How to split bills - help!

Ibrahim5

MovingForwards said:

maman said:

Pollycat said:

The OP clearly feels the arrangement they have isn't fair, other wise she wouldn't have posted.

However, 6 pages in and she hasn't come back to comment on the replies.

That's so often the case. Sometimes people just want to vent other times they just want agreement and disappear when it doesn't happen.

It's a regular topic and I'm sure it will appear again. While I agree there is no 'one size fits all' I think the weight of the debate is changing. So many more women have  independence and are used to handling their own finances before entering long term relationships these days that I think there's a growing reluctance to go for 'one pot' and have no privacy in spending.

That being said, even in a previous generation, women would often squirrel away some housekeeping money for personal spending. 

ex-FIL always hated her going into charity shops to buy clothes and shoes in case the neighbours saw her, 

I've got loads of clothes from the charity shops. A lot of the stuff is like new. You never know what you are going to find. Not sure if I have ever been seen.

Pollycat

Ibrahim5 said:

I've got loads of clothes from the charity shops. A lot of the stuff is like new. You never know what you are going to find. Not sure if I have ever been seen.

I'm not sure how long ago MovingForwards is talking but some years ago most charity shops smelled musty and sometimes old-sweaty.

They have changed and I agree you can get a lot of bargains although I think as they often have managers with targets some do price stuff somewhat expensively.

There is a charity shop bargains thread on the Old Style board that has been running for years.

I've been shopping in charity shops for many years.

I don't find there is a stigma attached.

But from what MovingForwards said about her ex-FIL I'm not surprised that he didn't want anyone to know where his wife bought her clothes.

MovingForwards

I've been using charity shops for years, I also used to use the one ex-MIL would go in, it never smelt musty. Since I started over, 5 years ago, there has only been 2 which smelt musty but they were in very old, damp buildings. 

They, or should I say ex-FIL, had more than enough money to see them through retirement even if he would have given ex-MIL a bigger budget. 

Spendless

MovingForwards said:

I've been using charity shops for years, I also used to use the one ex-MIL would go in, it never smelt musty. Since I started over, 5 years ago, there has only been 2 which smelt musty but they were in very old, damp buildings. 

They, or should I say ex-FIL, had more than enough money to see them through retirement even if he would have given ex-MIL a bigger budget. 

5 years ago, many had started shopping at charity shops. Go back at least 30 years if not longer still and there was often a stigma attached.
I used to shop in them and pick up DD's clothes for whatever drama production she was in. As a young teen she used to moan like mad about it, until the day she spotted a designer label - lol. A few years on and she wants to visit charity shops in more affluent areas than we live to see what she can find hahaha. 

HampshireH

I love a charity shop. I plan mini trips to the shopping areas which have 4 or 5 in a small area if I'm after something so I can browse them all.

My family absolutely won't go in one.

I did a London trip once just to hit the charity shops.  Was a Great day out.....I got stuck on a bus in the middle of nowhere I was meant to be🤦🏻‍♀️

strawb_shortcake

HampshireH said:

I love a charity shop. I plan mini trips to the shopping areas which have 4 or 5 in a small area if I'm after something so I can browse them all.

My family absolutely won't go in one.

I did a London trip once just to hit the charity shops.  Was a Great day out.....I got stuck on a bus in the middle of nowhere I was meant to be🤦🏻‍♀️

Years ago I went on a trip to London, lunch, shopping theatre. My Husband gave me £160 spending money. I spent £1.50 on a book in a charity shop. It is pretty much all I buy from charity shops.
My Husband said he's seen Irregular choice shoes and handbags in some shops but not sure if that's just a ploy to get me in more. I have ventured in more as I get fed up waiting outside, but some I've walked straight back out of as the smell has been so bad.

MovingForwards

Spendless said:

MovingForwards said:

I've been using charity shops for years, I also used to use the one ex-MIL would go in, it never smelt musty. Since I started over, 5 years ago, there has only been 2 which smelt musty but they were in very old, damp buildings. 

They, or should I say ex-FIL, had more than enough money to see them through retirement even if he would have given ex-MIL a bigger budget. 

5 years ago, many had started shopping at charity shops. Go back at least 30 years if not longer still and there was often a stigma attached.
I used to shop in them and pick up DD's clothes for whatever drama production she was in. As a young teen she used to moan like mad about it, until the day she spotted a designer label - lol. A few years on and she wants to visit charity shops in more affluent areas than we live to see what she can find hahaha. 

It was the 21 years before that which also caused problems, but that was ex-FIL issue.

puddles

I always find these type of treads fascinating, just to see how other people do things and what works for them.

My wife and I have been married for 17 years and have had a joint bank account for all that time and more. I earn a lot more than her and always have done, sometimes over three times as much. All our money goes into that one account and she has no idea about our finances and is really not interested. I make sure everything is paid and money goes into savings. Neither of us spend a great deal on 'stuff' and neither of us mind the other spending money when we do. It doesn't bother me in the slightest that I've contributed far more over the years on things like the house, which is in both our names, or holidays etc. 

If we did split things she'd have no money and wouldn't even be able to cover her half of the mortgage and bills etc. and I'd have a savings account all to myself. That would be a horrible situation to be in from my viewpoint.

We've never even talked about having separate accounts. As I said at the start though, that works for us, but everyone is different and we can't judge others based on our own individual circumstances.

Gavin83

I’m married and we lived together for about 5 years before that. We both have our own bank accounts that we pay our salaries into and then we have a joint account that we pay the same amount into each month for bills. We also have a joint savings account as well as our own separate savings accounts.

Both me and my wife are fairly high earners and we earn about the same. In fact, by some coincidence we’ve always earned about the same and it seems when one of us gets a promotion/pay rise the other does too. I expect if one of us started earning a lot more than the other that person would contribute more to the mortgage/bills or joint savings. If the circumstances changed I wouldn’t be comfortable having a high disposable income while my wife struggled each month and I know she’d feel the same.

Our current setup works for us and we’re both happy with it. Like most elements of our relationship we review it every so often but we’ve seen no reason to change it yet. As long as both are happy with the decision it’s really not for anyone else to question, regardless of what that setup is.

burlingtonfl6

I think it's ironic that people seem to be happy with the higher earning partner paying a larger percentage towards the mortgage and bills when they're married but when it come to a divorce they seem to want at least 50%