Husband has willed our home to Daughter without consulting me 😢

GoodLuckGemma

Sea_Shell said:

Regardless of who would own the house, are you able to manage the costs of running this house on your own, or would you have to move area or downsize?

No I am very doubtful that there would enough pension or savings to run the house on my own 🥴😕

GoodLuckGemma

pinkshoes said:

GoodLuckGemma said:

Katrina - please may I ask you - have you any experience like mine ?  And if you were me at 49 in my position - would you divorce ?? 
I would really like your thoughts please 🌠✔️

You only live once, and your own brother has just died young...

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who clearly has very little respect for you? What do you actually like about him? Why are you with him?

By the sounds of it, you would be better off divorcing him and taking half the equity of the house and private pension and set up your own home with you and your daughter. 

I don't think this thread is actually about the house and his will. I think there is far more to it. 

His actions regarding the will might be strange, but it does have some logic behind it. I know of a couple where the husband died in his 50s (the two children grown up), and the wife remarried. She then passed away a couple of years after remarrying, leaving everything to the new husband. He also passed away a few years later and didn't have a will, so the assets (over £500k - 70% of it hers originally) were split between his three kids from his first marriage as per inheritance laws. The other two children got nothing. 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I can't really give good advice as my own relationship is far from perfect.

pinkshoes said:

GoodLuckGemma said:

Katrina - please may I ask you - have you any experience like mine ?  And if you were me at 49 in my position - would you divorce ?? 
I would really like your thoughts please 🌠✔️

You only live once, and your own brother has just died young...

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who clearly has very little respect for you? What do you actually like about him? Why are you with him?

By the sounds of it, you would be better off divorcing him and taking half the equity of the house and private pension and set up your own home with you and your daughter. 

I don't think this thread is actually about the house and his will. I think there is far more to it. 

His actions regarding the will might be strange, but it does have some logic behind it. I know of a couple where the husband died in his 50s (the two children grown up), and the wife remarried. She then passed away a couple of years after remarrying, leaving everything to the new husband. He also passed away a few years later and didn't have a will, so the assets (over £500k - 70% of it hers originally) were split between his three kids from his first marriage as per inheritance laws. The other two children got nothing. 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I can't really give good advice as my own relationship is far from perfect.

Please don't put yourself down pink shoes !!  I'm sure your relationship is not as bad as mine 🥴
Your insight is REALLY sound & helpful 

GoodLuckGemma

Not sure what I should do now !! 😕
Covid has made everything WAY more difficult as I cannot travel to see my parents at the moment either !!
I feel very alone indeed 😢.  I'm now homesick not being able to see them PLUS my marital difficulties are making me MISERABLE - I feel I have no control over my life anymore 😢🥴

MoneySeeker1

WOW!! I'd be shocked and horrified too in your position.

Perhaps you'd be best having a consultation with a solicitor about this to check out whether he is able to do that - and I admit I'd be chucking in the comment of "If I divorce him now - then I get half OUR house anyway" and the thought would be crossing my mind - as this would feel like an awful betrayal to me.

MoneySeeker1

GoodLuckGemma said:

Yes Highland76  YOU are absolutely right there !!!!   I think me not being on the deeds is probably the final straw.
Our daughter knows nothing of this - she simply saw houses that she liked better than ours !!    In fact I also see houses I like much better than ours !!

Well that is certainly my first thought - as in "How are you supposed to sell what will be YOUR house (by rights) if he dies first - and buy one you prefer instead?" Answer being that you couldnt because your house wasn't actually deemed to be your house officially.

It does sound like he isn't a good husband in a variety of ways - and not just this one - and you need to give some serious thouht as to whether to stay with him or no.

SingleSue

GoodLuckGemma said:

Yes Rob - thank-you for your comments
I appreciate them.  I did not simply 'chose' not to work.  I have severe Endomietriosis which leaves me in shocking pain for much of each month
As I said originally my brother died suddenly at 39 which has devastated me and my parents !!  I am now their ONLY surviving child and am trying to support them emotionally.  It's very tough !!!  Did anyone on here read what I have been writing ??  Would anyone like to walk in my shoes for a day and see what it's like ????   My parents live abroad so cannot even be here to offer support ........

Have you thought about a hysterectomy? I know it seems a rather radical idea but it completely changed my life when I had mine done at almost 20 years ago (at age 31). Ok, I still experienced some pain each month but compared to what it had been before, it was a life changer.

MoneySeeker1

Re the thought of a hysterectomy - many years back my doctor of the time suggested it to me and I went off and read up about it and the risks are high of the operation itself creating health problems. Sorry I can't remember the name of the book - which I read/analysed the case histories and decided not to do so personally. So the pros and cons do need weighing-up.

Re the illness - my thoughts about it boil down wondering what date the relationship started or turned into a marriage on the one hand v. when the illness started on the other hand. It would be "interesting" if those two dates were similar.........hmmm.....

As for the current situation - it's quite clear that there are common assumptions that are made on getting married in this country. Those assumptions include "what is his is mine" and "what is mine is his" and, of course, that includes = whichever one dies first, the survivor obviously owns the whole house at that point (minus any mortgage owed to a building society of course). So OP knows this common assumption we all have and shares it - and assumed her husband was "singing from the same songsheet" and also shares our common British assumption on this.

 What would feel so upsetting to me, in her position, is that, if he had a different way of thinking to our usual way - then he should have said to her at the time THEY got THEIR house (or had THEIR daughter) that he didn't want it to be hers too when he dies. Then they could have discussed at the time whether to follow our usual procedure in this country - or do things differently to that. He didn't - he made their decision all on his own and she's only found out by accident by the sound of it.

I wonder what other joint decisions he has made all on his own?

MalMonroe

GoodLuckGemma said:

Not sure what I should do now !! 😕
Covid has made everything WAY more difficult as I cannot travel to see my parents at the moment either !!
I feel very alone indeed 😢.  I'm now homesick not being able to see them PLUS my marital difficulties are making me MISERABLE - I feel I have no control over my life anymore 😢🥴

Seems to me you are in a very controlling relationship where your husband, maybe because he's older, I don't know, considers that he is more of a father to you, taking decisions and making 'provisions' in his will without consulting you at all and also not even putting your name on the deeds of the house where you both live, supposedly as equal partners. Total lack of respect.

Aside from all the legal hoo ha, etc., when I read your post I just thought what an absolutely arrogant and pompous pig he sounded. You are right to be feeling hurt and angry, and I really can't understand why other people on here seem to think it's fine. It isn't fine. He's treating you like an idiot when you are his wife, his equal, not a child.

The ideal, adult and equal situation would have been where you sat down together and discussed your lives. Then sorted out how your wills were going to be worded. Then you could have visited a solicitor, together, and had both wills authorised (or whatever it is that they do!) Your husband seems to think that he's the only one who should make a will. Marriage is supposed to be a sharing relationship, not just one person making all the decisions. And wills get complicated and couples, to my mind, need to make them together because you just never know what the future holds. I mean, god forbid, what if anything happened to your daughter and you both survived? All kinds of things need to be discussed before a sensible will can be produced.  

Have you felt able to talk to him about how devastated you are? Calmly that is, without throwing things (which would be my first instinct, I have to say). And with all the reasons why? 

The good thing about wills though, is that they are not set in stone. They can be and often are amended and changed. So that is a possibility. If you tell him that you'd like to make your own will but you need it to reflect his wishes, as his should reflect your wishes, then that may be one way forward. 

Another way forward of course would be to dump him, which is what I'd be inclined to do!  Can't you go to your parents, with your daughter, and be in their 'bubble'?  You DO actually have control over your own life, you just can't see it at the moment. This is your one wild and precious life, don't waste it on this man, or this trivia. Your misery will affect your daughter, too.  You are young!  Don't act in haste but do think seriously about what you want and need to do, is my advice for what it's worth. 

MalMonroe

SingleSue said:

GoodLuckGemma said:

Yes Rob - thank-you for your comments
I appreciate them.  I did not simply 'chose' not to work.  I have severe Endomietriosis which leaves me in shocking pain for much of each month
As I said originally my brother died suddenly at 39 which has devastated me and my parents !!  I am now their ONLY surviving child and am trying to support them emotionally.  It's very tough !!!  Did anyone on here read what I have been writing ??  Would anyone like to walk in my shoes for a day and see what it's like ????   My parents live abroad so cannot even be here to offer support ........

Have you thought about a hysterectomy? I know it seems a rather radical idea but it completely changed my life when I had mine done at almost 20 years ago (at age 31). Ok, I still experienced some pain each month but compared to what it had been before, it was a life changer.

Maybe the OP could just concentrate on one problem at a time? Having a hysterectomy now will surely just complicate everything.

Mojisola

GoodLuckGemma said:

Not sure what I should do now !! 😕
I feel I have no control over my life anymore 😢🥴

So start to take back some control.

Check to see if the house is registered with the LA -

https://eservices.landregistry.gov.uk/eservices/FindAProperty/view/QuickEnquiryInit.do

If it is, register your matrimonial interest -

www.thefamilylawco.co.uk/blog/divorce-and-seperation/what-are-home-rights-and-how-do-i-register-them/

This is the form you need -

www.gov.uk/government/publications/notice-of-home-rights-registration-hr1

Make an appointment to talk to a solicitor - even if it's over the phone, start to get your legal position straight in your mind and what options are available to you.