Spouse Maintenance Help

Comms69

bouicca21 said:

I’m sure 50/50 can work if both parents are committed to it and live sufficiently near to make getting to and fro school and having friends round  reasonably easy.  More to the point will be whether the wife makes a case for sole custody with father having visitation, so OP needs to be ready with a fully worked out plan as to how this is to happen.

Given the kids ages, atleast the eldest will have a say on what they want (the rest to some degree too)

Accountant_Kerry

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

I split care 50/50 and it works very well, it’s well documented that its good for children in general. Your notion that it’s willingly damaging is outdated 

onwards&upwards

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

Well i suppose i would counter by saying it's never 'their' house. But as kids get older they tend to get into their own routine, so it's largely moot.

50/50 care allows for meaningful time in both home, as opposed to the issue you seem to want to combat - going to a parents for a day or two, and not settling down.

I think a really good NRP can make their time with the children special and really valuable without needing it to be exactly 50/50, and they can have longer stretches periodically, as well as holidays together.   That way the child has a ‘base’ without feeling constantly in transit but still has a solid relationship with both parents.  

For a change, I dont disagree

I think that such a set up can work - assuming the PWC doesnt react jealously. In the past i have had comments about getting 'only the fun bits'; we're past that now, but as an experience it wasnt pleasant to be made to feel guilty about what i'm doing, just because she was having to deal with the day to day.

But i dont think that means a 50/50 arrangement doesnt work. and if parents live near eachother, as kids get older such arrangement work themselves out quite often

Valuable time doesn’t have to mean just the fun bits. 😉

onwards&upwards

Accountant_Kerry said:

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

I split care 50/50 and it works very well, it’s well documented that its good for children in general. Your notion that it’s willingly damaging is outdated 

What’s changed?

I’m sure there are families making it work as well as possible, just throwing it out there not to assume it’s the best way forward.  I wonder if some parents want it to avoid paying support sometimes (not directed at you but there are definitely some!

Comms69

onwards&upwards said:

Accountant_Kerry said:

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

I split care 50/50 and it works very well, it’s well documented that its good for children in general. Your notion that it’s willingly damaging is outdated 

What’s changed?

I’m sure there are families making it work as well as possible, just throwing it out there not to assume it’s the best way forward.  I wonder if some parents want it to avoid paying support sometimes (not directed at you but there are definitely some!

Well that's a leap, if care is split 50/50 then both parties pay the same for the kids? There is no cost benefit

LonMan

Spoke to my Lawyer on the weekend. Apparently he thinks paying £1900 per month for the next 13 years and her also getting around £250,000 is realistic to what the court would agree if not more. 

Comms69

LonMan said:

Spoke to my Lawyer on the weekend. Apparently he thinks paying £1900 per month for the next 13 years and her also getting around £250,000 is realistic to what the court would agree if not more. 

Get a new solicitor. It's not realistic at all. 

Accountant_Kerry

Comms69 said:

LonMan said:

Spoke to my Lawyer on the weekend. Apparently he thinks paying £1900 per month for the next 13 years and her also getting around £250,000 is realistic to what the court would agree if not more. 

Get a new solicitor. It's not realistic at all. 

agreed unless the solicitor has a lot more information than we do

Accountant_Kerry

onwards&upwards said:

Accountant_Kerry said:

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

I split care 50/50 and it works very well, it’s well documented that its good for children in general. Your notion that it’s willingly damaging is outdated 

What’s changed?

I’m sure there are families making it work as well as possible, just throwing it out there not to assume it’s the best way forward.  I wonder if some parents want it to avoid paying support sometimes (not directed at you but there are definitely some!

50/50 doesn't mean you don't pay anything but reason you pay 50% of everything, in fact I probably pay more as I pay for pretty much all activities and clothes etc 

Comms69

Accountant_Kerry said:

onwards&upwards said:

Accountant_Kerry said:

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

I split care 50/50 and it works very well, it’s well documented that its good for children in general. Your notion that it’s willingly damaging is outdated 

What’s changed?

I’m sure there are families making it work as well as possible, just throwing it out there not to assume it’s the best way forward.  I wonder if some parents want it to avoid paying support sometimes (not directed at you but there are definitely some!

50/50 doesn't mean you don't pay anything but reason you pay 50% of everything, in fact I probably pay more as I pay for pretty much all activities and clothes etc 

There seems to be an underlying narrative (not necessarily O&U) where if the money doesnt pass through the mothers hands, it's not really spent on the child / the father cant be trusted to buy the 'right' clothes. 

I find it strange.