Spouse Maintenance Help

bouicca21

Wikivorce is the place to be but unless the calculator has been revamped since I used it several years ago, it’s pretty well pants.  Get on their forum and ask for advice.

in addition to the advice given by accountant-Kerry above, you need to remember that every financial asset goes into the pot.  Do you have insurances, savings, a pension pot?  It all needs to be considered.  You can offset one against the other - don’t take my pension but have more of the house.  Given the ages of the children spousal maintenance is going to be limited to a transition period to enable her to retrain and get back to the workplace.

And I’m not sure where you live that £250k isn’t enough to buy or use as a deposit. I actually think she is likely to get 70% (with probably less than 50% of other assets) which is more like £350,000.  I live in London in an area where the really nice big detached houses go for well over a million.  But there are plenty of smaller cheaper properties (like mine).  350k is just about enough for a nice flat round here, albeit it would only be a 2 bed and it would take a bit of searching to find it.  £400k would make the search easier.  It may not have the sort of space and cachet that she is used to, but it’s having a roof over your head that matters.  She has to recognise that her standard of living will change.

LonMan

Thanks bouicca21. No real pensions or savings at the moment to speak of as a lot was put into purchasing the house a couple of years ago and renovating it. We live in a town just north of London. She is expecting to get another 4 bedroom house around the same level as we have now, which is completely unrealistic. Most semi-detached houses around here start at £800,000 and a decent two bed flat is over £500,000. I think she is going to have to accept that she won't be able to live near the childrens school or live in a place like where she is at now. It's the same for me as well for the time being.

bouicca21

Sounds like the priority is educating her about likely financial consequences of divorce.  The costs of a contested settlement are astronomical.  Shortly before I was divorced a relative and his ex ran up costs of nearly £50k between them arguing over a house that pre London bubble was worth maybe £270k.  That’s money better spent on housing and the children.  Get her to look for advice herself, whether on wikivorce, with a lawyer or whatever.  Her expectations are unrealistic and she has to be made aware that your needs also need to be considered. You will need somewhere to have the children too. You will also of course be paying some level of child maintenance until youngest is 18, possibly longer if uni is factored in (make sure it’s limited to undergrad level).

Comms69

bouicca21 said:

Sounds like the priority is educating her about likely financial consequences of divorce.  The costs of a contested settlement are astronomical.  Shortly before I was divorced a relative and his ex ran up costs of nearly £50k between them arguing over a house that pre London bubble was worth maybe £270k.  That’s money better spent on housing and the children.  Get her to look for advice herself, whether on wikivorce, with a lawyer or whatever.  Her expectations are unrealistic and she has to be made aware that your needs also need to be considered. You will need somewhere to have the children too. You will also of course be paying some level of child maintenance until youngest is 18, possibly longer if uni is factored in (make sure it’s limited to undergrad level).

They plan to split childcare 50/50 so no maintenance is due.

bouicca21

I doubt that 50/50 will prove to be practicable.  I’ve known it work, but it’s hard, especially when the parents have to relocate (even if it is just a few miles).

LonMan

50/50 should be workable for me. I have my own business and can work from home so thats not a problem. I think the issue with her is that apparently, she spoke to her Lawyer who told her that she can get ALL the proceeds of the sale and use it to buy somewhere. Then when the youngest is 18, she can sell it and give me my half back. I told her thats not possible so now she is sticking with almost 2k a month maintenance. Every time I tell her I can't agree to that she just says lets go to court. We are quite stuck at the moment as she won't budge and I really don't want to go to court due to the huge cost and also time.

Comms69

LonMan said:

50/50 should be workable for me. I have my own business and can work from home so thats not a problem. I think the issue with her is that apparently, she spoke to her Lawyer who told her that she can get ALL the proceeds of the sale and use it to buy somewhere. Then when the youngest is 18, she can sell it and give me my half back. I told her thats not possible so now she is sticking with almost 2k a month maintenance. Every time I tell her I can't agree to that she just says lets go to court. We are quite stuck at the moment as she won't budge and I really don't want to go to court due to the huge cost and also time.

Let her go to court then. 

Ultimately, as soon as you say that, and she realises the cost, she's have to either take it on the chin, or come back to the table.

LonMan

I've told her it's around £60k, shes not bothered, she sees it as my money at the moment.

Socajam

LonMan said:

I've told her it's around £60k, shes not bothered, she sees it as my money at the moment.

Then she is an idiot, because that 60K comes out of all the money - meaning less for her.
I am not sure why people don't sit down and work things out before going to a lawyer - who are in the business to make money.  They really don't care about the outcome, only that they will be paid.
I went through a similar situation and kept my legal process to a minimum because I was not prepared to give away my money to some lawyer.
Comms69 - I agree with with this.  Let her go to court, but emphasize that her costs will be coming from her portion of the settlement.
Start getting all your papers etc in an organized order. 
Don't back down about having your children 50/50 - your wife is seeing this as her meal ticket for not going to work.  Her princess days are coming to an end and she is wondering how can she keep it going.
Get legal advice and then work out your plan from there.  Just remember that the more money she demands, the less you will have to live on.

bouicca21

She is (I think) talking about a Mesher order, whereby she gets the right to live in the house until the youngest is 18.  I think they have somewhat fallen out of favour, but get advice on that.  The problem is obvious - how will she suddenly be able to afford somewhere for 50% then, when her chances of work are even  worse, if she can’t now.

Maybe you should get her over to wikivorce for some realistic advice.  Given that we only have your side of the story it is possible that her solicitor’s advice is good, but it does sound as though It’s someone hearing the cash registers jingle.