Husband has willed our home to Daughter without consulting me 😢

gettingtheresometime

GoodLuckGemma said:

KatrinaWaves said:

GoodLuckGemma said:

The ONLY remaining good thing is that he pays the bills.  But that's pretty much ALL he does .  My daughter is generally on my side and also thinks he's rude and unreasonable !!  He neglects his daughter by rarely spending any time with her at all.  The only attention she gets from him is on holiday 

I repeat, she is EIGHT. Stop bringing her into this in any way!

Katrina - please may I ask you - have you any experience like mine ?  And if you were me at 49 in my position - would you divorce ?? 
I would really like your thoughts please 🌠✔️

It's all very well asking that question but no-one has to live with the consequences of any decision you take on the back of those answers except you.
Have you suggested marriage counselling as it's obvious from what you've said that there are bigger issues at play here - and even if he doesn't agree to it, you could always go on your own - a good counsellor will just ask you questions that will make you realise the answer to that question yourself.
Did he tell you he'd done this or did you ask? Do you believe that he would have done that?

tehone

Question for you
The way the will is written is that you and your daughter have a place to live, so you'll never be homeless - is that peace of mind worth it to you, over some vague possibility that something might occur to you, whereby, you could receive treatment/care for a period of time, but after that your daughter would be left with nothing.
I think most parents would always want to prioritise their children (and certainly as in this scenario until your daughter is a young adult). Also it most instances, a life interest, does not preclude selling the property and buying a new one, its just that the trustees have to agree, and your daughter will still own the new one (assuming its the same or lesser value)

Whether or not you want to divorce your husband for your benefit is up to you.

Mojisola

Mojisola said:

GoodLuckGemma said:

And another thought - as he owns our home in HIS name only - HE can have his care home fees or whatever paid when the Council attached an order to it !!!! But I cannot - yet more fairness to me !! 

If you were still living in the house, this wouldn't happen. 
His income would be taken into account but not the value of the house. 

GoodLuckGemma said:

Are you certain about this ?? 
What would stop the Council attaching an order to get their care home fees if or when the house is sold !!!

Because the rules say that the council has to ignore the value of the family home if a partner is still going to be living in it.

Mojisola

GoodLuckGemma said:

Katrina - please may I ask you - have you any experience like mine ?  And if you were me at 49 in my position - would you divorce ?? 
I would really like your thoughts please

You seem to have reached the stage where you can't continue as things are.

It could be worth having a couple of sessions with a counsellor to get your thoughts straight - no-one else can tell you what's right for you and your daughter - you will have to make that decision.

You could also have a session with a solicitor and discuss divorce so that you have some facts rather than just feelings to base your decisions on.

If your husband was willing to change the house ownership into 50/50 tenants in common, would that be enough or have you reached the end of the road with the way he treats you?

LadyHarris

GoodLuckGemma said:

Lady Harris - thank you very much for your kind & helpful reply !!  May I ask you something ?  If you were me - only 49 and so so unhappy today - would you divorce and live your life freely ??

I am only 2 years older than you as i said we rub along fine both doing our own thing holiday together have separate rooms and it works for me i really couldn't be bothered starting again so for me it works  as for him he has chosen to stay for 30 years . I cannot tell you what to do as i am not you but all i can suggest if you are that deeply unhappy you may want to seek some advice from a solicitor i believe the first 30mins is free wether you choose to act upon the advice from the solicitor is your decision

KatrinaWaves

GoodLuckGemma said:

KatrinaWaves said:

GoodLuckGemma said:

The ONLY remaining good thing is that he pays the bills.  But that's pretty much ALL he does .  My daughter is generally on my side and also thinks he's rude and unreasonable !!  He neglects his daughter by rarely spending any time with her at all.  The only attention she gets from him is on holiday 

I repeat, she is EIGHT. Stop bringing her into this in any way!

Katrina - please may I ask you - have you any experience like mine ?  And if you were me at 49 in my position - would you divorce ?? 
I would really like your thoughts please 🌠✔️

we do not know the full story, nor the feelings and history, so we cannot answer.

Would I personally put up with someone who I would describe like you do, no. But I do think some of your requests are very unreasonable, so maybe he is fine and I wouldn't divorce him. Maybe he is a terrible person, maybe your expectations are unreasonable. For example, moaning you are the main care giver, but you don't work, and he works and pays all the bills, so you do not need to worry about paying bills. 

You are flip flopping between worries about care costs, your daughter getting less money because of this, whilst actively 'trying to prevent' your daughter getting guaranteed money by being upset at 'only' getting a life interest and a pension.

Sea_Shell

Regardless of who would own the house, are you able to manage the costs of running this house on your own, or would you have to move area or downsize?

Sea_Shell

As for divorce...  It would seem that your husband has the best interests of your daughter in mind, rather than any spiteful reasons for this will.

Or has he openly said he's done it to spite you?

So in isolation, no, I don't think it's grounds for divorce.

However, you have to live with this man day in, day out so only you have the true picture of your life together and if it's worth staying together for.

I also agree with some of the other posters in that involving an 8 year old in your dramas, should be avoided.  Yes kids have opinions, but they are from a place of "planet child" and not necessarily based in adult reality!

pinkshoes

GoodLuckGemma said:

Katrina - please may I ask you - have you any experience like mine ?  And if you were me at 49 in my position - would you divorce ?? 
I would really like your thoughts please 🌠✔️

You only live once, and your own brother has just died young...

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who clearly has very little respect for you? What do you actually like about him? Why are you with him?

By the sounds of it, you would be better off divorcing him and taking half the equity of the house and private pension and set up your own home with you and your daughter. 

I don't think this thread is actually about the house and his will. I think there is far more to it. 

His actions regarding the will might be strange, but it does have some logic behind it. I know of a couple where the husband died in his 50s (the two children grown up), and the wife remarried. She then passed away a couple of years after remarrying, leaving everything to the new husband. He also passed away a few years later and didn't have a will, so the assets (over £500k - 70% of it hers originally) were split between his three kids from his first marriage as per inheritance laws. The other two children got nothing. 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I can't really give good advice as my own relationship is far from perfect.

74jax

Regarding your family death, I'm so sorry. My mam died of covid19 right in the middle of lockdown. I haven't been able to comfort my daughter or grieve with my brother fully yet. Although your parents are abroad I feel I'm in a similar situation, as lockdown means we can't travel as freely as we could once. It's horrible not being able to control the situation, but telephone calls etc do help.

Regarding the house, my husband has done exactly the same. It goes to my daughter (who is not his daughter) but for me to live in. That way it protects should I remarry and decide to give it to my new husband. I'm not on the deeds either actually. Had he left it to the cats home I think it's be unhappy. 

I am financially independent from him however.