Break up of a long term relationship

MovingForwards

Can you change your hours after moving, even on a temp basis.

madwomanintraining

MovingForwards said:

Can you change your hours after moving, even on a temp basis.

Unfortunately not, and due to covid rules I can't hang around either so will just have to face it if it happens.

Savvy_Sue

Again, it may be worth alerting colleagues to your need not to exit the building alone. We are currently supposed to leave in pairs because of the risk of particular people hanging around hoping to catch one of our clients / get information about them. 

Mojisola

madwomanintraining said:

Luckily he won't be able to get in the building as he doesn't have a swipe card, but he might wait outside which I will have to be prepared to deal with. 

If you can't get support from a colleague when leaving the building, have a personal attack alarm in your hand and don't be afraid to set it off if he won't go away.

RAS

Hi madwomanintraining

There are a couple of other issues that you may have already addressed, but if not may need sorting out. You do not need to answer these questions here but if you're at risk, please do something about them.

Does your OH have access to the bank account into which your salary is paid?

If so, you may need to arrange a new bank account and get it paid into that. Which requires that you know the cut off date by which HR need to know about the account change, and make absolutely sure they process it, or he can wreck your finances after you move out.

Do you have any joint bank or savings accounts with your OH?  If so, you really need to remove some money from them immediately (on the day) . 

There are two additional risks here; one is that OH can strip the accounts of money or prevent you accessing it. The other is that he can run up debts on any account with an attached credit card or overdraft and YOU become liable for the debt (joint and severally). You really do need some specialist advice if these are a risk.

I don't know the current situation but previously that advice was to remove half the money and give the bank a letter advising them with immediate effect that all further debits required both signatures until such time as you could remove your name from the accounts (that usually required both signatures).

On a minor note, take meter readings a few days before you move out regardless and if any of the accounts are in your name or joint names report them to the utilities companies immediately you move out and transfer the account to OH. Do check if they are in credit. 

gavinaw

I am so happy for you! Thirty years is something that should not be taken for granted. I think it is normal for anyone who just got out of that kind of experience to feel scared and threatened at all times. No one is blaming you for that. Have you tried going to a psychiatrist for a checkup?

MovingForwards

Hope you're doing ok and managing to squirrel out what you need.

RAS

Hoping you are OK madwomanintraining? Appreciate long weekends may make life more challenging.

madwomanintraining

Awful weekend.  Left yesterday and found the room I had rented was awful.  Filthy wasn't the word.  Walls filthy, carpet stained and filthy, broken furniture, walls part plastered, taps not working, to name a few things.   Left there and now in a cheap hotel.  What a mess!

boxer234

madwomanintraining said:

Awful weekend.  Left yesterday and found the room I had rented was awful.  Filthy wasn't the word.  Walls filthy, carpet stained and filthy, broken furniture, walls part plastered, taps not working, to name a few things.   Left there and now in a cheap hotel.  What a mess!

Do you have any family you can stay with ?