Husband has willed our home to Daughter without consulting me 😢

Silvertabby

Mr S and his siblings wish their late dad had done this.  Instead, the house went to their step-mother - who later re-married.  She then pre-deceased her new husband, without making a will.  So, the house that their father had worked all his life to pay for went to a man he had never clapped eyes on.

SingleSue

MalMonroe said:

SingleSue said:

GoodLuckGemma said:

Yes Rob - thank-you for your comments
I appreciate them.  I did not simply 'chose' not to work.  I have severe Endomietriosis which leaves me in shocking pain for much of each month
As I said originally my brother died suddenly at 39 which has devastated me and my parents !!  I am now their ONLY surviving child and am trying to support them emotionally.  It's very tough !!!  Did anyone on here read what I have been writing ??  Would anyone like to walk in my shoes for a day and see what it's like ????   My parents live abroad so cannot even be here to offer support ........

Have you thought about a hysterectomy? I know it seems a rather radical idea but it completely changed my life when I had mine done at almost 20 years ago (at age 31). Ok, I still experienced some pain each month but compared to what it had been before, it was a life changer.

Maybe the OP could just concentrate on one problem at a time? Having a hysterectomy now will surely just complicate everything.

I was coming more from the angle of the debilitating beast that is endometriosis and how getting that more eased could change her life and possibly give more confidence to make other changes or even the first step to financial independence. I know everything felt all the more hopeless because of the unremitting pain and other side effects of the disease.

MoneySeeker1

Silvertabby said:

Mr S and his siblings wish their late dad had done this.  Instead, the house went to their step-mother - who later re-married.  She then pre-deceased her new husband, without making a will.  So, the house that their father had worked all his life to pay for went to a man he had never clapped eyes on.

But this is a stepmother/2nd wife. OP is the mother/the first wife.

A good argument all round for clear discussions as to what happens re wills.

I've got a friend that lost out because her father divorced her mother and remarried. Her father died and stepwife died. Stepwife's money was only left to her own personal two children. My friends father split his money equally between all 4 children (ie his own 2 and the 2 stepchildren to him). So my friend only got one-quarter of an inheritance because of stepmum - whereas stepmum's two children received half an inheritance and then a quarter of another inheritance. Now it's quite clear that, in that circumstance, both father and stepmother should have done the same thing as each other - ie they both treated all 4 children equally OR he left to only his two children and she left to only her two children. Instead of which - his two children lost out and the stepchildren gained at their expense.

There's not a "one size fits all" relationship variations - but this is an absolutely standard situation of a couple both on their first marriage and both with a child they jointly had. THE big thing is that hubbie made THEIR decision on behalf of both of them - and didn't even so much as tell his wife (ie OP) - still less ensure whatever happened was discussed  on equal basis and they both agreed as to what THEIR decision would be jointly. Quite frankly, in OP's position (and from what else she says about him) I'd divorce him personally and get half the house now, rather than none of the house ever. It would be poetic justice served on him.

So - I'd get my confidence up about my looks and my life generally - new clothes/diet if need be/new positive friends if possible/etc so as to feel better about my "life chances" from here on in and then get on with a new life. But that's me - OP may hope to salvage the marriage.

Silvertabby

MoneySeeker1 said:

Silvertabby said:

Mr S and his siblings wish their late dad had done this.  Instead, the house went to their step-mother - who later re-married.  She then pre-deceased her new husband, without making a will.  So, the house that their father had worked all his life to pay for went to a man he had never clapped eyes on.

But this is a stepmother/2nd wife. OP is the mother/the first wife.

A good argument all round for clear discussions as to what happens re wills.

I've got a friend that lost out because her father divorced her mother and remarried. Her father died and stepwife died. Stepwife's money was only left to her own personal two children. My friends father split his money equally between all 4 children (ie his own 2 and the 2 stepchildren to him). So my friend only got one-quarter of an inheritance because of stepmum - whereas stepmum's two children received half an inheritance and then a quarter of another inheritance. Now it's quite clear that, in that circumstance, both father and stepmother should have done the same thing as each other - ie they both treated all 4 children equally OR he left to only his two children and she left to only her two children. Instead of which - his two children lost out and the stepchildren gained at their expense.

There's not a "one size fits all" relationship variations - but this is an absolutely standard situation of a couple both on their first marriage and both with a child they jointly had. THE big thing is that hubbie made THEIR decision on behalf of both of them - and didn't even so much as tell his wife (ie OP) - still less ensure whatever happened was discussed  on equal basis and they both agreed as to what THEIR decision would be jointly. Quite frankly, in OP's position (and from what else she says about him) I'd divorce him personally and get half the house now, rather than none of the house ever. It would be poetic justice served on him.

So - I'd get my confidence up about my looks and my life generally - new clothes/diet if need be/new positive friends if possible/etc so as to feel better about my "life chances" from here on in and then get on with a new life. But that's me - OP may hope to salvage the marriage.

Yes, I know - but perhaps OP's husband thinks that she could re-marry, fail to make a will in favour of the daughter, leave the house to the local cats home.  With this level of distrust,  divorce may be the only way forward.

thepurplepixie

You seem to only be interested in him paying the bills and providing you with a home.  Wonder why he isn't a ray of sunshine?
I don't think what he has done is uncommon and I've seen the other side where one person dies and their partner/spouse remarries and the new wife/husband and the step kids end up with everything with the child of the original family getting nothing, not the mother or father's share.  Personally if I die first I want to be sure my kids get my share of everything, different to your situation as everything we have is in joint names as I've always worked and paid my share but if my husband remarries well I'd wish him well but I wouldn't want her having what I've worked for.
I know a guy whose stepmother has a life interest in his family home left to her, on her death it was to go to him.  She wanted to move nearer to her family and he agreed but the life interest was transferred to the new house and he will get it when she dies.  As it was a smaller cheaper house he split the money that was leftover with her which I thought was a decent thing to do.

Mojisola

Silvertabby said:

Yes, I know - but perhaps OP's husband thinks that she could re-marry, fail to make a will in favour of the daughter, leave the house to the local cats home. 

This concern is often dealt with by owning the property as 'tenants in common' with each parent owning half the house. You can both then leave your share to your daughter while giving the survivor the right to stay in the house. This guarantees that she will receive at least half the value of the house as an inheritance while giving the survivor some cash in case they need to fund residential care.

The will should give the survivor the right to sell the house and use the capital to move elsewhere. 

Marvel1

KatrinaWaves said:

GoodLuckGemma said:

The ONLY remaining good thing is that he pays the bills.  But that's pretty much ALL he does .  My daughter is generally on my side and also thinks he's rude and unreasonable !!  He neglects his daughter by rarely spending any time with her at all.  The only attention she gets from him is on holiday 

I repeat, she is EIGHT. Stop bringing her into this in any way!

Children do have a mind of their own!

-taff

GoodLuckGemma said:

He NEVER discussed anything with me.
He just went ahead & made his arrangements WITHOUT consulting me at all.  Our home is our Matrimonial home purchased 18 years ago and I have an 8 year old child.  Do you think it's unreasonable that I want my name on the Title Deeds ?   I am the mother of his only child and I have health problems.  Also he is 14 years older than me and I feel this is bullying behaviour ! 😢😕

So...

Did he uy the house before or after you were married? Did you contribute to the cost of purchase? Have you been married for 18 years? Have you worked at all before your daughter was born?

He is 14 years older than you and you think he is bullying you by making sure your daughter always has a roof over her head?

KatrinaWaves

Marvel1 said:

KatrinaWaves said:

GoodLuckGemma said:

The ONLY remaining good thing is that he pays the bills.  But that's pretty much ALL he does .  My daughter is generally on my side and also thinks he's rude and unreasonable !!  He neglects his daughter by rarely spending any time with her at all.  The only attention she gets from him is on holiday 

I repeat, she is EIGHT. Stop bringing her into this in any way!

Children do have a mind of their own!

Yeah right, an eight year old randomly starts saying she doesn’t like the house she lives in at the same time her mum is having a meltdown it is being left to the daughter and not her. 

And saying her 8 year old is on her side? A child of 8 shouldn’t even know there are sides to take. 

Yes children have minds of their own, and they should stay their own, not manipulated by their parents... 

maman

I agree. I think OP is desperate to have someone agree with her side of the story, even if it's an 8 year old. ☹️ 

The dad seems to have arranged his will so that his daughter's interest is protected in the long term. It does seem a bit odd that he hasn't discussed it first with OP but the relationship does not sound very normal in many ways. I'm wondering whether there's a cultural issue here or whether he owned the house prior to marriage. We have very little information about if/how OP has contributed prior to the current childcare and housework.