How to split bills - help!

JamoLew

Its always tricky when one partner earns a significant amount more than the other.

I would always wonder why as an analogy --if one person eats half the cake and the other eats the other half, why should one have to pay more just because they earn more.

just glad we've never had this issue and have always been in agreement with our finances

maman

I'm another who has never had to face this problem. I met my DH on at university. It was his drive and ambition, which matched mine, which was part of the attraction. We were on the same page. This subsequently translated into earning power. Regardless of finances I'm not sure I'd be happy with someone who didn't feel the same about learning and challenge. I maybe could handle choices like charity work or public service that pay less than some private sector roles but I'd expect that those choices would need to be a joint decision. It's a bit like deciding to share finances while children are young. I suppose it depends on what attracted you to the relationship in the first place. 

wannabe_a_saver

Let's face it, we all know that the highest paying jobs aren't usually the ones that do the most good for society!  I think the pandemic has made that clear for some people who didn't realise it before. 

All the 'drive and ambition' in the world doesn't put food on the table without all the many low paid workers who get it from the ground to your home, and that drive and ambition does you no good when you get a nasty illness and need to be cared for by people earning a pittance. 

Retireinten

We're in the camp of completely joint finances.  Aside for a couple of years maternity and three day a week working I have earned as much if not more than my husband throughout our relationship. I've also managed the bulk of the childcare and household chores.

We have long term goals that we are both signed up to, mainly some house renovations and retirement saving. I currently take home £900 a month more than him, although this is temporary, I usually earn £500 more.

When my net pay surpassed his by a noticable amount I wanted to pay the difference into a pension (we have a savings gap, I didn't want us to get too used to the extra money and we'd get the added benefit of tax relief). Husband wasn't keen on this idea, he wanted us to boost our cash savings so I agreed.

Fast forward a year he's insisted on two expensive purchases well into the thousands that I didn't agree with and it very much felt like he was spending the extra money I was earning.  Needless to say, a good chunk of the extra money I earn is now being paid into a pension.  This is probably the first time in a 25 year relationship where I felt we needed to split our finances.  We are definitely a combination of spendthrift and saver and I would say in the past I've given in to his big spends and just worked out how to pay for them.  But as I get older and have more of an eye on the future, I'm less inclined to see our money wasted. 


I can see why a partner would be unhappy sharing their higher earnings if they are not on the same page with spending and savings. This is about compromise and what works for you as a couple now may need to be renegotiated  throughout your relationship. 

Ibrahim5

It reminds me of going to a restaurant and then everyone arguing about the bill at the end. I can't imagine being married and doing that with everything!

Siebrie

Can you calculate it so that you have the same amount left in your private accounts? That way, he contributes more to the joint account (which is to both of you's benefit), and you will have the same amount privately. You can choose to fill pension plans from the joint account.

One problem with splitting bills 50/50 is that the lower earner will have hardly anything left, and is likely to pay 'small' stuff from that private amount, for instance birthday cards, stamps, parking, or a bunch of flowers for the home. A second problem is that the higher earner may insist on for instance taking out more expensive subscriptions, that the lower earner would not take out on their own, and insist the lower earner contributes half to, for instance extra tv channels and more expensive food.

Spendless

wannabe_a_saver said:

Let's face it, we all know that the highest paying jobs aren't usually the ones that do the most good for society!  I think the pandemic has made that clear for some people who didn't realise it before. 

All the 'drive and ambition' in the world doesn't put food on the table without all the many low paid workers who get it from the ground to your home, and that drive and ambition does you no good when you get a nasty illness and need to be cared for by people earning a pittance. 

Isn't that the truth. We all have our measure of what 'successful' means. My daughter has a friend, whose parent has been both successful and well paid in the field that they work. Earning enough to have all 3 kids privately educated, fantastic house, lovely holidays and good connections. By comparison though husband earns far above min wage, we live in an 'ordinary' semi and kids went to state education. Then came a pandemic and friend's Dad's job encompasses two of the worst hit industries (tourism and entertainment)  with the consequence he has earned nothing in a year and that has an impact on the future of all 3 kids education including further and higher education. Meanwhile DH has kept his job continued to earn and hasn't been impacted in the same way, purely chance nothing to do with drive, ambition, education or anything else, just the pandemic has affected some industries and not others.  

maman

Ibrahim5 said:

It reminds me of going to a restaurant and then everyone arguing about the bill at the end. I can't imagine being married and doing that with everything!

That's exactly why we choose to have separate finances and split our bills 50:50. Just like in a restaurant: The bill comes, we split it between 6 ( or whatever size the group is) and all pay our share. I've yet to visit a restaurant where the waiter brings the bill and says 'you look a bit wealthier than your partner so you can pay the bill'. 

wannabe_a_saver

maman said:

Ibrahim5 said:

It reminds me of going to a restaurant and then everyone arguing about the bill at the end. I can't imagine being married and doing that with everything!

That's exactly why we choose to have separate finances and split our bills 50:50. Just like in a restaurant: The bill comes, we split it between 6 ( or whatever size the group is) and all pay our share. I've yet to visit a restaurant where the waiter brings the bill and says 'you look a bit wealthier than your partner so you can pay the bill'. 

Ah but then you get into the whole question of whether you should just split by 6 or whether everybody pays for what they ordered, your way sounds more like the latter.  Then a couple with very different incomes could go to the same restaurant, one has a bread roll and the other gets the lobster!

AskAsk

wannabe_a_saver said:

maman said:

Ibrahim5 said:

It reminds me of going to a restaurant and then everyone arguing about the bill at the end. I can't imagine being married and doing that with everything!

That's exactly why we choose to have separate finances and split our bills 50:50. Just like in a restaurant: The bill comes, we split it between 6 ( or whatever size the group is) and all pay our share. I've yet to visit a restaurant where the waiter brings the bill and says 'you look a bit wealthier than your partner so you can pay the bill'. 

Ah but then you get into the whole question of whether you should just split by 6 or whether everybody pays for what they ordered, your way sounds more like the latter.  Then a couple with very different incomes could go to the same restaurant, one has a bread roll and the other gets the lobster!

splitting finances is never easy, even if all the money goes into one account as there will often be friction about spending.  it is inevitable.  with couples even splitting 50:50 for bills, there will often be leeway for one person to pay more if they feel it is not fair to split 50:50 and if one partner earns more than the other partner.

i don't think there is any ideal way and it only works when both partners agree to it and are happy with it, which means it will be up to individual couples to set up an arrangement that they will both be happy with.  just like anything else in a relationship, nothing is simple when you have to work as one and you clearly are two individuals.