How to split bills - help!

kimthomasandaimee

My partner and I have always had a joint bank account but I did not like having no savings of my own and I didn't like how he would question me over every little purchase.
I have got my own bank account now - mostly for savings and small purchases.
He did not want our wages paid directly in to separate accounts so I suggested at the end of each month, the day before payday we could see what was left and work out a way of splitting it. The only problem is that he earns more than me and I have to do loads of overtime to get anywhere near what he earns. 
For example:
Last month he earned after tax: £2570.00
I earned: £1958.20 
So he earned £611.80 more than me.
At the end of the month we have £1325.23 left in the bank account.
He doesn't feel that we should split this equally as he earned more than me.
He wants to take out his £611.80 first and then split the remaining £713.43.
This means that I would then have £356.71 to move to my individual account and he would have £968.51.
And on months where I cannot get the overtime, I would have even less than him.
Does this seem a fair way to do things? Is there a better way to manage shared bills/money/joint and individual accounts?
What do other people do?

tacpot12

My partner and I don't have a joint account. We split out bills as follows: 

We have a monthly budget in Microsoft Excel that shows us all the 'fixed' costs we have such as council tax, pet insurance, car insurance, car tax, electricity and gas, water rates, etc. We also have an amount for food that we spend per month that is also shown on the spreadsheet. We try to arrange it so that we both pay roughly half of these the fixed costs from our own personal accounts. So I will pay all of the council tax, gas and electricity and the car insurance, and my partner will pay all the pet insurance, the car tax, water rates and buy all the food. We then setup a standing order for the difference. We review the spreadsheet whenever one of the fixed bills changes, which is not that often. Most changes happen around the same time of year. 

We also have a spreadsheet in Excel for all the variable items that we spend money on. I want to buy something and want my partner to contribute to the cost because it is a shared cost, I ask her if it is ok to add it to the spreadsheet, and she does the same. So we each pay for shared items out of our personal accounts, but have this way to settle up on a regular basis. Many things we just accept will go on the spreadsheet, like vets bills, fuel for the cars, etc.; we don't have to ask about these.  At the end of the month, the spreadsheet tells us how much each of us has spent, and we make a one-off transfer in whichever direction is required to bring us even, we then clear down the spreadsheet and repeat the following next month. 

This works well enough for us. 

AskAsk

i always find it surprising when i hear couples spend money together, in one bank account!
it would mean everything you buy, your partner would see and vice versa.  you would have absolutely no privacy at all.  and what if one of you spends a lot more than the other one?  that is just a recipe for rows and resentment.  or having to agree on what to spend on for everything?  crazy.

OP - the couples that i know who has a joint account have their own separate ones as well.  they each put money into the joint account for bills each month.  i think the fairest way is to add money into the joint account for bills, split equally between you, unless you can't afford this?

for us, we split the bills each month.  we don't have a joint account although my husband has asked many times that we set one up for bills.  i pay all the bills and he pays me back each month for his share.

for one off purchases, we split the costs when that comes along.

SweetPotatoPie

“ He did not want our wages paid directly in to separate accounts ”

It’s not just up to him. I would work out the bills and pay half into the joint account. That’s it. 

justworriedabit

We did not have joint accounts until recently.
Mr J got paid a lot more than I did then there was a spell I got paid a bit more.
Now we have joint everything other then the cars that don't show joint ownership but
we bought with joint money.
We he, we give birthday presents, other gifts/presents to his or my side of the family/friends, etc - it
goes out of our accounts as 50/50 even without us thinking.
We are married, we trust each other. We both do not squander our money other than pay too much for the tell, home furnishigs, cars etc. We do not throw money away on holidays but we do aim to do before lockdown 3/4 holidays per year most of them long haul.
A wedlock, partnership is 50/50 as far as possible and I've seen too many failed relationships where looking very closely at who earned what and who paid what resulted in break down of that pact.
The day we married and started living together, every thing is 'ours' and his is ours as is mine.  We negotiate on gifts ie the amounts I or he gives to his family or mine and we always, well almost think alike and 100% of the time we are happy with that.

I hope it works out for you and yes, everyone is different.

Silvertabby

On the other hand, we have always had a joint account.  Mr S has always earned more than me and now, in retirement, his pensions will be slightly more than mine.  

But this money has never been 'his and mine'.  Just 'ours'.  It works for us, although I can see problems in relationships when one is a saver and the other a spendthrift.

HampshireH

Married & never had a joint account.

We also have an Excel spreadsheet. It has all our joint expenses on it plus a buffer amount monthly to build up for quarterly bills. Where we have saved money switching from sky, we will pay the difference in so the balance grows. Child benefit is paid into it.

We each pay in 50% . We then pay our own personal expenses, such as car insurance  /credit card if applicable from our own accounts.

Whatever we have left at the end is in our accounts and ours. I'm the saver, purely because I have less personal repayments. But those savings will go towards the next big purchase/house.

We do everything 50/50 even if one pays and the other pays it back because they have another expense at the time. Similar salaries so this is fair and works for us.

If he is taking his money out and then you are splitting what's left and that's 50% each what you put in then it's fair (providing you are happy with 50/50 split despite earning less)

Personally if that's what you are doing then there is no reason not to work out your expenses and just pay that amount into the pot each month.

74jax

I couldn't imagine just having a joint account. My hubby and I often spoil each other, or surprise each other, I'm be paniced he happened to look and saw..... 😂
We each have all our accounts (current and savings), and 1 joint for bills. He puts in around 3/4 of bills and me 1/4 (equal to split of income).
It doesn't matter what others do or don't do. As long as you both agree and it works for you then that's all that matters. 

sheramber

We had joint accounts for all of our 54 years  of marriage.
We never had  my money or  your money.
Incomes varied over the years.
We both worked at the beginning, then I stayed at home to look after kids, then he was made redundant.
I  went back to work , then he started self employment but I earned more than him .
When we retired he had more pension than me.
All money  went into joint accounts. One for  regular bills and the  second for other costs.
Any surplus  was transferred to either of our own accounts ( opened for  interest payments) depending on which has the lesser amount in it at the time. 
The other account would get the surplus the next month.
Money was drawn out as needed .
Maybe it worked because  we had  the same attitude to spending money.
What he needed for his hobbies he got and what I needed I got,  as and when it  was wanted.

maman

It's so refreshing to see some responses that understand that some people like to have some financial privacy and independence. I've seen so many threads where posters imply that if you don't put all the money into one pot and share 'our' money then there is something wrong with the relationship.

DH and I have similar income paid into our own separate accounts. We choose not to have a joint account for bills. Instead we have roughly equal direct debits for household bills from each account. Other expenses go on our credit cards and we split the household expenses on those at the end of each month then pay them off.

What's left in our own accounts is ours to spend/save as we please. All we expect of each other is that if we want to do something together like a holiday or an expensive purchase for the house then we'd each have enough to pay our share. Fortunately we're both responsible with money so that's not a problem for us. 

I think what you need to decide OP is whether you want/expect your partner to make up for the fact that he earns more than you do. It's a discussion you need to have. Some people pay bills pro rata to reflect their earnings others prefer to pay their way 50:50.

Savvy_Sue

There's no right or wrong way to do this, and 'fairness' boils down to "what are you both happy with?" 

Are you happy that he keeps more than you do, because he earns more? Would you feel happier if he contributed more to bills etc? How would he feel about that? There's been a couple of suggestions made. 

One thing I will say: if you can't get to a situation where you're both happy with the arrangements, that's not a good sign. If he insists that you split the bills 50:50, and that he keeps however much more than you he earned, and THEN you split what's left, he doesn't seem as committed to you as you are to him - that's a house-sharing arrangement, not a partnership IMO. Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe because I've never lived with a partner I don't 'get it', but that's my gut feeling.