Arguing over a house move - who's being unreasonable

theoretica

Something else to think about is would you need a mortgage?  Would you be likely to get one with your current job situations?

getmore4less

When see the titles my first though is everyone......

now to read the thread..

Nope you are find the wife needs sorting.

4 into 1 does not go.

if that livery is full,  it won't be free in your own field, they still need feeding.

My guess is you will have stables going up before your extension the horses will live better than you

MrBrindle

Sea_Shell said:

Another vote for "you are not being unreasonable".

However, even if you had 1000 "internet" people agreeing with you, how is that going to influence your partner, if they won't listen to you?

Are you married?  Own your current home jointly?

Yeah I know, I just needed to gauge other people's opinions on the matter, because I'm just being made out to be the baddie here and stopping her 'living her dreams'.

Not married, but yes, own the house jointly. 

Mojisola

MrBrindle said:

Had second child in 2017, partner become severely depressed (post natal depression and more)

Has this been completely resolved or is she constantly wanting to move because she thinks the new place will resolve whatever issues she isn't dealing with?

jennystarpepper

How old are your children, are any of them old enough to know what you wife wants and do they have an opinion?  If any of them are over about 10, do  they know  what impact it will have on them?  Your wife should take into consideration if they are happy or not.

If your wife thinks you are being selfish by not moving, then you need to be.  From what you have said about your mental health you still need support.  Sometimes when we have difficult times it can take a long time for health to improve, she maybe needs to realise you still need support and your illness will alter your future.... in sickness and in health.  

I hope things work out for you.  You are definitely not unreasonable.  

Marvel1

Ask her what she thinks the sleeping arrangements are going to be the impact on the children.

MrBrindle

Sorry, it's a 2 bed cottage not 1 bed. It was a one bed house with land she liked last year. Got the two mixed up. However I still think it's not right moving down to 2 beds in a very small cottage

MrBrindle

Mojisola said:

MrBrindle said:

Had second child in 2017, partner become severely depressed (post natal depression and more)

Has this been completely resolved or is she constantly wanting to move because she thinks the new place will resolve whatever issues she isn't dealing with?

I think it has been resolved, although she's always looked at houses - out of curiosity and to romanticise I think. This began when she become a stay at home mum. 

However she's always had the mentality 'if I get this I will be happier'.....not sure what that's called.

Pollycat

MrBrindle said:

I think it has been resolved, although she's always looked at houses - out of curiosity and to romanticise I think. This began when she become a stay at home mum. 

However she's always had the mentality 'if I get this I will be happier'.....not sure what that's called.

The grass is always greener on the other side...? (it isn't)

Savvy_Sue

Sea_Shell said:

Another vote for "you are not being unreasonable".

And another one here ... 

Sea_Shell said:

However, even if you had 1000 "internet" people agreeing with you, how is that going to influence your partner, if they won't listen to you?

I think this is where you need to tackle the problem. 

I also think it's likely that there is an underlying element of depression / 'everything would be fine if I could just fix THIS' in her thinking - and that's not easy to resolve. 

And I also think that as long as she feels you are responding with 'I am right and you are wrong', she will not want to hear it. She does need to feel that you have 'heard' her - I'm not saying you haven't 'heard' her, but she needs to FEEL that you have 'heard' her. 

Who can you turn to as a couple? Not to convince her that you are right and she is wrong (however much we internet people may feel that is the case), but to work with you to find a way forward.  

You may not know but Relate don't just deal with married people, and I really think that this needs tackling as a couple. If she won't consider this you can see them on your own, and that might also be helpful to you. Bottom line is, what happens if you WON'T move and she won't NOT move? 

BTW - and this is not something to say to her, but I'd be thinking it - you are stopping her living HER dreams? What about YOUR dreams?