How to split bills - help!

justworriedabit

sheramber said:

We had joint accounts for all of our 54 years  of marriage.
We never had  my money or  your money.
Incomes varied over the years.
We both worked at the beginning, then I stayed at home to look after kids, then he was made redundant.
I  went back to work , then he started self employment but I earned more than him .
When we retired he had more pension than me.
All money  went into joint accounts. One for  regular bills and the  second for other costs.
Any surplus  was transferred to either of our own accounts ( opened for  interest payments) depending on which has the lesser amount in it at the time. 
The other account would get the surplus the next month.
Money was drawn out as needed .
Maybe it worked because  we had  the same attitude to spending money.
What he needed for his hobbies he got and what I needed I got,  as and when it  was wanted.

The highlighted bit, you'e hit the nail firmly on its head.
That is who we operate as this shows trust.
Before I got married, I took an x amount every weeks to enjoy myself, not since marrying I don't
Joints accounts are based on trust, fairness and love. Whats the point of marrying if you still act
little a kid living with parents who are on your case to make yo save but you want your pocket money.

We've had seperate accounts and when we moved banks we decided to go, joint

Btw, we do not have a joint cc.  this is used to track how much we are spending and it's in Mr J's name.  We rarely used our debit cars ie joint accounts as cc offers better protection i am led to see.

The CC is used by both of us, his name, all online shopping etc, or if when we, he or me go out - we both share the same pins for the debit cars and cc's.  I'm authorised to to seek info etc on Mr J's card - easier to keep track og how much we are spending and we never pay a penny in interest/etc.

MalMonroe

It doesn't seem fair to me. And if I were in your situation I'd want my very own bank account because your partner sounds very controlling. Why didn't he want your wages paid directly in to separate accounts? How come he gets to make all the decisions? 

I would rather have my own bank account with my own money paid in and then I'd pay half of everything. But I don't think I would be able to be in a relationship if my partner was mean. 

The only time I was in a serious relationship was when I was married and we just had one bank account, put all our money in there and shared it. Especially when we had a child. My husband earned more than me (obviously, he was a man and we women still haven't managed to gain equality) but we pooled all our resources. Everything. Never even thought about it. Large purchases were always discussed and even some small purchases were, we supermarket shopped together. We trusted each other and were very open about everything. Oh - until he had an affair and ruined the whole thing, that is! But even then he gave me the marital home because I was raising our child and he started again from scratch elsewhere with a new partner. 

If your partner's domineering ways didn't bother you there wouldn't be a problem but they do - or you wouldn't be asking a bunch of strangers on this forum for help. Your post is all about what he does and does not want and what he feels and does not feel, what about you?

Maybe it's time for the two of you to sit down and have a serious conversation. Tell him about your wants and needs. Find a way to handle your joint finances that suits the two of you, not just him. 

gettingtheresometime

We had a joint bank account when we first got married but whenever we went overdrawn, I'd get hauled into to see my manager as, working in a bank you weren't supposed to go overdrawn so we soon changed to separate accounts.

only time it's ever been an issue was if we get a cheque made payable to both of us but that was always quickly resolved

wannabe_a_saver

Sounds like he needs to learn the meaning of two words: 'partnership' and 'sharing'. 
That doesn't need to mean a joint account, it does mean that he needs to start seeing that what you both earn is a contribution to your partnership. of equal value, to benefit you both. 
Its going to be really odd when you come to plan your next holiday and he can go to Barbados 5 star for a fortnight while you do a week in benidorm. 

It also sounds like he things he is in charge of the relationship.  Not good, who made him the boss of you?

Retireinten

I think it's not uncommon for one partner to take overall responsibility for the finances.  My husband will be the first to admit he is not in the slightest bit interested in the household finances and that he's also a bit of a spendthrift. He says he would be living out the back of a very, very expensive car if left to his own devices. So I take the lead - and yes, trying to manage a household of four to a budget can be a bit of a thankless task at times, which does require the use of words such as  'No' or 'Not yet'. 
 
I suggest you either split the bills OR agree an amount for personal spends each month that you can move to a separate account and spend as you wish. If you go for the bill split, you need to decide if 50/50 is fair given the difference in income. As the higher earner I would be happy to pay a larger portion of the bills to even out the personal spends - but I would actually prefer a personal spends budget each month and then you can agree what to do with the remaining surplus. 

You really do need to consider your longer term goals. It sounds like you have a fair amount left each month. What is actually happening with this? Is your partner wanting to save for a specific purchase and sees this split as risking your joint longer term goals? 

However you manage your finances you need to be on the same page ultimately.  If someone wants to blow £500 a month whilst their partner is desperately trying to save for a house deposit for the two of you, then I can see where resentment could form. Just a thought. 

Ibrahim5

It sounds as though she is not very good at obeying him. Could be problems ahead.

CookieMonster

kimthomasandaimee said:

My partner and I have always had a joint bank account but I did not like having no savings of my own and I didn't like how he would question me over every little purchase.
I have got my own bank account now - mostly for savings and small purchases.
He did not want our wages paid directly in to separate accounts so I suggested at the end of each month, the day before payday we could see what was left and work out a way of splitting it. The only problem is that he earns more than me and I have to do loads of overtime to get anywhere near what he earns. 
For example:
Last month he earned after tax: £2570.00
I earned: £1958.20 
So he earned £611.80 more than me.
At the end of the month we have £1325.23 left in the bank account.
He doesn't feel that we should split this equally as he earned more than me.
He wants to take out his £611.80 first and then split the remaining £713.43.
This means that I would then have £356.71 to move to my individual account and he would have £968.51.
And on months where I cannot get the overtime, I would have even less than him.
Does this seem a fair way to do things? Is there a better way to manage shared bills/money/joint and individual accounts?
What do other people do?

So you want your partner to give you money he has earned?
Having a joint account into which you both pay enough for half the direct debits each for the shared bills, food and mortgage/rent would be fair. Use your own accounts for your own purchases.
Your partner appears to be in agreement with the ideals of equality, not wanting to patronise you with a handout.
If you want/need more money, get a job which pays the same as your partner. Then it's a moot point.

pjcox2005

You refer to partner but it sort of depends what stage of the relationship you're in although i presume pretty serious as you're living together, and I expect it also depends on how much money you have.
We've done variations throughout our relationship from separate accounts, bills account and now joint accounts. Start we earnt the same, now I'm much higher with kids along. It's also a lot easier to not worry about how things are split if your comfortable and know each other can buy things without a big impact, whereas if you're trying to put initial savings in place/deposit i'd expect it becomes more emotive on how the earnings are split.

MovingForwards

Never had a joint account with my ex and was with him for 21 years, all bills came out of my account as they wouldn't get paid if it was from his account.

Been with my partner for over 4 years. Slightly different now as there's a mortgage in my name, rather than a joint tenancy agreement.
I have all bills, aside from Netflix, internet and his phone, coming out of my account and my OH sends a lump-sum each month. Which goes straight into savings for us.
In the rentals we split the rent 50/50, I paid CT (Inc water) and he paid gas, electric, internet and Netflix. All balanced. 
In all scenarios whoever was passing the supermarket did the shopping, whoever suggests take-away, day trips etc pays.

In your situation I would be having my wages paid into my account and transfer some each month to cover the bills.

pollypenny

Ibrahim5 said:

It sounds as though she is not very good at obeying him. Could be problems ahead.

Good joke!   😄😄