I don't trust my family. Am I being paranoid?

Manxman_in_exile

Aranyani said:

Ok, thanks.  Funny thing to get blocked for! 

I agree!  !!!!!! does "Yarp" mean?  Where I come from the opposite of "Nope" is "Yep" not "Yarp".

It is weird to get blocked for - mind you, Moneyseeker1 liked it which tells you all you need to know...

Malthusian

"Yarp" was instantly recoginsable to me, possibly because I've read too many Stephen King novels set in the Northeastern US.

I would say the opposite of "yarp" is "naw".

strawb_shortcake

Yarp is quite common in the south west of England too. 
I forget local colloquialisms are just that, for a long time I thought daps would universally be known as trainers.

Murphy_The_Cat

Hot Fuzz is the only time I've come across yarp

Nanako

Wow, this is a huge response, thank you everyone. I've been so busy dealing with things lately, i haven't had time to read this. But i

will, i'm going to read through every post in this thread and hand out thanks!

For those of you who have an interest in this story, i do have some updates. My aunt has been a lifesaver through this, I was completely wrong about her. She's been giving lots of advice, acting as a voice of reason, and she knows her way around the law.

One of my uncles has been largely disinterested, he doesn't seem to be taking part and i'm not worried about him.

The other uncle though, has been a nightmare. It seems i was right to be worried about family.  He stole the car from my mother's house, and sold it. For a hundred bucks. Which he kept for himself, and didn't tell anyone about. I don't know what he's spent that on, likely some kind of drug addiction.  He admits it, and there are plenty of witnesses, but he denies any wrongdoing. He's somehow got a twisted belief that what he did was legal. On top of that, there has been a complete breakdown in communication with him. He's blocked me on the phone, whenever we meet in person he consciously ignores me, to a childish degree. Walking out of the room when i try to talk to him, it's maddening. He's unapologetic, adamant, and seems to be on some kind of personal vendetta against me

Thankfully, the person who he sold it to is one of my cousins, she's been mostly amenable and i'm fairly confident about getting it back, though there will be some cost involved.

I'm pretty certain that what my uncle has done here is a crime. I haven't called the police yet, I'm naturally hesitant to bring the law into family matters. But his lack of communication, and the fact that recovering it is going to cost me money, is making me think hard about calling them. If he won't cooperate, I'll probably file a report for theft and fraud.

It seems to be a crime of opportunity, he was staying in my grandma's house, where the keys to the car were stored, the box of documents (including everything car related) was accessible, and the car itself parked just outside. All of these things have now been removed and i'll be keeping a tight hold on sensitive matters

For now, i'm trying to arange a probate lawyer, we fouind a specialist who seems suitable, and i've sent them an opening email with lots of information, including a summary of the problem described above. It's been almost three days and no reply, i gave them a call, they assured me they got my mail and are working on it. Perhaps the sheer volume of stuff i gave is taking a while to sort through. I'll be seeking their advice regarding what to do about this troublesome uncle, though i'm not sure if this even falls in the realm of expertise for a probate specialist

I would appreciate any advice you guys might have on that matter. And i'll read back through this thread to see what you've all written, and to answer any questions!

Nanako

You or your sister have priority in being appointed as the executor. As an able bodied sane minded adult, I would recommend that you apply to be your mother's executor as soon as possible. This will put you in control of the situation.

You need to change the locks on the doors to the property. Just tell them you are doing so because you think that other people (not family members) may have keys and you need to protect the property.

I would also keep a close eye on the funeral arrangements. Tell the funeral director that you are going to be the executor and that all funeral costs need to be approved by you otherwise the estate will not pay them. 

Thankfully i was paranoid about the executor part, nobody else has made any moves on that front, and I'm now contacting a lawyer to make arrangements.

I have also been in touch with the undertaker and assured him i'll be handling payment

Changing the locks shouldn't be necessary, there are only two keys and I now control them both. Unfortunately, until a few days ago, one of those keyrings also held the only key to the car. That key was stolen and illegally sold by my uncle, though the rest of the keys were left behind

Nanako

Robert_McGeddon said:

If you haven't already notified your Mum's bank(s) of her death you should do so pronto to freeze the account(s).

I haven't done this, its a good point, thank you. I'll put it on my todo list!

Nanako

Aranyani said:

You say that you are able bodied and sane minded, but is it possible that there is some reason they see you and your sister as vulnerable or not able to handle this without their help?  How old are you both?

It has only been three days since something very very sad and traumatic happened to you, I'm not sure anybody would be able to think straight in your shoes right now. 

Have your mum's siblings been kind and loving to you in the past?  Have you had a good relationship up until now?

I am 32, my sister is 28.  There are some things that may have affected their judgement - i think you're right there, they didn't see me as able. But i'm fairly confident now that i have dispelled that impression, and that they have confidence in me to handle things.

I have not cried at all, i don't know why. Maybe just too busy, i'm not feeling much of anything, and its been well over a week now. All i'm thinking about is paperwork, phonecalls, arrangements, legalities

I've had a mixed relationship with my aunts and uncles, not always rosy and wholesome, but theres only ever been one major incident in the past, and it was with the other uncle who is not interfering. This car theft has come out of the blue

Nanako

Tigsteroonie said:
I'm noting that the box of documents has gone to your grandmother's house, presumably you have tried to get that back; how did they react to you doing so? Or have you not felt brave enough to try? (((hugs)))

the box of documents was a huge worry, and I was right to be worried about it, since my uncle stole various car-related things from the box to give an appearance of legitimacy to his fraudulent sale.

After this incident, I have taken control of the documents, and nobody objected. I highly doubt they will, since there's now a proven security risk from keeping them out of my reach. Everything stays with me from now on

Nanako

pollyanna_26 said:

OP did you and your sister invite these relatives?

they were not specifically invited, but my grandmother has always acted as the centre of the family, in many senses, including geographical. Her house has an open door policy, and for everyone, keeping the keys sensitive materials there seemed the natural thing to do, i guess.

That has changed now