell the lock and make slightly more money than he charged.  But as you've pointed out, you have no use for it and wouldn't have resold it so what difference does that make?  Plus you were happy with his service and he mentioned he did more work than usual.  So where's the harm and why would it be worth any more of your energy? 

As for the conservatory comment... no idea how you keep the steam from coming out of your ears! 

RosaBernicia

Buffythedebtslayer said:

beanielou said:

Road trip?
Train to Edinburgh.
Bus here  xx

That would be a great plan Beanie XXX 

Also, how are your road trip plans?

Can confirm north of Edinburgh is a lovely part of the world 

Buffythedebtslayer

RosaBernicia said:

Umm.  I can understand some of the 'everyone is awful' paranoid voice and I heard it from a similar source (though my example is long term and has more to do with covert narcissism than dementia).  You can't fix what she thinks, but you can make your own peace and move on. 

Yes, technically perhaps the locksmith will resell the lock and make slightly more money than he charged.  But as you've pointed out, you have no use for it and wouldn't have resold it so what difference does that make?  Plus you were happy with his service and he mentioned he did more work than usual.  So where's the harm and why would it be worth any more of your energy? 

As for the conservatory comment... no idea how you keep the steam from coming out of your ears! 

I did have a flash of annoyance! And I can't say it doesn't hurt.

The thing is ultimately she is in constant pain, she is utterly miserable and all that amplifies her fears and insecurities so the reaction to things isn't ever just a reaction, it is also a response to her own situation - alone, in pain, feels useless, feels like a burden. Me being in control of things is hell for her. 

I vent here so I don't lose my !!!!!! with her. Being a carer is really hard and I don't enjoy it. However life won't always be like this. 

When I am out tomorrow, I need to pick up small wood screws, a new tap, and there was something else.............

I want more chocolate and a blanket. XX