Spouse Maintenance Help

Accountant_Kerry

You’ll at least need to make an attempt at mediation before a court will see you anyway. A mediator will help set realistic expectations if you can get her there. 

Accountant_Kerry

There is no way she would get a mesher order is she’s not the primary carer for the children anyway. 

onwards&upwards

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Comms69

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

tooldle

I know of a couple of families where 50:50 has worked really well. The kids are happy and settled.

onwards&upwards

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

Comms69

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

Well i suppose i would counter by saying it's never 'their' house. But as kids get older they tend to get into their own routine, so it's largely moot.

50/50 care allows for meaningful time in both home, as opposed to the issue you seem to want to combat - going to a parents for a day or two, and not settling down.

onwards&upwards

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

Well i suppose i would counter by saying it's never 'their' house. But as kids get older they tend to get into their own routine, so it's largely moot.

50/50 care allows for meaningful time in both home, as opposed to the issue you seem to want to combat - going to a parents for a day or two, and not settling down.

I think a really good NRP can make their time with the children special and really valuable without needing it to be exactly 50/50, and they can have longer stretches periodically, as well as holidays together.   That way the child has a ‘base’ without feeling constantly in transit but still has a solid relationship with both parents.  

Comms69

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

Well i suppose i would counter by saying it's never 'their' house. But as kids get older they tend to get into their own routine, so it's largely moot.

50/50 care allows for meaningful time in both home, as opposed to the issue you seem to want to combat - going to a parents for a day or two, and not settling down.

I think a really good NRP can make their time with the children special and really valuable without needing it to be exactly 50/50, and they can have longer stretches periodically, as well as holidays together.   That way the child has a ‘base’ without feeling constantly in transit but still has a solid relationship with both parents.  

For a change, I dont disagree

I think that such a set up can work - assuming the PWC doesnt react jealously. In the past i have had comments about getting 'only the fun bits'; we're past that now, but as an experience it wasnt pleasant to be made to feel guilty about what i'm doing, just because she was having to deal with the day to day.

But i dont think that means a 50/50 arrangement doesnt work. and if parents live near eachother, as kids get older such arrangement work themselves out quite often

bouicca21

I’m sure 50/50 can work if both parents are committed to it and live sufficiently near to make getting to and fro school and having friends round  reasonably easy.  More to the point will be whether the wife makes a case for sole custody with father having visitation, so OP needs to be ready with a fully worked out plan as to how this is to happen.