How to split bills - help!

Spendless

Sorry not read all the thread so this may have been covered, what are all the bills? Some bills have an end date eg childcare, mortgage, others don't ever stop eg council tax, some you have control to an extent over how much they are eg utilities, groceries. Some are completely optional eg holidays.

Are you covering every single bill jointly between you? If not of the savings you each have if your go the way your OH wishes to then what does that cover, who pays for a holiday for example, hair cuts, activities for children to attend like dance lessons.

Whatever way you choose to work this you need an open and frank discussion about your incomings and outgoings both on what constitutes bills and how you spend them and what savings are for.  

GBNI

My OH earns considerably more than me, we have our own separate accounts for wages and then pay the same amount into a joint account and all bills, mortgage etc is paid from it. It means, in the event we did split up I can show I paid my half of everything. Awful way to think, but that's life. I don't see why I should have access to his hard earned cash but he is an incredibly generous person, treats me well and what we do works well for us. We pay for cars out of our own accounts as he has 2 that are dearer to run than mine :'-) 

Sncjw

What we do is we get our wages paid into our own bank account. Then on my payday as my partners can be different to mine we transfer half the money for the Mortgage, water, electric, gas, TV, TV licence, council tax and some change to top up the funds if we need to. Then i put some extra in to cover half the cost of the car and insurance as it comes out of his account.

We then put 200 each into the joint account which I then transfer to to the savings account for our wedding.

Anything left over is what we can use for ourselves for the month and usually take in turns to pay for food shopping or take from joint account. Any credit card bills I have I pay with my money as its spent on me apart from the deposits of for the wedding which 2ill be paid before the 0 percent deal. We are lucky that we earn around the same now but at one point my partner earned less but contributed the same amount as it would be fair. I also said I would help out if he couldn't afford to pay for his share of the bills and he would pay me back but this hasn't happened. 

I think it would stay the same if I went on maternity leave as I get a good pay during this time. 

Sky_

Lover_of_Lycra said:

From previous posts it suggests you have young children with your partner @kimthomasandaimee which leads me to think the family finances should perhaps be considered more holistically than a straight 50/50 split of bills and whatever is left over from your pay is yours and what’s left from his is his. Is your income lower because you do the bulk of the childcare for example? What financial goals do you have as a family? 

If you were a co-habiting couple living together with no children then I’d say paying half of the bills out of your respective incomes resulting in your partner having more disposable income because he earns more isn’t particularly unfair especially in the earlier stages of a relationship. 

This, many times over!  It's apparently still common for women to do the bulk of childcare, housework and household organization, even when both of a couple work similar hours, so if he is being so picky about sharing excess income, then household chores and responsibilities should be examined and shared in the same manner as the household expenses are. 

Is he really this picky, or was he having a bad day or just being a bit blinkered?  Have you sat down together and talked openly about your approaches to money, housework, etc?  If not, I'd start with this.

I also agree that where your salary is paid should be your decision, not your partner's.  He sounds like the old joke about marriage: "what's mine is mine but what's yours is mine too"!  

Good luck!

Pollycat

Lover_of_Lycra said:

From previous posts it suggests you have young children with your partner @kimthomasandaimee which leads me to think the family finances should perhaps be considered more holistically than a straight 50/50 split of bills and whatever is left over from your pay is yours and what’s left from his is his. Is your income lower because you do the bulk of the childcare for example? What financial goals do you have as a family? 

If you were a co-habiting couple living together with no children then I’d say paying half of the bills out of your respective incomes resulting in your partner having more disposable income because he earns more isn’t particularly unfair especially in the earlier stages of a relationship. 

It's possible that the partner the OP talks about in this thread is not the same partner she has children with.

They were splitting up 3 years ago.

And the children were going to live with their Father.

It would be good if the OP could clarify as you have made a very valid point about who does the bulk of the childcare (if it is applicable).

sassyblue

You only earn 75% approx of what your partner earns so imho (since he wants to be pedantic) I’d have my money put into a separate account and make sure he pays 25% more than you do towards all bills.

As for his idea on how to split the remaining money in the account I’d tell him to jog on. Why does he expect 3x what you’re ending up with when he doesn’t earn 3x your wage?

Whatever you do, keep an eye on this man, he does sound unreasonable. 

When we got married hubby wanted us to have a joint account but from then on he wasn’t worried about the money and I took responsibility for bills. We are 24 years down the line and I could have been fleecing him for years for all the notice he takes but money has never been an issue. I think whoever said the important bit is having the same attitude to money is right. We pay the bills, have some takeaways, buy what we want and discuss and save towards bigger purchases. 

Ibrahim5

I am in total control of all the finances. All she has to do is remember which credit card to put her spending on. Seems to work OK.

Ibrahim5

Unfortunately I have no control whatsoever on her spending.

DoctorStrange

Just add up the total bills each month and work our a fair split (and realistically only the couple can decide whether "fair" is 50/50, 60/40, 80/20 etc., taking both the paid and unpaid labour into account)

Then use a joint account funded by both in that proportion, and whatever each earns over and above that they're free to keep.

FTB_Help

I earn a fairly high wage but my fiance is an even higher earner, so he takes home an extra £1k more than i do each month.

We’re buying together, and have put down 25% deposit (me putting down 20%, him the other 5%, as ive been squirreling away for 10 yrs so have more cash).

With our mortgage, we have decided that as he takes home 1k more than me, he'll pay 1k more of the mortgage each month and we'll split the remaining amount 50/50.

We will be putting in an equal amount into our joint account to cover bills and food so bills are split 50/50.

Which then leaves us with equal cash left over in our personal account each month, which we can spend on whatever we feel like.

We think this is the best way for us as it allows us to have more financial independence by having a personal account, without it being scrutinised by the other.

Eventhough I've put in a massive deposit, he is willing to in a sense to  balance that by paying more into the mortgage, and at the end of the month we are financially left with the same disposable income.

When one partner is financially better off than the other it can cause a "shift" in what should be an equal partnership, so i totally see why you may feel a little short changed, bring this up with him.