I don't trust my family. Am I being paranoid?

Nanako

Edit: Thanks for all the replies, i'm currently reading through them. I've posted an update regarding a major development Here: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/77745681/#Comment_77745681

Hello everyone, the short version is, my mother just died without a will, and i'm concerned that her brothers and sisters are trying to steal the inheritance that should belong to myself and my sister

here's a brief overview of my current situation:

-I found my mother dead three days ago. Emergency services were notified, we had to hire an undertaker to remove her body.

-I am her eldest daughter of two. I'm an able bodied, sane minded adult

-My uncle recommended a friend of his in the undertaking business, whose services we contracted

-She has been taken to a hospital, and there will be a post mortem in nine days, no death certificate until then

-She died without a will, no lawyer has been retained yet.

-She leaves behind two children. Myself and my younger sister. She was divorced from our father

Now the thing is, her brother and sister have come up from england. in addition to the uncle who picked the undertaker, she has a total of two brothers and a sister.They are all helping with the arrangements, to put it lightly. They've become rather aggressive about helping out, and seem keen on entirely taking over the planning of everything.

They have all gotten short with me, and while nobody's said it, it's painfully obvious they don't think i should be dealing with the estate. While some help might be nice in this trying time, I don't trust their motivations. I think the three of them are looking to score themselves a piece of the pie. I can't help feeling guilty for that thought, but it persists. They all have their own financial issues, and getting some cut of the house's sale value would benefit them greatly.. As the firstborn, it seems like handling these arrangements should be my duty. A box of important documents i collated, including the deed to the house, they've taken ahold of for safe keeping. its being kept in my grandmother's house, publicly accessible to any visitor, i'm concerned about the security of the things in there. They're not asking for my help, they don't want it. It's abundantly clear they'd like me to sit back and do nothing while they make all the arrangements. And i'm not comfortable with thoughts of what they might do without my oversight.

The inheritance at stake here isn't a huge amount, the only real thing of value is the house. It was my intention to sell it and split the money evenly with my sister, i don't want to get greedy here. But she didn't owe anything to her brothers and sisters, as far as i'm aware they have no claim to anything. But i don't have any experience with this sort of thing, i've no idea what kind of legal tricks they might pull

Things are moving fast. My aunt (mum's sister) is likely going to have a lawyer picked by the end of today. I fear she's going to try to get herself named executor of the estate.

If she does, can i contest that? How is it decided? Do i automatically take precedence by being the firstborn child? My aunt certainly has more experience in legal and financial matters, but i don't trust her motivations. I asked her directly if she wanted anything from the house, and she got evasive. Evasiveness and delays are the order of the day whenever the subject comes up. If they're not actively trying to get something, they are at least hopeful. Certainly nobody is keen to offer assurances that they have no interest in the money.

I apologise if this seems rambling. I'm worried that the whole situation is spiralling out of my control. And more importantly, into someone else's.

My core questions here:

1. What rights and responsibilities do i have as the eldest child? How much can her brothers and sisters contest our claim to the estate?

2. Do i have a say in who is named executor? Can i challenge that selection?

3. What could brothers and sisters of the deceased feasibly do to get ahold of inheritance meant for children?

4. What happens if more than one person calls a lawyer to administer things. How is it decided who will do that? Should i be calling one now to pre-empt my aunt?

5. Do i sound like i'm being paranoid ?

Flugelhorn

Did she leave a will?

My core questions here:

1. What rights and responsibilities do i have as the eldest child? How much can her brothers and sisters contest our claim to the estate? As an adult child (any child not just the eldest) you probably have first call on administering the estate - https://www.bereavementadvice.org/topics/probate-and-legal/confirmation-in-scotland-without-a-will/

2. Do i have a say in who is named executor? Can i challenge that selection?  as above

3. What could brothers and sisters of the deceased feasibly do to get ahold of inheritance meant for children?  see here (I take it you are in Scotland -https://beyond.life/help-centre/admin-legal/dying-intestate-in-scotland-scottish-inheritance-law-explained/

4. What happens if more than one person calls a lawyer to administer things. How is it decided who will do that? Should i be calling one now to pre-empt my aunt? you may not need a lawyer  to handle the estate - you just need to make sure you get the death cert and register the death 

5. Do i sound like i'm being paranoid ? no it is incredibly stressful - possible they are just trying to be helpful - families can be funny like that 

tacpot12

I don't think you are being paranoid. As Flugelhorn says, families can be very funny at times, especially when under stress. 

You or your sister have priority in being appointed as the executor. As an able bodied sane minded adult, I would recommend that you apply to be your mother's executor as soon as possible. This will put you in control of the situation. I would suggest you try to agree with your sister that she will not apply for executorship herself in spite of any pressure from the rest of the family. There is nothing to stop you asking your aunt for help, but only once you are in control. 

If you think you need the help of a lawyer to follow the process that you need to follow, I would get one in place before the post mortem takes place, so that you can move as soon as you have the death certificate. You don't need to sort it today, but I would start calling around and getting prices to complete the application to the Sherrif's court. Don't let the solicitor talk you into paying them to administer the estate. You can do this, and you can always go back to them if they did a good job, to ask for more help. 

You need to change the locks on the doors to the property. Just tell them you are doing so because you think that other people (not family members) may have keys and you need to protect the property.

I would also keep a close eye on the funeral arrangements. Tell the funeral director that you are going to be the executor and that all funeral costs need to be approved by you otherwise the estate will not pay them. 

Keep_pedalling

Just tell them to butt out, that as you and your sister are the only people entitled to wind up the estate and that if you need any legal assistance to do it that you will appoint someone of your choice. 

Robert_McGeddon

If you haven't already notified your Mum's bank(s) of her death you should do so pronto to freeze the account(s).

pollyanna_26

I don't think you're being paranoid. Some strange people can come out of the woodwork and attempt to take control sometimes with bad intent.

I'm assuming you're in Scotland as you say aunt and uncle came up from England. Look up the laws re inheritence in Scotland as they differ from other parts of the UK. Someone mentioned changing the house locks I would do that. I would be very tempted to report them for crossing the Scottish border which is s big no during the pandemic. There are strict laws in place and they've broken them.

pollyx

Aranyani

You say that you are able bodied and sane minded, but is it possible that there is some reason they see you and your sister as vulnerable or not able to handle this without their help?  How old are you both?

It has only been three days since something very very sad and traumatic happened to you, I'm not sure anybody would be able to think straight in your shoes right now. 

Have your mum's siblings been kind and loving to you in the past?  Have you had a good relationship up until now?

Keep_pedalling

pollyanna_26 said:

I don't think you're being paranoid. Some strange people can come out of the woodwork and attempt to take control sometimes with bad intent.

I'm assuming you're in Scotland as you say aunt and uncle came up from England. Look up the laws re inheritence in Scotland as they differ from other parts of the UK. Someone mentioned changing the house locks I would do that. I would be very tempted to report them for crossing the Scottish border which is s big no during the pandemic. There are strict laws in place and they've broken them.

pollyx

Travelling from England to Scotland is not currently prohibited, no law has been broken.

Tigsteroonie

No offence Nanako but do they think you are too young and likely to be too distressed to handle this yourself? You will be grieving. Be kind and remember that they are grieving too; you also mention your grandmother who probably didn't expect to bury her daughter, they may have come up to support her. 

I'm noting that the box of documents has gone to your grandmother's house, presumably you have tried to get that back; how did they react to you doing so? Or have you not felt brave enough to try? (((hugs)))

pollyanna_26

Keep_pedalling said:

pollyanna_26 said:

I don't think you're being paranoid. Some strange people can come out of the woodwork and attempt to take control sometimes with bad intent.

I'm assuming you're in Scotland as you say aunt and uncle came up from England. Look up the laws re inheritence in Scotland as they differ from other parts of the UK. Someone mentioned changing the house locks I would do that. I would be very tempted to report them for crossing the Scottish border which is s big no during the pandemic. There are strict laws in place and they've broken them.

pollyx

Travelling from England to Scotland is not currently prohibited, no law has been broken.

Sorry it seems I'm not up to date.

OP did you and your sister invite these relatives? They may be well meaning but many times there have been long and expensive legal cases due to attempted financial abuse after a death often when no will exists.

It's one thing to offer help but not right to remove important documents and try to take control from legal next of kin.

You can find imformation online to guide you through the steps you need to take. Informing dwp if your mum had a pension and or state benefits. Her bank and many others can be dealt with by using Tell Us Once which will cover many things that need reporting.

It comes across you're feeling sidelined when it's highly likely yourself and sister are capable of dealing with things yourself.. Even if they are trying to help you need to have a conversation. Sometimes doing the last thing you can for your mum can help with the grieving process.

pollyx

MoneySeeker1

If there's no Will - then the laws of intestacy will apply.

Those laws are very fair and award an estate to the nearest relatives. You and your sister would be due to have 50% each of the estate under those laws - and that is what will apply unless a Will is found.

You could check with Certainty (the National Will Register) to see if they are aware of a Will being in existence - millions of people that have made Wills have it registered with Certainty that they have a Will and where that will is stored. My own will is registered there - and it cost just £30 to do so (my solicitor didn't even charge me for their time/effort to do that when I asked them recently and just charged the £30 cost price - and it is something an individual can do themselves without going through a solicitor - so your mother might have done that).